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Free Advice Friday - How To Have Sex in an Airplane (Milehigh Club edition)
Joining the Mile High Club isn’t easy. Airplane bathrooms, as we all know, are small and unpleasant, all leading to an incredibly non-romantic situation. So this is my disclaimer: I really don’t think doing this (having sex on a plane) is a good idea. But IF WE MUST, let’s do this thing the right way, shall we?
Chose A Seat In The Back Row. It will be less obvious when you get up and are in there… way longer than required. If you really want to fool everyone, don’t even sit next to each other. Then when you both get up, it will seem completely random.
Make A Plan. You two should probably have some sort of signal to meet at the bathroom, like blinking the light over your seat, getting something out of your bag, whatever.
Timing Is Everything. It’s best if you’re on an overnight flight, when passengers are sleeping and not in line for the bathroom. (Plus: the bathroom will be cleaner.) If it’s not an overnight flight, wait until the flight attendants are serving drinks. When they’re at the front of the plane, most people refrain from getting in line for the bathroom.
Enter And Exit The Restroom One At A Time. If you get caught, here is your story: One of you was sick! Look worried! But everything is okay now! Yes, that’s what the noise was about.
Um, Stand Up. That toilet is nasty. You both should face the door and press against the wall over your head, for resistance. The dude can stand behind and you both can just drop drawers a tad so that nothing has to touch the floor, which is also nasty.
Make It Snappy. You have less than 15 minutes before things start to look fishy, so master your quickie.