Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Breast Pillow Ever

My friend Ron and I went out last night with the usual gang.  We headed down to Court Ave. here in Des Moines where all the bars are.  Before going, we had to pic up a new member of the group, David.  We went to David's house on the sketchy North side of Des Moines.  The dude wasn't ready so we had a seat in  the living room.  I get a call and ask David if I could duck into his guest bedroom to take it (There were 5 of us and all had been drinking it up, so the noise level was a little loud.  We all talk louder after drinking).  He said sure and I go into his guest bedroom, a tiny little room that has a chair, a dresser and a double bed.  As I am talking, I happen to glance down at the bed and notice this:

It is a crocheted pillow that looks like a pair of breasts.  I almost loose it on the phone.  Ok, I do loose it.  I start laughing and my friend Brenda asks, "What is up?"  

I tell her I am looking at a pair of breasts to which she replies, "You back at the Lumberyard?" (A local strip club)

I snapped a shot of the pillow and send it to her.  She starts laughing!  Ron is on his way to the bathroom and sees me in there.  I call him in to show him the tits on the bed.  Soon everyone has left the living room and is in this tiny little guest bedroom laughing at the crocheted titties on the bed.  

David hears the commotion and shows up.  We point and laugh at the breast pillow.  He says his Grandma makes novelty pillows and made that one for him.  She also makes dicks, balls, and anything else you want as a pillow.  David even shows us her picture that is on the dresser in the bedroom. She looks like a nice, little old lady.  She looks all innocent and sweet.  

Then David drops the bombshell; his granny used to be a stripper and was a porn star in the late 60's and early 70's.  That little old lady in the photo was a dirty, raunchy, sex-crazed hottie back in the day and now she is crocheting tits, dicks and balls!  I guess she couldn't get the sex out of her system after menopause and had to have a release.  

We are talking for a few minutes about sex, women, and the pillow - which Ron has dubbed "The Breast Pillow Ever" when David drops bombshell #2:  His granny is in her third nursing home.  She got kicked out of the other two for having sex and doing lewd acts with other residents.  Apparently, she still has quite the sexual appetite.  She was regularly caught watching porn on her TV, she has had sex toys out in the commons area, she was caught using a vibrator on herself in the "family area" one evening while others were around, watching TV.  She even tried to get one of the male workers who was in his 20's to have sex with her.  Her behavior was deemed inappropriate at 2 homes already.  According to David, there is a 30-something male prostitute in the city that pays her visits every few weeks in her home as well.  Apparently his Granny pays the guy to "Cum" over (Pun intended).  

Then Johnny B., who is a male slut and will sleep with just about anything, asks David if he could meet his granny!  And David said "Sure, she would love that!"  Not sure if Johnny is going to follow through, but if he does, you can be sure that I will post about it!  

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