Saturday, February 11, 2012

Valentine's Day Gifts

So, what do the Valentine's Day Presents really mean?
No science or analysis involved here, the following is just my opinion!
1. Flowers are so cliche.  Everyone gives flowers, but they are the easiest to find for Valentine's Day.  Flowers mean he took the easy way out.  But is this bad?  I mean, women do love getting flowers.  So ladies, don't fret when you get flowers for Valentine's Day because you know you love them! 
2.  Stuffed animal -  This could mean the big one!   Look around it's neck for jewelry. If you don't see anything get a kitchen knife and cutt it's butt open. If there still isn't anything inside it; slit his head open.  This is a favorite mechanism for guys giving engagement rings and fine jewelry.  Of course, if you cut it open and find nothing, then the stuffed animal goes to the trash.  It is a risky venture.
3.Dinner out means one of two things.  You are either a crappy cook and he wants to have at least one decent meal this month or he's wanting to give you the night off from cooking.. Let's hope it is the latter!
4. Candy/chocolate is an obvious sign that he wants you to gain weight.  The guy may be a chubby chaser or he thinks you are beginning to look anorexic.  Either way, eat them and don't feel bad about it.
5. Jewelry is every girl's dream, right ladies?  Giving jewelry on Valentine's Day means that he really, really loves you or...he took another easy way out.  All guys know women love jewelry, so they tend to go with that when they can't think of anything creative.  My advice to you ladies - inspect the jewelry?   Is it a Wal-Mart piece or Kay's Jewellers?  The latter means he loves you, the Wal-Mart jewelry means he was in a hurry and picked something up while doing his grocery shopping. 
6. Giving a Dog means that he is in it for the long term.  Giving a pet means that the dude wants to be around because we really love dogs too!  A guy wouldn't give a dog to a woman unless he planned on being around alot! 
7. Lingerie means the guy is a dirty pervert!  This only is relevant to guys who have been dating their girlfriends for less than 6 months.  If you have been together longer, disregard this one and pray he got the right size.
8. Cash means he thinks you're a prostitute.
9. Balloons is another easy-way out.  It also means he thinks of you as a child.  Beware of guys with balloons.
10. Bath/body products means you stink and need a refresher course on Personal Hygiene. 
11. Keys - He either bought you a car or he wants you to move in with him.  I am sure you would be hoping for the car. 

The Real Story Behind the Mayan Calendar

So the Mayans believed the world would end in 2012.  Shit!!!  That is this year.  I guess I better start partying it up and have a ton of fun this year.  Enjoy!!!! 

Black History Month

We are in the middle of Black History Month. When I used to teach History, I would do several special lessons on Black History. It really is a wonderful month for education and history.

Lately, I have been hearing some rumblings throughout the United States about Black History Month. It appears that there are some people who think that Black History month should be done away with because it is actually sending out the wrong message. Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Journal Constitution doesn’t mince words,
It’s not merely that a short month set aside to commemorate black achievement is a curious and old-fashioned appendage, like rabbit ears on a TV or a rotary dial on a telephone. It’s worse than that: The commemoration is a damaging form of apartheid, setting the contributions of black Americans aside as separate and unequal. It sends the wrong signal to all Americans, black, white and brown.
On the other side of the argument, Princeton professor Melissa
It as though the entire country gets stuck in a “facts about black folks” way of imagining history. Black history becomes just a way to name the black bodies who have appeared at various moments in our national story. It’s like a Where’s Waldo game with black people. Boys and girls, can you find Crispus Attucks? How about Harriet Tubman?
I read an article that author and screenwriter John Ridley gave in defense of keeping Black History Month.
Now, I happen to agree that Black History Month is a set-aside. But the reason it’s set aside is because even in 2009, most schools do a poor job of integrating black history — or Hispanic history or Asian-American history — into their yearly curriculum. Are kids really taught about the Nisei brigade or Executive Order 9066, the Trail of Tears or the National Farm Workers Association?
As an educator, I have to agree with Mr. Ridley. I believe that until Black history (or Hispanic or any other type of "minority" history) is seen as our shared American history, we must keep these specially designated months to teach the importance of our "Non-White" heritage. February remains a critical reminder of the many names and histories that haven’t been told in the classroom, in the news and in history textbooks. I think that we should use Black History Month as a way to serve as a reminder of the many signifcant parts of American history that have been ignored and as an impetus to reclaim these historic people and events as part of our common story.

Do me a favor readers and go out and read about several important African-Americans that make up our history. There are thousands upon thousands of important Black Historical figures and there are thousands more whose stories have not been told. With any luck, you may be able to uncover a new story and share it with the world.

That -ista Thing

Lately, I have been more than a little annoyed recently with the adding of "-ista" to the end of everything (i.e. fashionista, Bookista, anythingtodowithpolitics-ista...etc.)
At first, I thought it just meant someone that was an expert on the subject that appears before the -ista. Well, I have to admit I was a little wrong (And I am rarely wrong, so make a note of this moment -- It probably won't happen again for a few years).

Anyway, I have found that this term -ista means that you are someone who is into/obsessed with whatever comes before the "-ista". You are not necessarily an expert, just obsessed with it.

OK, so who came up with this thing? How did it get into the English language? Heck, -ista isn't even "English" but rather used often in Spanish (I am a Spanish teacher, so I know these things)

There are a couple of things that bother me about this new colloquialism. The first being that it exists at all. Sounds kind of stupid to me. If it must exist then why does it not include ALL interests. To me, it would appear that all "-istas" are women concerned with their particular demographics. Hence the -ista ending. It is a feminine ending (the -a is used for females, if it was male, then it would be an -o) So, why not us guys? Are we just not qualified to be -istas? Think of the possibilities!





...a Journalista.

















...a Kung Fuista















...a Chickista.














...a Chucknorrista.










...a Dudeista.












Just Think of the Possibilities...It is endless. That means it is going to be overused in the near future. I am already sick of it. And Please don't call me a Blogista...

The Advantages of Being Colorblind


Can Olympic Mascots get any more weird? Meet Wenlock and Mandeville


With the 2012 Olympics fast approacing in London, I thought I would repost this from my old blog.  I first posted this about a year and a half ago.  Enjoy! 


Check out these two...things!!!  No, this is not something from Yo Gabba Gabba -- These two things are Wenlock and Mandeville, the "official" mascots of the 2012 London Games.
The one-eyed figures named Wenlock and Mandeville were unveiled at an east London school on Wednesday, with London 2012 organisers hoping they will inspire a generation of children while persuading their parents to contribute a share of £15 million the mascots are intended to raise in merchandising revenue.
I wish the Brits good luck in marketing those two. It seems that every Olympic mascot that comes out during the last 16 years or so has been a terrible thing.  I think to myself "They cannot possibly come up with a worse mascot for the next Olympics" and what happens...They prove me wrong.  I can't wait to see the mascot for the next Winter Olympics.  It will probably be a glob of snot or something.  

Seriously, this looks like a cross between the Teletubbies and those weird things from Yo Gabba Gabba.  Enough Already!!!  Can we get back to having cuddly animals for mascots???  How many kids want a stuffed Wenlock and Mandeville to cuddle up to at night?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Communion Wafers





I guess if your church is in a pinch and needs to get some "Communion Wafers" fast, they can go online to Amazon.com and order some with overnight shipping. Or maybe you just love the taste of them. Whatever your reason, Amazon.com sells them. What don't they sell?

And check out the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" section for all of your Communion needs!!

For me personally, communion wafers taste like cardboard. YUCK!!!!!

Free Advice Fridays






Doesn't everyone love receiving free advice!!!! And who better to dish out advice than a 3o-something teacher who had traveled the world and seen it all!!!!!! I am the Iowa Dr. Phil of Advice!!! If Oprah were poorer, a man, and white, she would be me!!!!!!!!!

I have always been a magnet for advice seekers. In High School, my buddies would always ask me stuff like -- well, that was a while ago and I don't really remember. But College, my friends always turned to me for advice -- but I can't really discuss the topics here. I am trying to keep this a family friendly blog (OK, Maybe I will get a little raunchier in the future.)

After college, I was still the man to look for when it came to advice. Want to know the best places to travel? How to grill a Guinea Pig on the grill? Want to know what to do in a $10 a night hotel room when you are stuck there for 4 days with Salmonella? Want to pass your Social Studies class? Maybe you want to know how to make the PE teacher cry. Need to save money while dating that special someone... Well, I can help you with all of the above and more.

SO, here it is!!! I am unveiling "Free Advice Fridays!!!" If you need any advice, just send me an email semi.madman@gmail.com or a message through facebook (which I will be setting up this weekend, so stay tuned) or through twitter (ditto on the setting up this weekend) and, if you are lucky, I will dish out some very good advice for you the following Friday. And it will all be for free!!! I am not talking your basic "here, do this" advice. NO!!!!! I am talking psychologist style advice here. After a few months of my Free Advice Fridays column, Dr. Phil will be forwarding his letters to me and asking me to help him out. This is the real deal, so take advantage!!!

My first piece of advice I am dishing out is for all of my former students who have graduated and now moved away from home and are at college. Many of them have probably never cooked in their lives. It has always been there mom who did their cooking. So, here is my advice on cooking, College Style. And remember, I know this works cause this is how I survived through college.

1. Boil a bunch of water.










2. Look over the directions -- Remember your SQ3R stuff you learned in Elementary. You only need to skim the directions. Make sure you have everything you need like water.









3. Dip your finger in the water to make sure it is warm enough. If your finger hurts like Hell and you have to quickly remove your finger from the water while cursing, you are probably ready for the next step.

4. Throw your ingredients in the boiling hot water.










5. Don't forget to throw in the ingredients that flew all over the counter when you hurriedly ripped the box open.










6. Watch "Rock of Love", "Survivor", or "Paris Hilton's BFF" (Coop's favorite show) or any other of the 279 reality TV shows on TV at any given time for 10 or 15 minutes. If it says to stir every once in a while, don't worry about it. The bubbles will do that for you.

7. When you get to a commercial, take the pot off the stove and drain the water. If you have a drainer use it, but if you want to be tough, just use your hands. It really impresses people and you rarely get anything worse than second degree burns. They heal in a week or so.










8. Add the processed cheese dust, milk and butter. Make note of how it looks like a melted mustard bottle. Maybe they make this cheese stuff and then harden it into yellow bottles...






9. Add the curly things that were drained to the plastic lookin cheese.

10. Eat directly from the pot. This makes for less dishes to wash. Clean up will be a breeze.
Now, you should go and study!!! I am a teacher, so I have to say that, but I know you will probably continue watching reality TV or go out for a night on the town. At least now, you know how to cook something that will keep you nourished and good to go. Take it from me, I ate this stuff at least twice a week and I turned out all right (Well, Kind of anyway)
More Advice next Friday. If you have a question, let me know. Have a great weekend!!

New Feature -- Movie Reviews by a Semi-Madman

I am starting a new feature here - MOVIE REVIEWS BY A SEMI-MADMAN

1st movie to be reviewed -- Daddy Day Camp

We watched this movie last night with the kids. It is the sequel to Daddy Day Care that starred Eddie Murphy. We figured it would be a good movie to watch with the kids.

Boy, Were we Wrong!!! This movie sucks!!! I immediately put it into my "Top Ten List of All-Time Worst Movies" (Which will be published soon on this blog).

First, it had Cuba Gooding Jr. and nobody else I had ever heard of. Now I like Cuba Gooding Jr., but he is getting into the "Eddie Murphy" career path of movies. He has made some great movies, then he starts doing kid movies and his career goes downhill from there. I think the last good movie he has done is "Radio"

This movie looked like it had potential to be a funny sequel to Daddy Day Care, but they failed horribly. There was no continuity in the story, it just seemed to jump around and the humor was beyond childish. You could not even classify it as juvenile, it was more like Pre-juvenile.

I knew this movie was in trouble when I looked over at the kids and they were disinterested. Both of them are usually yelling and asking questions throughout the movie. This time, they could care less. They rarely laughed at the stupid jokes in the movie.

They also re-cast the entire cast, and they were acting and dressing the same as the first group, but the quality of acting was terrible.

Poor Cuba Gooding Jr. I don't think he is a bad actor, but he somehow got cast into a very bad movie. He obviously did not read the script or he just assumed it would be good since the first one was good. I bet Cuba is wishing he had never even heard of that movie!!! I can see why Eddie declined to do the sequel.

My Final Verdict 1.5 out of 10 stars. Do not see this movie, do not even rent it. Don't even watch it for free on HBO. It is a waste of time

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Only in Iowa

Picture taken at a Burger King in Northern Iowa.

Welcome to "Ramblings of a Semi-Mad Man

Hello!  I am glad you stopped by.  I would like to personally welcome you to my new blog.  You see, I used to have an award-winning blog (which shall rename nameless) that I wrote over the past 3+ years.  Everything was going great, then I got pissed off at my job and wanted to move.  I started looking for a new job.  I then found that several schools were interested in me, but they did not like my blog.  I guess it was a bit too risque (if you know what I mean).  Also, some people did not agree with my views on politics, religion, education and just about everything else.  In other words, there were complaints.

My first reaction was "SCREW IT!!!  I LOVE TO WRITE AND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP!"  Then reality set in and I thought I was going to be stuck in this crappy little town in Iowa teaching at a crappy little school that had some idiot as a superintendent who had no clue how to run a school.  So I decided to put my award-winning blog on hiatus until I found a job, moved and got settled in.

Well folks, it is that time.  I have settled in.  I have a wonderful job that I love (the principal and superintendent are great) and I live in a nice city (not some Hell-hole redneck town full of meth-heads).  I am happy but something has been missing.  I figured out what it was.  WRITING!!!!

I love to write.  I write about everything.  You will see.  I am very opinionated, but I like to think my opinions make you think.

I will be posting some things from my old blog and writing alot of new things.  So stay tuned and check back often!!!!
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