Saturday, April 14, 2012

Tracy Had a Fun Night!

Now she needs to learn how to use Facebook!  Thanks to The Blog Catalog Menace for sending me this!  Check out his Cool Blog!


Tracy isn't all that bad looking either!  Congrats Tracy on getting back into the game!

Hooters Girls Wear Sunglasses Under the Water

Why Show This?  Because I can.  It also helps when there are bikinis, Hooters Girls and Sunglasses.  :)

Obama KFC Commercial in Hong Kong

OK, OK - The Obama Guy is fake.  Not the real thing.  The fake one has no teleprompter.  The Real Obama would need one of those to keep him focused. 

Another Bad Tattoo

Why would you get a tattoo of Eli Manning giving his brother Peyton Manning a Noogie?  WHY???

And don't forget to check out some other bad tats:
Sarah Palin Fan?  

A Gangster Knitter

Renee Herlocker - Happy Birthday!

Renee is a former Denver Bronco's cheerleader and is currently a video correspondent on ESPN.  Although I have never met her, a friend of mine who lived in Denver claims to have dated her for a few months.  I have seen pics of them together, but I cannot confirm if they actually dated.  Renee has not returned my phonecalls nor has she responded to my tweets and facebook messages.  Maybe she is busy!

Anyway, the real reason I am posting this is to put some pics up of the girl that Brad may have, or may not have, dated. Enjoy and Happy Birthday Renee!





Beer or Gas...

I think this sign makes that decision easy!  I am definitely going for the beer this weekend!
I guess that is the one good thing with the rising gas prices - It gives you a good excuse to get drunk!!!

Friday, April 13, 2012

The Infamous Nerd Sex Tape

Funny and provocative!  See how the other half lives and maybe get some ideas to spice up your sex life.  Enjoy!!!!


Open Letter To The Dude In The Ice Cream Section of Wal Mart

Dear Dude,

The Ice Cream that you keep telling your wife to get -- The one that is made up of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry all mixed perfectly together in one carton? Well, that ice cream was never the Emperor of France. That ice cream never fought in the Battle of Waterloo and it was never exiled to the island of St. Helena. It never did any of these things, so stop calling it Napoleon Ice Cream! That's...that's not what it's called.  If you can't get it right, then you shouldn't buy the stuff!!!

Pleased to help,
Matt (aka The Semi-Madman)

Free Advice Fridays - Misty Gates Teaches You "How To Kiss"

Some of you May Have to Take Notes

Safe Sex For Seniors

This is an ad campaign to promote Safe Sex for senior citizens.  Although it is based in Florida, the ads are showing up everywhere.   


There is even a video that is kind of like a public service announcement:



All I can say is that I hope I am still having sex when I am a "senior".  Hell, I hope I can still get it up!!!!

Free Advice Friday - How To Write a Paper in College

Sent to me by a former student who wishes to remain anonymous --

How to write a paper in college/university:


1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee.  Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of a site that pirates music.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out bored.com.

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

Now This Guy is Really Awesome!!!

Now this guy has some guts.  He may currently be the coolest guy out there.  He definitely is the "Awesome-ist" dude around. 

An out of work cabinet installer in Oregon named Douglas Allen Smith, Jr. has legally changed his name to Captain Awesome.  CAPTAIN AWESOME!!!  That is this guys new legal name.  People see him at a store, they have to call him Captain Awesome.  He wins a prize on the radio, the announcer will say "Captain Awesome"  How cool is that?!?!?!  I have posted below his official court documents including his signature which is arrows pointing to a smiley face (this guy has class!)

Captain Awesome - You are truly AWESOME!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Paging Mr. Dick Butts...

I would hate to be that 1 person!

I Am Speechless!!!!

WOW!!!!
UHHHH...That girl has a Future!

My Picture

As many of you know, I used to have an award-winning blog but I shut it down due to a job change.  Now, I am back and blogging once again, this time under a vague name that actually describes me pretty well.  I am a little bit mad!  Anyway, I probably get a couple of people each day wanting to see a picture of me.  And I do send some pics out via email (ladies---I am always up for a picture trade ;), but I will rarely put my personal picture up on this blog.

I am starting to get tired of the hassling and the begging for pics, so I found one.  Enjoy it because I won't be putting another one on here for awhile.



Why Can Women Play Wii for Hours, But...


My New Backyard Lights...

Hope you like them neighbors  :)

Drop It Like It's Hot

Remember the Sun Drop soda commercial that had the girl going around shake her tush?  Here is the Nerd version.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Derek Jeter's 10 Hottest Girlfriends

Over at Sportscasm.com, a great sports blog by the way, I ran across one of their posts in which they list Derek Jeter's 10 Hottest Girlfriends of all time.  It might be a couple of years old, but it is definitely worth a look.  Here is a sneak peak.  Click the link to see them all!




 Remember Rachel Uchitel?  The hottie on the left?  She was also one of Tiger Wood's mistresses.  Read more about her here.

Interactive Adventures - Hard Equations

Watch the Video and then you decide what the guy should do. Leave your choices in the comments!

Annoying Facebook Shares

I think each and everyone one of us has friends on facebook who like to post or "Share" a few of these corny little pics each and every day.  I have several on my page that do this, and they are all women (I am not stereotyping, just presenting the facts.  I, for one, am getting a little annoyed by the abundance of these pics that people repost.  And it isn't just me, I have several buddies who have mentioned this too me.  That is the reason for the post.  We were drinking last Saturday night and for some weird reason, this came up.

I would like to get in touch with Mark Zuckerberg, or whatever the Facebook guru's name is, and propose that there should be a limit of these posts to 3 or4 a week. That way our newsfeed/timeline doesn't get littered with 10+ of these things each day.
 
And if you want to see if these things really work, go ahead and save this picture and post it on your Facebook page.  I bet it doesn't get any comments or even a share.  

You can also like My Facebook Page and share it from there if you want to give me a little credit.  That would be nice.  Even if you don't post it, go ahead and like my page.  Please!!!  :)  


By the way...A friend asked me why I do not just delete the friends who are going around posting these stupid things.  Answer:  They are HOT!!!  A couple of them are bonafide Hotties.  I don't care what they are doing, you do not delete Hotties from your Facebook page!  

A Real McDonald's Application

This kid will go far!!


This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida, and they hired him because he was honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the firstplace.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
AVAILABLE TO WORK: Of course! That's why I am applying
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearninghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.

Buy a Truck and Get a Free AK-47


Found This Golden Nugget from my Old Blog: 


WOW!!!  Check out this add.  This truck dealer is in the middle of a controversy after launching a promotion: A free AK-47 assault rifle to anyone who buys a used truck.

Officials at Nations Trucks, based in Sanford, Florida, posted the offer on its website, boasting: 'Buy A Truck, Get A Free AK-47'.

They actually don't get the AK-47 from the dealership.  Customers who buy a truck are given a $400 gun shop voucher. Apparently the truck buyers have to pass a background check before being given the voucher.

This is a Super Bowl Winning Quarterback?

Giants Fans, I would be scared.  This is a picture of your Super Bowl winning quarterback taken last month on a beach.  He looks a little out of shape if you ask me.  Hell, his stomach is bigger than mine!!!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Terrifying Tuesday - Mall Girl!

WOW!!!  If I saw that at the Mall, I would be taking pics too!  My question:  Why did the black out the guy's face?  Anyway, This is definitely terrifying!!!

Republican Hotties Vs. Democrat Hotties

A friend sent me this video link via email.  It compares women who are known Republicans to Women who are known Democrats.  The first 2:50 are Republicans, the second half are Democrats.  You are gonna love the Democrats!!!    :)


The Best Places to Experience an Earthquake

Just thinking after watching a show on earthquakes that aired on the Discovery Channel:

Where would be some cool places to experience an earthquake.  My unofficial earthquake count is 3 - One in Oaxaca, two in South America.  None of them were all that special.  Just some shaking of things on the wall, a couple things fell off a shelf, but there was no mass destruction or anything.  I don't even think there were any deaths.

Experiencing an earthquake in a hotel room or in a store (For me - 2 were in hotels and one was in a market) is kind of boring.  Where could one have fun whilst in the middle of an earthquake?  Kind of like a "Wow, this is really Cool!" experience.  I found this chart that answers just that question. 

 So next time you are in an earthquake and you know there is a bouncy ball factory or a bobblehead store around, get there ASAP!!!!  And Have fun!!!

The Bikini Graph

Supposedly, The USA is on the path to economic recovery (whatever - I haven't seen much evidence of it!), as shown by this graph:

Then, I happened to catch a snippet of the Rachel Maddow show in which she describes this graph as the bikini graph.  HMMM... I am surprised I didn't think of that first!


NO FUPA!!!

A Friend from Arizona sent me this license plate picture.  NOFUPA!  I have to admit, I didn't know what that meant.  I had to Google it and I found it in the Urban Dictionary.  According to the Urban Dic., FUPA stands for "Fat Upper Pussy Area" for a girl and "Fat Upper Penis Area" for a guy.  So if you have a little, or big, love handle below the belly button and above your genitalia, then you have FUPA.

My question is:  Is the driver of this truck a guy or a girl?  If it is a girl, Call me!  A Guy - Congrats on not having any FUPA!


Terrifying Tuesdays!!!! - Dogs



Man's Best Friend!!!!  I love dogs.  We have a Pug at home.  Cute little dude that is the least obedient dog in the world.  But at least he isn't terrifying.

Here are some pics of some scary dogs!!  Beware





Can we have an exorcism?  I mean this dog looks possessed.  I would be expecting it to turn its head all the way around and puke, then rip my head off!!














Not sure if this is the same dog or not.  I wouldn't want that dog playing near my kids.














Da Da Duh!!  Maybe more ugly than scary.  Or maybe just plain weird!!!  Why would you buy a bedazzled dog collar with hearts for the thing???













I would stay away from this one because it looks like it has leprosy or some other kind of contagious skin disease.  I envision getting sores all over my body if I touched that one!!!













UGLY, WEIRD, AND SCARY all rolled into one dog.  I mean seriously -- Who could love that thing?!?!?!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Those Ex-Girlfriend Porno Sites...


Funny Stuff!  Guys, even though you may not say it when it comes up in conversation, you know you would be thinking the same as this guy is talking! 

Now She Knows That "Tulsa" Spelled Backwards is "ASLUT"


10 Ways To Tell You Are a Teacher

This was sent to me by a Blog Reader.  She asked that I include it as a post.  Thanks Jamie from Joplin, Missouri!

Top Ten Ways to Tell You're a Teacher

1. When you go to pull down your pants in the ladies room, the following items spill out of your pocket: 2 dry erase markers (one red, one black); paper clips of various shapes, sizes, and colors; a grape scented pencil; and assorted scraps of paper.

2. When requesting a refund on Ebay, your mother asks, "Are you being mean, or are you using your teacher voice to scare a refund out of her?"

3. On the back seat of your car is no longer a change of clothes, sexy heels, and spare makeup bag. Instead there is one sneaker, a travel coffee mug that you keep forgetting to bring inside and wash, and a green and blue koosh ball you found in the parking lot that you thought one of the kids might like.

4. On a second date you sit down to watch a movie and automatically pull papers out of your purse to grade.

5. Your INBOX on Facebook is jammed with messages from students asking when the next spelling test is (and whether or not spelling counts).

6. Your weekends are planned around whether or not you've managed to avoid catching whatever it is that the super affectionate little plague rats are currently carrying.

7. Your Christmas list currently has more classroom supplies listed than it does "fun" items. Oh and you wrote your list on the same decorative paper you had the kids write their list on during Art class.

8. The cuff of every single one of your white blouses has an unidentifiable black smudge on it. Come to think of it, it's probably dry erase marker...I hope that comes out with water. But if it came out with water, it wouldn't be dry erase would it...

9. You're the only one done with work at 2:30 everyday and you can't find anyone to come over and play.

10. And finally, you know you're a teacher when the reason you leave the party early is that it's getting late (past 9:00 pm) and you have bus duty in the morning.

God help me.

False Corpse Prank

My Friend Brian sent me this.  He found it somewhere on the internet.  Pretty funny prank!  I think I may have to try this next time I stay at a Hotel.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

This Guy Thinks He Is Maradona

Check out this goal by Jhasmani Campos of Club Boliva against Real Mamore.
As a soccer coach, I have to say that was one of the most impressive goals I have seen.  

What The Hell Happened to Madonna's Arms?


EWWWW!  I know Madonna works out all the time, and you can definitely see the muscles (and veins!), but shouldn't she also be eating from time to time.  I imagine this is what anorexic bodybuilders would look like!  

Father of the Year Candidate -- NOT!

This Dad is gonna get in some trouble.  TV cameras  at the Texas Rangers Baseball game caught him sharing "Chew" (That is chewing tobacco for the uninitiated out there) with his pre-teen son.  I wonder if momma knows?



Having lived in Texas, I guess this doesn't surprise me.  They start chewing and dippin' early down there.  Doesn't mean it is right...

Kate Upton as Peter Cottontail...You Are Welcome Guys!

Just in time for Easter, Kate Upton dressed as a lingerie clad Easter bunny dancing to Peter Cottontail. And she even has Hard Boiled Eggs in Her Top!  

Evil Easter Bunny

This Bunny Looks Possessed


HAPPY EASTER!!!

I hope all of my readers have a wonderful Easter Sunday.  If you do not celebrate Easter, then have an awesome and relaxing Sunday.  Most of all, have fun.
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