Saturday, April 21, 2012

Three Stooges - The Porn Parody

Porn Director Will Ryder, who also directed Beverly Hillbillies a XXX Parody, announced plans for a Three Stooges XXX parody. Now, it seems it may not happen.  A lawyer representing one of the companies that produced the Farrelly Brothers version released over the weekend, has sent a letter to the lawyers of the XXX version, saying that the porn parody version is copyright infringement.  Looks like Larry, Curly and Moe may not be getting any action anytime soon!  


My take on this whole thing:  Leave those three dead guys alone!  It isn't enough that the Farrelly Brothers, once Hollywood's hottest writing, producing and directing team, degrade the Stooges by making a sub-par movie (Trust me, it isn't worth seeing in the theaters -- Wait for it on Netflix), but now some porno director is making a Porn Parody about these three.  Really?  


How many of you readers want to see Larry, Curly and Moe look a-likes having sex!  EWWWWW!  


And Pornography is dirty and disgusting anyway.  Sex is supposed to be behind closed doors, although many couples these days seem to have IPhone cameras and digital camcorders in those bedrooms as well.  So there is a grey area, but that is irrelevant here.  We are talking about the Stooges!  I don't care how hot the girls are, watching the Three Stooges Look A-likes doing it is a big turn off for me!!!!  




Tbaoo -- You rock!

I just want to give a big shout out to Tbaoo, a big supporter of my blog.  His tweets have helped me gain an audience and I appreciate it!




Follow him on Twitter:

@tbaootweets

And please check out his blog:  Tbaoo



THANKS AGAIN Tbaoo!!!

Great Gun Commercial

From the website NothingToxic.com...



Hot Woman Deals with Home Invasion - Watch More Funny Videos

Mike Stone and Megan Piper - Porn and Prom

Remember my post about the student in Minnesota who wanted to take porn star Megan Piper to his prom?

Too bad the dude told the whole world about it.  If he had kept his mouth shut, he would have had no problme taking her to prom.  No one would have know her profession.  Anyway, the kid blabbed it and word spread, thanks to the news and bloggers like myself.  (Sorry Mike!)

Megan accepted his invitation but the school said NO!  Party Poopers!  (Note to self, make sure my kid doesn't go to Tartan High School, EVER!)  It looks like it turned out all right for Mike because he is having his own party (Kind of like an alternative prom) with the Megan coming (not sure if I should spell that both ways), who accepted because she never went to her own prom.  He also had people chanting his name in the hallway and calling him a legend. The dude will forever be remember in the halls of Tartan High School.  Here are some pics of Megan (None of Mike, sorry dude!)


Megan, I am having an office party in June.  Would you like to come?  I am sure you will not be blackballed there.  There are only a few people who read this blog, so they will never know...   

Penguin's Fan Faceplant

I can't stand the Penguins, but I have to give credit to this fan.  He did a faceplant and got right back up!  Well done Sir!!!

Words of Wisdom From Frank Sinatra


Not only was the guy the best singer ever, he was a philosopher.  So True Frank!!! 

Bollywood Movies Are So Dramatic



I love them!!!

The Hunger Games Parody

Friday, April 20, 2012

This is What Girls Do When They Clean

Happy Birthday Fenway Park

Happy Birthday to Fenway Park!  Today, Fenway Park turns 100 years old!   WOW!  The oldest Baseball stadium in the world (I am assuming).  I heard on the news that over 138 million people have passed through the gates of Fenway Park, including myself 4 times.  I will never forget the first time I saw the Green Monster and was surrounded by people drinking beer and talking in that Bostonian Accent!  I loved it.  I am a huge Boston Red Sox Fan and try to catch them whenever they play in Kansas City or Minnesota.

In honor of Fenway's 100 year Birthday, I leave you with some of the most beautiful ladies who are Red Sox Fans!  Enjoy Red Sox Nation!












Mexican Ref Gets It In The Face

In Mexico, they have been using this spray paint to mark kicks and the 10-yd mark.  Ref Ricardo Arellano forgot to make sure the nozzle was pointing away from him.  I hope Cruz Azul won!!!

Nudists Needed in Texas

Always Bringing you the best news from around the world - That is my Goal!!!



It seems that there is a shortage of young nudists at nudist colonies throughout the States.

I wonder why?  Even if I were a young nudist ( I am young and I am kind of a nudist--I walk around the house naked when no one is home) I doubt I would want to be hanging out at a nudist colony looking at that!

Free Advice Friday - Traveling after Graduation

As we inch closer to the college graduation season, I can't help but think of what I went through before, during and after my graduation from the University of Texas.  There is so much to consider and think about, it can be mind-blowing! 

Never fear, the Madman is here to Help!!!  This spring, I’ve gotten a few emails asking the same question: “I want to wait out the bad economy, do some traveling, but I’m a broke-ass college student… what should I do?”  I have the answers because that is what I did after college. I traveled and saw the world.  So here are my tips to those of you who want to spend your year after college traveling – but you have no money saved:

1. Live as cheaply as possible.  That means staying with your parents, sleeping on your friends couch or sharing a two bedroom apartment with six people.  Start eating alot of Mac & Cheese and always buy generic.  You have got to save, save, save $.
2.  If you have student loans, go ahead and defer them.  After graduation you automatically get a six month reprieve from paying off the loans.  Six months from graduation, you can defer again. You will have to pay off some interest, but that interest will be minimal.  If you want to travel, you almost have to do this one. 
3.  Get a job.  Any job will do.  You’ll just be working for the summer, so if you can get yourself to a resort town, you can make good money working as a waiter/waitress or bartender (anything with tips).  A lot of my friends went to Vegas and worked in Casinos for a few months.  They are always hiring college grads and they know they are probably only going to work for a few months. 
4.  You will need to save over $1000.  Not paying rent, cheap eats, and not paying off your school loans will help.  You have to have discipline and stop going out on weekends and partying, etc.  If you do this, you can easily save that much in about 3 or 4 months. 
5.  Find a flight, but leave from a big airport.  If you can take a bus or have a friend drive you to a big city airport with international flights, you will probably save $200 to $300.  Try and get to DFW, LA, NYC, Atlanta, Miami, etc. 
6.   Relax amd have fun.  Get to your starting point and then chill out.  Once you get to the first country, you can plan things and see how it goes.  I never traveled with a plan, I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do, but it always changed.  Weather, meeting people, transportation strikes, visa delays, etc. will slow you down, but go with the flow. 
7.  Stay in cheap places (obviously). Remember, just because a hotel is cheap doesn't always mean it is bad.  Hotels in many countries only cost $10-$20 a night because the average person living there only makes maybe $1000 a year.  If you can, stay in hostels.  Many of these are only a few dollars a night.  You also meet alot of fellow travelers. 
8.  Get a job while traveling. I taught English while traveling.  You can also get a job as a tutor, guide, etc.  I actually got a job while in southern Mexico when a family who spoke no Spanish was freaking out and wanted someone who spoke English to show them around Palenque.  I volunteered and made a couple hundred dollars over a few days.  There are alot of opportunities for work while traveling.  Check with the hostels in town - many times they will have a job board.  Talk to other travelers, especially those who have been there for a few months.  Check with the hotels. 
9.  Work, make friends, have fun, explore the local area. You will eventually know when it is time to move on to the next country.  Don't go with a plan that has to be stuck to.  You may give yourself 3 days in a city and find it is an incredible place and spend several weeks there. 
10.  Expect the Unexpected.  Things happen.  You will run into problems such as pickpockets, road blocks, chickens on buses, angry farmers, crazy taxi drivers, etc.  Just remember it is all about experiencing another culture.  Relax and go with the flow!

Don't Piss off Nikki Stanley

Seriously, don't mess with her.  I don't know who would date her, unless it is Jason Statham or Chuck Norris.  I would be a little nervous. 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I Like This New Nun Attire!


Kate Upton from the Movie "The Three Stooges"  Here's another one:

A Threesome...Doggie Style!

I have never seen this before in my life!  A doggie threesome.  Unbelievable!  I guess dogs are just as perverted as we are!


Pittsburgh Steelers and Their UGLY Jerseys

The Pittsburgh Steelers released this photo of Isaac Redman wearing the teams new reto jersey earlier this week.  This is, by far, the ugliest Sports Jersey I have ever seen!   It is God-Awful!  Who the hell did the Steelers hire to design that piece of crap!  They should get their money back.  I can't believe they are actually going to wear these for a game this year!  

Getting Pregnant is a Popular Disease



A buddy sent me this from a New York Bookstore.  Apparently Pregnancy is now a disease!

Actually, it is close.  You feel like shit, vomit, feel like shit again, get tired, vomit, have an achy back, vomit, etc. for most of 9 months.  Then you go through the most excruciating pain of all-time!

Thank God I am not a woman!

My Shameless Plug

First and foremost, Thanks to all who are wishing me the best as I try and battle through this insomnia period I am going through.  Hopefully, I will get some sleep tonight!

Now, my shameless, selfless plug benefiting nobody buy myself.

If you are reading this blog, you are one of my blog readers!  Hooray!!!
So I please ask that you follow my blog via Google Friend connect.  It is located to the left where all the pics are of the pretty people who follow the blog already.  It says "Fans of the Semi-Mad Man"  You can add your pretty pic there just by clicking the join button.  It is easy to do!

Also, I would ask that you like my blog page on Facebook.  You can find it at http://www.facebook.com/RamblingsOfASemiMadman or just click the Like button on the left hand column under all the flags.  You probably have to scroll down a little.  You can even get your pic on there as well.

Lastly, for those who have Networked Blogs app, please scroll down that left column to near the bottom.  You can follow my blog via Networked blogs by clicking that follow button.  Or you can just click on this link: http://www.networkedblogs.com/blog/ramblings-of-a-semi-mad-man

Oh wait, I almost fogot.  You can add me as a friend on facebook too. Here is my personal facebook page.

And if you have twitter, follow me as well:

@semi_madman


Damn!!!  I am connected!  Thanks for following and liking and friending and all that other stuff.  I will follow back, friend back and like back as well.  Just let me know!  

Have a great day and thanks for Reading "Ramblings of a Semi-Madman"

Epic Cover Letter

This is Hilarious!  The Best Cover Letter I have ever seen!

I have Insomnia

It is 2 AM and I can't fall asleep!  UGH!!  I am exhausted and went to bed at 10 PM.  4 hours later and I am still awake, tossing, turning and thinking.  I got online to check the blog and some email.  Then I started typing, aimlessly...

This is what I came up with:
Can't sleep...
cAn't sleep...
caN't sleep...
can'T sleep...
can't Sleep...
can't sLeep...
can't slEep...
can't sleEp...
can't sleeP...

Pretty Cool!  Anyway, I am going back to bed.  Hoping I can fall asleep soon, especially since I have to get up in 4 hours!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The New Victoria's Secret Commercial

Just for you guys out there,  and any women looking to buy bras, here's the Victoria's Secret 'Adds-2-Cup Push-Up Bra' commercial with Erin Heatherton, Lindsay Ellingson, and Elyse Taylor.  Enjoy and Thank Me by following my blog and liking my facebook page


You Ain't Gangsta!

This reminds me of the lady I posted the other day with the gun and something like $13 dollars, trying to look all tough and shit.  This dude has what looks like a bunch of $1 bills and he is riding an old style bike!  PLEASE!!!  Don't act all gangsta until you are rollin' in at least a prius and have a couple $50's in there!

And watch out dude...I think your homie is gonna snatch your $11 dollars!  He is staring down the $$$.  

Penis Socks

For the man who wants his junk to hang in comfort and style!

I may have to get one of these and test them out.  I will let you know how they are

Beer and Ice Cream are So Similar


I Thought Only Kids Did This!

GROSS!!! 

Toilets Are Too Loud

Last night I had to pee at 3 in the morning.  No problem.  I went to do my duty, kept the lights off and tried to stay as quiet and relaxed as possible so I could fall right back to sleep when I got back in bed.  Then,  flushed the Frickin toilet!  WTF!!!!  Why the hell are toilets so loud?!! I was still half asleep and then I flushed the damn toilet and it’s like a fucking Metallica just started playing in my house at 3 AM!!!  I don't remember my toilet being so loud during the day and evening!  Man, I have to get a new toilet or start wearing ear plugs!  Needless to say, it took me a good 30 minutes to fall back asleep.  Now I have a feeling today is going to suck!!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

This Cameraman is Looking for Boobs!

Can he make it anymore obvious.  He scans the crowd, then finds a girl with a tank top and cleavage.  Does a double take and stays on her.  You get no points for subtlety dude!


Girls and Guys in the Bathroom

I don't want to be stereotypical, but this seems to be true for about 75% of the women and probably 90% of the guys!  That's how I roll in the Toilet!  


Pregnant Hooter's Girl!!!

Found this "De-"Motivational Poster.  I have never seen a pregnant Hooter's Girl -- At least not one that was still working.  I think that is just...odd!!!

Kimmy is Sad!!!

I guess she is ever the pessimist!

Terrifying Tuesday -- Your Pouty Face Looks Like Ass!

Note to women who want to pull off that pouty-lip look that is so 5 years ago:

MAKE SURE YOUR LIPS DON'T LOOK LIKE AN ORANGUTAN'S BLOATED ASS!

Paulina Gretzky (The Great One's Daughter) Wears Lingerie to NightClubs

Courtesy of TMZ:




Yes, that is Wayne Gretzky's daughter, Paulina filmed going out on the town in Los Angeles over the weekend.  She is wearing a top and lingerie.





She definitely gets her looks from her mom!  Her mom was and still is a hottie MILF.  Wayne is still Ugly.










Here are some more pics of Paulina:



Terrifying Tuesday - Ugly!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Italian Car Commercial - Lesbianism Will Result in A Stolen Car

Leave it to the Europeans (Italians this time) to equate Lesbianism with getting your car stolen.  This semi-racy commercial for Renault is aired all day on Italian TV. 

My Bad My Man!


Luchador Wine anyone?

I bought this wine the other day at the World Market in West Des Moines.    For those who are not in the Know (Or their Spanish sucks), Luchadores are the world famous Mexican Masked Wrestlers. 

Funny thing is, this wine is NOT from Mexico, it is from Australia!  What do the Aussies know about Lucha Libre? 

I have to admit, the labels look pretty cool.  To be honest, that is why I got it.  The label is bad ass.  It has been drank (not bad wine by the way.  I give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars) and the bottle is sitting on the bar for the world to see.  Now i have to get the other 3 bottles to complete the collection!

Now This is a Rope Swing!

This actually looks like fun.  I would probably do this, although I would wear a life vest since I am not a "Michael Phelps" type swimmer.  The video is below the pic.



video

Darsheel and the Bongos







If it makes you feel any better Darsheel, I think you look pretty Hip bangin' those things!  You don't look weird buddy.  Maybe a little nerdy, but not weird!   Let your creative juices flow!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Want a Lighter Vagina?

I think I have seen it all.  Now a product that advertises a lighter vaginal area for the ladies: "Designed to address the problems women face in their private parts, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash offers protection, fairness and freshness. To be used while showering, its special pH-balanced formula cleans and protects the affected area, and even makes the skin fairer. Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner, fairer!" 



Ladies -- A little advice from a guy:  We don't really care how dark your labia lips are down there.  I don't know of too many guys who would go down there and then say "Damn, it is dark down there!"  Therefore, this is a waste of money.  Use the money you save on flavored lube, whipped cream and plenty of shaving and grooming products!

Sex for Chicken McNuggets







From the LA Times:

"A Los Angeles woman was arrested on suspicion of prostitution after she allegedly offered sexual favors in exchange for Chicken McNuggets, Burbank police said.

Khadijah Baseer was seen opening customers’ car doors in a McDonald’s drive-through on the 1700 block of Olive Avenue late Wednesday night, Officer Joshua Kendrick told the Burbank Leader.

A customer told police that Baseer asked for free Chicken McNuggets in exchange for sexual favors. The man said he declined the offer."

I really wish I had a picture of Khadijah Baseer.  Something tells me this chick was UGLY cuz I know a few guys who would take her up on that offer if she was half-way decent looking.  







Arica and the Mystery Tooth

 
Arica (with an A?), please!!!  Don't put the blame on Michael.  I am sure there is a great explanation for this. Let's look at some possible explanations:

1.   Maybe one of your Chola girlfriends were over and they knocked out a tooth on a crackpipe.
2.  Maybe the tooth fairy hit up the wrong house.
3.  Michael and his friends had a wild night of drinking, one of them passed out, fell and broke his tooth on a beer bottle.
4...... Screw It!  I think you are right Arica.  Michael was probably getting blown by a Crack Whore/Meth Head whose gums had deteriorated so much her teeth are just barely clinging to the last remnants of her gums.  She was so drugged up, she didn't even feel the tooth pop out while she was "workin'" for her drug money.  Come to think of it, Michael was probably messed up on drugs too, trying to forget your painted-on eyebrows, so he didn't notice.

There you go, I should be on Frickin' CSI!!!

Mondays and Sundays

(NOTE:  This post started as a rant against Mondays, but I felt invigorated and fresh, so I included Sundays in there too.  That is why the post is called "Mondays and Sundays"  I know which one comes first.  DUH!!!) 

When I first wake up on a Monday morning I am struck by a brief (very brief) thought of ingesting just enough arsenic or other posion to get me extremely ill for a month or so, but not enough to kill me. 

You see, I would do just about anything to avoid going through the daily rigors of a Monday.  What even makes Mondays worse are the fact that I don't only have to face the realities of that crappy day, but also start planning on how to tackle the realities of the entire week.  It is a daunting task! 

Come to think of it, I am not a big fan of Sunday either.  I have written about my slight dislike of Sundays on this blog before.  I truly believe that these two days of the week cause the greatest angst and discomfort in the world. To me, Sundays are way too long and, unfortunately, Sundays put us in anticipation of Monday.  That angst of waiting for Monday starts to manifest itself early in the afternoon on Sunday and increases in magnitude as the hours slowly crawl by.  You know this is it!  The weekend is almost over and no more relaxing for the next 5 days!  There is nothing you can do about it!  UGH!  I hate that feeling. 

If you think about it though, Sunday isn't bad in itself.  It just got the bum rap of being placed before Monday.  If Saturday were the day before Monday, then we would hate Saturdays.  Think about it...all of the hatred towards Sunday is due to Monday anticipation. If Sunday fell the day before vacation for example (like the Sunday before Labor Day) ,you wouldn't have this ill feeling in your stomach about the next day.  Sundays before vacations are great days. 

Personally, I blame all of this adult misery on the schools (Yes, I am a teacher and I hate Mondays but it isn't because I am teaching.)  Thinking back on my life (feel free to reflect upon yours now too, but please keep reading) I had pretty good Sundays and Mondays prior to starting Kindergarten.  When I started going to school, the crappy reality that was Monday struck me like a lightning bolt between the eyes.  The pain it caused still remains with me to this day.  Thanks Elementary School and Western Society!!!

That school experience is what made Mondays bad for all of us for the reminder of our lives.  We get out of school and things don't change.  Now, it just isn't school, but it is the work week that starts on Monday. 

Mondays are bad because I, as a teacher, are usually faced with a ton of emails that came in Friday after school and over the weekend, faculty meetings to discuss grades, students worried about the test they have that they didn't study for over the weekend, stacks of papers to grade, etc.  That is my Monday Hell and it gives me a big twisting, wrenching pain in my gut.  Mondays also tend to remind me of all the things I vowed to get to during the week and hadn’t addressed the previous week due to such important causative factors as laziness and procrastination. Consequently, my Mondays leave me feeling immersed in guilt because I know I will decide that the entire challenging Monday task I should address will be deferred until Tuesday.  Then the vicious cycle starts to repeat itself.  WHEN WILL IT END! 

She is BAD!!!

This girl here is a Bad, Bad Motha...!  Look at her with gun and that "I am gonna Kick Yo' Ass!" look.  WOW!!!  I wouldn't mess with her. Matter of fact, it looks like she just capped the chick on the floor next to the bed!

And she is holdin $13 with a five on the bed!!!  Nice...With that much $$$, you can get a couple more of those fast food meals you have on the table and probably have enough change for bus fare home!
Way to go Gangsta Gal!!!

Overpossessive, Psycho, Crazy Bitch!

Check this chick's comment out.  I think this was from MySpace, or some other older social network.  Between her picture, comment and screen name, I would say she is either:
a.  Overpossessive
b.  A future serial killer
c.  A Bitch
d.  Psycho
e.  All of the Above!

I would have to go with e. All of the Above.  I hope to God she is joking.  If not, Alex - You better move to another country and delete all facebook, twitter accounts and anything else she could use to find you!  Good Luck Alex!  


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