Saturday, August 4, 2012

Reds Chris Heisey Hits an Inside-the-Park Home Run

Reds left fielder Chris Heisey Hit an Inside-the-Park Home Run yesterday. First one I have seen in years (Except in my son's T-Ball Games). They just don't happen that often and that is why we are posting the video. You may not see another one for 5 or 10 years!

Babes of the 2012 Olympics - THE VIDEO!


You know you want to watch it!




Geek History Month

We are now a few days into the glorious month of August.  A Bittersweet month for me.  The Iowa State Fair happens during August and we always have a great time at the fair.  The weather is really heating up meaning more pool and lake time, but August also means a return to work.  Yes, in just 2 weeks, I have to go back to teaching.  But I don't want to depress you, my beloved readers, with my sadness at returning to school.  NO!  I want to bring about a very serious matter that has come to my attention.

Nowadays, it seems as though everyone has their month.  There is Black History Month, Women's History Month and National Hispanic Heritage Month, just to name a few.  Now I used to be a history teacher and I have taught units on each of these groups' months.  I was thinking of groups that have been left out of the "Special" month naming and I came up with one very important group.  This group of hard-working and proud Americans have long suffered from prejudice and stereotyping.  They have contributed greatly to our culture and economy.  Without them, we would not be where we are today.

I am talking about geeks, who have contributed so much to society, while being so misunderstood. Yet for some strange reason, nobody has ever thought to declare a "Geek History Month."

Well I am here to change all of that.  In honor of the Bill Gates', Erkels, that skinny kid with glasses at school, I am hereby decreeing this month, the month of August, to be "GEEK HISTORY MONTH!" 

So why did I pick August?  On August 6, the internet web page was born.  Bill Gates has mentioned August is his favorite month, and AOL will be holding its first annual Geek Awards on August 16 in Los Angeles, featuring celebrities who aren't afraid to embrace their more technical side.

So there you have it - It is officially Geek Month.  ENJOY!!!!

Our Readers - Liesel Gant

Here is a picture sent to us by the beautiful Liesel Gant.  Liesel is a 20 year-old College senior at the University of Michigan.  She has been reading the blog for several months and likes "The wit, comedy and the Hot Girls!"  And we love you Liesel.


Looks Like Liesel wants to be a gymnast.  We think you have nice form!  Good Luck and send us more pics!!!

The TSA Is Taking Their Job to Extremes

My friend sent this.  I guess he took it at the Denver Airport. I know nothing is really happenin', but it sure looks bad!

Anyone want to caption this one?

Seinfeld Food Truck

Miss the Good 'ol Days of Seinfeld?  Remember Kramer and those dramatic Entrances?  Ever wanted to go to NYC and eat at the Soup Nazi's Restaurant?

A friend sent me this picture from NYC.  He told me there was actually a Seinfeld Food Truck driving around the town and stopping.  The guy that played the Soup Nazi was serving the food.  Apparently, the truck is touring the United States!  Any chance it will stop in Iowa?



The mobile food station served real Seinfeld-inspired food, like muffin tops (Episode: The Muffin Tops), junior mints (Episode: The Junior Mint), black and white cookies (Episode: The Dinner Party), Twix (Episode: The Dealership), Snapple (Episode: The Visa), and bottled water (not from any episode.) Of course, the pièce de résistance was mulligatawny soup Soup (Episode: The Soup Nazi), served by Larry Thomas, the actor who played the iconic chef on the show.
I found this video about the Truck on Youtube:

Want to Learn Mandarin - Try Sexymandarin.com!




Found this on the NY Daily News Website.  It appears that there is a new sexy online website that teaches Mandarin Chinese.  The site uses "Half-naked" models as the teachers.  The website is Sexymandarin.com.


And an even hotter video tutorial: SIGN ME UP!!!

Don't Get Mad At Your Cell Phone...

Just because you have to charge it every night.  I went on a drunken rant about that this last night.  I thought my cell phone battery was the devil because I was charging it all the time. My friend Ronald, who was out with us at the bar that night found this little cartoon and emailed it to me.  I have since forgiven my cell phone and its weak-ass battery!

Naughty and Nice Korea

Kudos to Australia's The Mx.  In their daily medal tables of the Olympic Games, they distinguish the two Koreas as Naughty Korea and Nice Korea! WELL DONE!!!

Wal-Mart: The Musical -- Now playing in Iowa and Wal-Marts around the United States




OK, Maybe not Broadway but it is playing at a Wal-Mart near you!  I see it all the time here in Iowa. 

Most Americans have been to Wal-Mart.  But you haven’t truly experienced it until you see Wal-Mart, The Musical.   I attended a performance just a few days ago.

The entire play takes place in a Super Wal-Mart.  It is Sunday afternoon during the busy, holiday shopping season.

Here’s the story in a nutshell.  Our hero, a young man who looked almost exactly like me, visits the Land of Wal-Mart.  He has been sent on a quest by his lovely wife to pick up a few things that she needs around the house.  The hero has to navigate his way through Wal-Mart and escape to the safety of his car in the parking lot.

During the prelude we were treated to Clem Snide’s true and humorous song “Wal-Mart Parking Lot”.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the place when one of the female leads, imaginatively costumed in black stretch pants and a shirt cut low enough to reveal a pair of angels tattooed on the upper slopes of her…charms, softly crooned a simple ballad to the children gathered around her cart: “I TOLD You 20 Times”.

It went like this “I TOLD you 20 times you gotta be 8 years old before I will buy you Grand Theft Auto.  I’m going to have your daddy (Rodney, that guy whose staying with us and kinda like your daddy) WHUP YOUR A** if you ask me ONE more time!”

I, have to admit, it was a catchy tune.  I heard several people singing that tune in the parking lot after the show.

Then, the Wal-Mart Redneck Children’s Choir almost stole the show with their rousing hit, “I Want THAT!”  The lyric was so simple, it was brilliant!  They sang “I Want THAT”, over and over.  I had flashbacks to past visits at Wal-Mart.  Any song that can bring back those memories is destined to be a classic!    The choir's bratty cries of the lyrics built and built to a mighty crescendo.  The number ended with the whole choir falling to the floor, where they began to kick and scream.  Unbelievable!  I will never forget it!  Call the Tony Awards now!

The Greeter’s Gospel Choir’s performed an a cappella rendition of Guns and Roses classic “Welcome to the Jungle”.  The sight of twenty 60 and 70 year olds singing Guns and Roses was awe-inspiring.  When I retire, I want to be a Wal-Mart Greeter!

Then came the finale, and it was worth the wait!!!  The Wal-Mart Shoppers Dance Troupe perfected for this extravaganza, a routine they call the "Oblivious Shuffle." Each shopper/dancer leaned on his or her cart and pushed it slowly, oh so slowly, back and forth across the stage.  Their shuffling gate kept one shoe or house slipper (Since half of the people that go to Wal-Mart wear sippers) on the floor at all times.

Most of the dancers had cell phones permanently attached to their ears.  One at a time, each would burst into song with lyrics like “…so that witch he married said they couldn’t take the kids next weekend and I told her if you think I’m going to pick them up on HIS weekend, you can just tell their dad…” or "Are you serious girl?  You slept with John the other night?  What if your husband finds out?  What about your other boy-toy, Frank?  They will be devastated!!!"  The dancers did it all with a blank, expressionless stare on their face that showed they really didn't care.  It must of taken weeks to learn that!  It was as if it were the Invasion of the Zombies going to Wal-Mart.  They really brought the whole Wal-Mart experience to life.

Meanwhile, the young hero wove his cart skillfully in and out of the shuffling throng of Zombie-like shoppers and redneck mothers, trying to get to the registers.  Of course, there were only 3 registers out of 20 open and when the hero got to the register, its light shut off and he had to go to another one.  You could really feel the agony the hero was experiencing.

All-in-All, it was a very satisfying and life-like experience.  I felt as though I had lived this whole Musical many times before in my life.

Check it out at your local Wal-Mart this week!!!

Friday, August 3, 2012

It's Leryn Franco Time at the Olympics!

Track and Field is starting in the Olympics!  This means is it Leryn Franco Time!  She is, in my opinion, the hottest Olympian there is, ever has been, and probably ever will be!  Leryn is a Paraguayan Javelin Thrower.

She tweeted this pic yesterday of her stretching before a warmup:

She is a goddess!  I hope she does great in the Olympics because that means we will be seeing more and more of her.  In the meantime, here are some other pics of this Olympic Hottie!






The Olympic Pool is Filled with Pee!

I kind of thought this, but now former USA Olympic swimmer Carly Geehr has confirmed it.  Olympic Swimmers pee in the pool.  According to her, nearly 100% of elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool. Regularly. Some deny it, some proudly embrace it, but everyone does.

Carly filled us in on the Pee Filled Pools at the Olympics:

Before a race is an interesting time. It depends on the meet and to some extent the color of the pool deck. I kid you not. You always try to pee before you swim, but sometimes your body defies logic and finds a way to refill your bladder just to spite you. Adrenaline and nerves wreak havoc on your system, and I knew tons of other swimmers that always, regardless of prior planning, had to pee right before a race. What to do if you're desperate? Well, it's not uncommon to splash yourself before you climb up on the blocks, so that extra liquid on yourself and the pool deck affords you an interesting opportunity. (I'll let you finish the rest of that thought.)

Warmup/practice - totally free reign. As a swimmer, you just have to accept that you're swimming in pee. I had a teammate that would sit on the wall and announce "I'm peeing!" which was... disgusting... but at least she warned us. I'm sure I've swum directly behind people who were just letting it all out.
The things people do for a Gold Medal!!!

I Picked Up a Girl on 6th Street Last Night...She Likes Vibrators

I was on 6th last night and got a little drunk.  I ended up meeting this girl and we went back to her apartment in South Austin, right next to Zilker Park.  She seemed like a nice, normal girl.  She looked like the girl-next-door type.  The kind of girl you would take home to mother.  She didn't drink alot and was fairly sober when we got to her place.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much.  I thought maybe we would make out a little and play around.  Man, was I surprised.  Within 5 minutes of getting in the door, we were already hot 'n heavy on her couch.  We get into her bedroom and she opens up her walk-in closet door.  She has a little bookcase filled with vibrators, dildos and other sex toys.  This wasn't the pic, but it looked similar to this:

To say this girl was freaky would be an understatement.  It has been awhile since I met a girl that can outlast me, but at 5:30 AM, she was wanting to do it again and I had had enough.  

And her toys...She loved to integrate them throughout the night!  We did some things that I thought I would never do!  WOW!!!  And I got her number.  I am thinking of a booty call tonight!  

--Enrique Santos

God's Kick in the Pants...Or Just Food Poisoning

As we wander through this strange path that we call life, we like to think that we are masters of our own destiny. We control our fate and whatever happens, happens because of the choices we make. We make our own decisions and know what’s in our best interests. Thus all of our choices that we have made have created the life that we have today.

At least that is what we would like to believe. I hear this stuff that is going on in our world and I am beginning to realize that we are just the latest version of The Sims that God just received in the mail and stuck in his computer, and he’s laughing his ass off.

What am I talking about you ask?  Well, let me give you an example.  I know a guy...let's call him James.   James is a pretty regular dude.  He has a normal life and tries to make all the right decisions.  I would call him complacent. He’s been dating the same girl for five years now and he recently confessed to me that he doesn't even feel attracted to her anymore. But James hates to stir the pot.  He stays away from the spotlight, drama or conflict.  Everyone can see that James is not happy.  All of his friends, his family, his co-workers - everyone can see he’s unhappy. His family corners him at the family barbeque and tell him to dump her. His friends during one of their "Guy's nights out" tells him to move on and find someone new.  Each and every time, empowered by his Coors Light and their support, he agrees. He always swears that he will do it tonight. He makes the call and asks her to meet him later. Then he decides to have a celebratory burger and another Coors Light.

Then, something happens.  Maybe that last burger was bad.  Salmonella, e coli or something.  Or maybe his beer was tainted with some kind of poison, but James got sicker than he’s ever been in his life. He was shooting out of both barrels, sweating, shaking, the works. And this all kicked in right when he met up with his girlfriend - the one he was planning on dumping.  She sees he is in pain and takes him to the hospital at midnight, sits patiently in the waiting room while he got his stomach pumped, then sits by his bedside for a couple of days afterwards until he gets his strength up to go back to his normal everyday routine.  James is now delirious from food poisoning and waves of guilt.  He asks his girlfriend to marry him. She says yes. The rest is history.

You want another example of God’s kick in the pants: a friend of mine had a very rough and rocky relationship with her ex. She finally managed to break up with the asshole and kicked him out of the apartment after putting up with him for almost two years. She finally was moving on with her life.  Myself and all of her friends were so happy for her.  She told him to come over this last Saturday morning to pick up the rest of his stuff. He agreed.

Saturday morning came around and she woke up with the urgent reminder that she’d had an ultimate bean and cheese burrito the night before. After a good 20 minutes in the can, she remembered her ex was coming over and now it smelt like something had died in the house. She hurriedly lit every candle in the house and got undressed to take a shower. The doorbell rang. She grabbed her robe and answered it. Her ex, standing at the door, sees all the candles lit and my friend in her skimpy robe. He thinks, right on. She wants me back. He grabs her and kisses her. My friend loses all sense of reason as he sucks her earlobe and they have crazy wild make-up sex. Then what happens... I think you know.  They got back together and he moved back in that afternoon. And she is back to being her miserable self, complaining to all of us about this loser.

So why am I writing this and letting you all know?   Two things:
1.  If you are unhappy and want to make a change, make it without hesitation.  Otherwise, you will be miserable.
2.  Don't eat anything that might give you gas, upset your stomach or give you food poisoning before making a major life changing event!  Bad things will happen!

Enjoy Victoria's Secret's BODY!

Supermodels Candice Swanepoel, Lais Ribeiro, Bregje Heinen, and the new Body by Victoria in lace. ENJOY!

LOVE THEIR COMMERCIALS!

Free Advice Fridays - Foods You Should Not Eat Before Sex

Some people love food in the bedroom or to be naked with food in any room. I have no problem incorporating food into sex.  Adds a certain level of kinkiness to it all!

Here is a List of crazy ass food that SHOULD NOT BE USED IN THE BEDROOM.

Salt - sodium intake will help the body retain fluid, it traps the fluid under the skin making you appear puffy and a little more soft around the middle than normal. Let's face it, having anything soft in the bedroom is very unappealing.

Cucumbers - better for other uses than digesting before we enter the sex filled evening. Full of water this phallic symbol veggie can cause burps, although not that bad and even if it is just air coming out, concentrating on things going in is more pleasurable for everyone involved.

Cabbage - No big shock here, cabbage is known for its gas. Ever smell coleslaw after storing it, open that lid and wow-yikes-ew. We do not want any of those gases coming from cabbage that has been stored inside of you. The cabbage fart could set you back in the romance area for months.

Processed Meats - Full of nitrates, mostly to keep its pretty pink color. (wieners, bologna, sliced meats) Full of chemicals, when added to a stomach and then you shake (pump, gyrate,stroke) you are sure to experience tummy upset.

Beans - do we really need to explain? Beans are a funny thing when it comes to gas, and when you start laughing or trying to be polite holding in the laughter, snorts happen and very unattractive laughing. Things just go south from there.

Gabby Douglas Wins Gold, Twitter Users Bash Her Hair! STUPIDITY

Des Moines Athlete, Gabby Douglas won the Gold Medal in the Individual All-Around yesterday! Congrats Gabby! I have met her and she is a wonderful girl. Fun and full of life. Always smiling and happy. My son and daughter are in Gymnastics classes at Chow's in West Des Moines, which is where Gabby trains. My daughter actually got to do a training session with Gabby last spring!

Despite winning the Gold, there are some Assholes out there who only want to criticize. I found these idiots on Twitter criticizing Gabby's Hair! Seriously people? Apparently there are a few out there who think that her ponytail isn't tight enough. Here is what some Twitter users had to say:

'Gabby Douglas gotta [sic] do something with this hair! These clips and this brown gel residue aint it!'

"I know every black female looked at gabby douglas's hair and asked Why? Just why?"

More:

"So for real though nobody wanted to go to London to do Gaby Douglas' hair?"

"Gabby Douglas is cute and all..but that hair........on camera."

'In Olympic news, why hasn't anyone tried to fix Gabby Douglas' hair?'.

First off, I would love to see the hair on the Twitter users who tweeted this garbage.  Their hair probably looks like a rat ran through it!
Secondly, I think all this shows is the jealousy of people who have done nothing but fail in life and they can't stand the fact that others are succeeding.  They have to try and bring the successful ones down to their pathetic level!  Twitter user SPmusik summed this up:



That pretty much sums up my thoughts! Give me a break people! Don't be STUPID!  And Get a Fuckin' Life!
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