Saturday, August 18, 2012

This Girl Got a Butthole Tattoo

WOW!  It's on youtube, but I would say it is NSFW!

A couple of things about this video:
1.  That must have hurt a hell of a lot!
2.  She must love Anal Sex and is very promiscuous, otherwise I have no idea why she would get one.  Who the hell is going to see it unless your significant other is playing around down there.  Either that or she goes to the nude beach all the time!  Oh, I guess she could be a porn star... That would explain a lot!`
3.  Her parents must be Hella-Proud!

Almost 50 - Cindy Crawford Is Still Hot!!!


Cindy Crawford is amazing. I fell in love with her in the late 80's and early 90's, as did just about every other teen out there.  She was the first woman that made even other teen girls go "Wow, she is Hot!"  Now, Cindy C. is pushing 50 and she still looks incredible.  She is beyond MILF material. I think we would have to make up a whole new acronym for women like her.  Check out these pics from a photoshoot she did for Tattler Magazine (BTW, what the Fuck is Tattler?  Sounds like a porn mag, but it couldn't be.  Cindy is too classy for that...and she isn't naked in them.  DAMN!!!)








The Air Sex Championships

Seriously?  This is real?

Not only is it real, but they have their own website and they tour around the country looking for the best "Air Sexers" (I made that one up!  Pretty good huh?).  It is kind of like an "American Idol" of Air Sex.  The best go to the National Competition.

They are sponsored by the Sex Toy Company Fleshlight.  I hope if you win you get more than one of their toys.  Then again, if you are resorting to and perfecting Air Sex, then you probably wouldn't be able to get more than a toy!

Houston Astros Fan is a Bitch!

Check out this bitch of a Houston Astros 'fan.' She steps in front of a 7-year-old girl who was about to get a foul ball at Minute Maid Park and denies the little girl a moment of glory.  She didn't even think to give the ball to the girl.  Then she goes off High-Fiving her friends.   WHAT A BITCH!!!  If I were the little girl's dad, I would have gone off on her!  (The bitch, not the little girl!)

Do-It Yourself Dentistry is not a Good Idea!

Some Obama Jokes



Thought I would post some Obama jokes that have been circulating around the world.  Enjoy!!


The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
**********************
America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask!
**********************
Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
**********************
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
**********************
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
**********************
If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and It started to sink, who would be saved? …….. America !
**********************

Killer Joe - Movie Trailer

Killer Joe looks like it could be a good one. I somehow missed it when it came out. I had never even heard of it until my friend Brad told me about it last night. He gave it a thumbs up. The movie stars Matthew McConaughey and received an NC-17 rating (for graphic disturbing content involving violence and sexuality, and a scene of brutality.) It is believed to be the first movie in which McConaughey has his shirt on for most of the movie! Check out the Trailer is below.


I know Matt McConughey from College. We actually had a class together and frequented the same Fraternity parties at UT. But that is a future post.


Bacon Wrapped Turkey Legs are Delicious!

I had some yesterday and all I can say is "WOW!"  The combination of Bacon and Turkey is mouth-watering!

And no, I did not have the at the Iowa State Fair. I went to a colleague's house for a barbecue (I go back to work next week at the University) and he had prepared some.  DELICIOUS!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Bouncing Boobs in Slow Motion




You want to see bouncing boobs in slow motion? No Problem!  We are here to please!

Newspapers - Mexican Style!

El Grafico is one of the most popular Mexican newspapers. It publishes hot girls next to the dead bodies of people killed in the most violent drug war ever. The U.S. is seeing a drastic drop in the sales of its newspapers.  Many are going out of business.  Maybe the U.S. needs to follow the Mexican Model!

Get Your Foot Out of My Ass!


Can't Believe The Iowa State Fair Missed "DEEP FRIED BEER"

The Iowa State Fair Prides itself on being the first to offer anything on-a-stick or anything fried.  They have brought us snickers on-a-stick, pork chop on-a-stick, tiramisu on-a-stick, etc.  They have also bought us deep fried snickers bars, deep fried peppers just to name a couple.  But somehow they missed this new product.  I am talking about Deep Fried Beer!  Now you don't have to drink beer, you can eat it too.  Deep fried beer was invented in Texas by a man named Mark Zable.


What could taste better than beer inside of a pretzel-y dough ravioli pouch, and fried in oil for about 20 seconds? ( I can think of alot of things!)  The alcohol doesn’t burn, it just remains inside of the pouch for consumption. This dude is even trying to get a patent for Deep Fried Beer. 

Not only is this stuff unhealthy, but it is intoxicating as well.  It will clog up your arteries and kill off your liver!!!  This guy is a genius! (I am being sarcastic people!)

Scrabble Cheater -- Who Really Cares?

There is no way that you would expect this news! Now way you would have know this was going to happen. It is so traumatic!!! Some guy was kicked out of the National Scrabble Championships in Orlando, Florida this week was removed from the national Scrabble championships in Orlando, Florida yesterday. And it appears everyone is upset over this!

According to the report by the Daily Mail, executive director of the National Scrabble Association John D. Williams Jr said "cheating is known to happen but at smaller, regional events and it has never happened at national level before."

He said: "The Scrabble world is abuzz. The Internet is abuzz."

WOW!!!  The whole internet? Really?  How many of you knew about this?  I didn't find out until a buddy sent me the link and suggested I write about it.

Does anyone really Give a Damn about the National Scrabble Championships?  (Other than the 20 or 30 hard-core scrabble players who waste their days playing the game because they can't get laid!)  

And is there really a need for a "National Scrabble Association"?  What do they do? How do they survive?  What are the yearly dues to join it?  Is there that much controversy that they need an association to enforce the rules.  When my friends and I used to play scrabble, we would settle our difference with a good 'ol arm wrestling match.  If that didn't work, we would beat the crap out of each other with dictionaries! 

Terrible Tattoos - Spocktopus Tattoo

Once again, I bring you a ridiculous tattoo.  This one is a Spocktopus Tattoo.  Half Spock - Half Octopus.  Seriously People!  Are we running out of ideas for Tattoos? 

What is That? A Penis?


It’s a snake that looks alot like a penis! It is found in Brazil. They’re actually called Atretochoana eiselti, but that is a hard as name to pronounce so I am going to call it "The Brazilian Penis Snake!  Here's another look at these Dicks, er... Snakes.

Great Street Artist

I would probably throw him a $5 bill if I saw him on a Des Moines Street Corner!  Too Bad he is way over in Lisbon, Portugal.

Rebecca Black - Friday

Remember This Annoying song.  Well, I am posting it In Honor of Friday, and also because my daughter loves this song, here is the Video.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Which one is Hotter?



On the left is the original. That is Lycia Naff as the three-tittied hooker from the original Total Recall, and on the right is Kaitlyn Leeb as the new three-tittied hooker from the PG-13 rated Total Recall remake. So which one do you like better?  If it was based on looks alone, I would go for the newer one.  Kaitlyn is a hottie.  But if we are basing it on what is seen in the movie, I have to go with the Older version.  Why?  Three big reasons:  NIPPLES!  The original was Rated R and showed us not only three boobs, but also three nipples.  For some reason, that was cool.  Seeing three boobs covered up with a strap is just not the same as seeing a three-boobed woman naked, showing all three perky nipples in all-their glory.

Congrats Lycia -  You are the winner!

--Enrique Santos

The Davalos Twins - In Our Favorite Bikinis



In my opinion, Colombian-born models Mariana and Camila Davalos are the Hottest Set of Twins...EVER!!!  Wouldn't you agree?


I give you an added treat.  They have a  3 minute video modeling Bikinis.  Don't miss this one!!!









Check out All of Our Other Favorite Bikinis

Dad, Over Here!


Tim Tebow is "Sexy Jesus"


NY Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow photoshop posed as a sexy crucified Jesus in September's issue of GQ. And there is a part of me that thinks Tim Tebow believes this!

The Problem with America

I feel that you should not let your own moral compass go unchecked for long amounts of time.  The World is changing at a very rapid rate.  You, as a person, cannot become stagnant.  Comfort is the enemy of creativity.  Saul Bellow once wrote “Trouble, like physical pain, makes us actively aware that we are living.”

The problem is that we have gone to great efforts to eliminate trouble and physical pain in the United States.  We are making life “Too easy.”   Let’s face it, the things that have caused trauma and pain to many of us ( Too much homework in school, McDonald’s does away with the McRib sandwich, Listening to A-HA sing ‘Take on Me” 30 times a day on radio, etc. were  considered traumas when I was in High School) are not even a bother in most parts of the world.  In many countries, kids would be happy to have a radio or even get a chance to have homework. 

Looking back, I have had little to complain about.  My complaints are really trivial and I am actually ashamed for having complained of Night baseball at Wrigley field and having to take the SAT’s. 

I think that we Americans have become SOFT.  Soft like vanilla pudding.  We are too fragile to breath in someone else’s cigarette smoke, ride a bike without a helmet or go camping without a generator.  We are turning into a nation of fearful people, obsessed with our supposedly tragic childhoods, lousy relatives, career disappointments, social problems, political wrongdoings, and lists of personal grievances that are so long it would take an hour to list them.  I hate to break it to you, but all of the things I just mentioned are part of the HUMAN CONDITION!!!  That is what being a Human is all about 

Our “hardness” has disappeared thanks to awards being handed out just for showing up to work or school everyday for three months straight (Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?).  Schools no longer make our kids memorize multiplication tables (they can use their notes); doctors are now passing out psychotic meds like M&M’s (notice all the adds for depression meds?); and therapists are now in short supply as the majority of people have weekly appointments with some kind of therapist (when I was young, hardly anyone went to a therapist and if you did, you certainly didn’t tell everyone about it). 

Yes, America has become Soft!!!!!  One reason is that the Corporations are interested in keeping all of us Americans trapped in a childlike state.  They want us to be little kids that will do whatever they say.  Pharmaceutical companies want us to believe that every little thing that happens has a pill to make it better.  Going through a Bad Break-up – They docs will prescribe you a pick-me-up pill.  You have a headache a couple times a month – It can’t be your noisy neighbors, you probably have a Migraine developing, better take some medicine. 

How do I know we are being force to stay in a childhood state?  For you older folks (older than 30) think back to a time when comic books and superheroes were for teens and little kids.  Now-a-days, more 40 year olds are buying comic books and the Spiderman movies are a hit with the 35-50 year old crowd.  We haven’t evolved.  We are stuck in our childhood.  Heck, our national leaders have even used “Childish” terminology when using the term “bad-guys” to describe terrorists and other criminal elements.  That really sounds “presidential.” 

I remember about 12 years ago when I was in Mexico on the Pacific Coast.  I hired a Catamaran type boat to take me out to some islands a mile or so off the coast.  There was the “Captain” and his son, who was about 9 years old.  The kid did was constantly busy lifting and dropping the anchor, helping steer the boat, tying knots, setting up and taking in fishing nets, etc.  This kid is probably will probably be in charge of a fleet of boats one day.  The kid’s work ethic was incredible.  I saw him several times over the course of a week and he was constantly working.   I don’t know when the kid had time to eat or sleep.   This kid is going to go places.

Now think if that scene would have happened in the United States… Department of social services would have taken the kid away from his parents and had the parents arrested for child abuse.  The kid would never had gotten the opportunity or been taught the skills and work ethic needed to be successful in life and business.  That is what is the problem with America Today.  We have become so SOFT that our future generations are doomed.   We are becoming a lazy nation that is accepting of mediocrity.

I yearn for the good old days when my parents had me mowing lawns for 8 hours a day several days a week in 90 degree heat, earning a few dollars and nothing more.  A couple of summers ago, I had hurt my leg or back (I can’t remember) and my wife was not feeling good either.  I tried to get some kids to mow my yard for a couple of weeks.  When they found all I had was a push mower, most of them refused.  The ones that didn’t wanted an additional $10 an hour to do it.  What a Joke!! 

Let's toughen up America!!

This Day inSMM History - I am Pele - NOT!!!

I sometimes share tidbits of info on this site.  Info that is meaningful and historic.  I regulary run "This Day in History" posts in which I type a short paragraph of something interesting or funny that happened on that day in the past. 

Since many people want to learn more about "ME" and want to know what it is that makes THE SMM (Semi-Madman) tick, I have decided to periodically post important events that have happened in MY HISTORY.  Thus continues THIS DAY IN SMM HISTORY.  ENJOY!!!

August 16, 1991 -- While Practicing Soccer in Austin, Texas (Hook 'em Horns) I am briefly compared to the Great Pele as I score on a breakaway, using my amazing footskills to get around 3 players.  Sadly, this is the only time I am ever compared to Pele and my "amazing" footskills regress to ordinary within 20 minutes.  My dreams of playing forward are shattered and I go back to playing Goalie, a position where "ordinary footskills" are sufficient.

What Happens When The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Masturbates?


Fun Tricks You Can Pull On Your Friends

Did you know you can make Coca Cola Freeze in its plastic bottle without using ice or a freezer?  Try this next time you are with your friends and make sure you bet them.  I did it last night and made $3!




--Enrique Santos

Our Favorite Songs - JLo "If You Had My Love"

Love this video and Jennifer Lopez was so Hot back then.  She still looks good, but I think she was the hottest at the start of her career.  This was kind of the song that started it all for her!  Sit back and enjoy JLo and "If You Had My Love"


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Sara Jean Underwood Has a Sex Swing

Former Playmate, Actress and Ryan Seacrest Love-interest tweeted a picture of herself in her very own sex swing.   She has one in her bedroom.


Now who is the lucky guy???  Sara, I am available if you need to test it out..

If you like sex swings, don't forget to check out this video of Kim Kardashian and her fat ass breaking a sex swing!
--Enrique Santos

Sex for Seven Dollars

My Friend Richard sent me this joke via email:


A  sweet old couple, both well into their 70′s, go to a sex therapist’s office.
The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’
The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual  intercourse?’
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.  When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..’
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good-bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says,  ‘I’m sorry, but I  have to ask.  Just what are you trying to find out?’
The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything.   She’s married; so we can’t go to her house.  I’m  married; and we can’t go to my house.   The Holiday Inn  charges $98.  The Hilton charges $139.  We do  it here for $50, and  Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net  cost of $7. 
Don’t  you just love those Government Entitlement programs!

What Girls Really Do While Getting Ready

Countdown to the Weekend




Check out this site for an up-to-the-minute coutdown until the weekend begins!

Bob Jones Dies, Paper Captions The Death "LOL"

As far as Newspaper Fails go, this one is pretty bad.  The Western Mail, A Welsh Tabloid/newspaper (That means the paper is from Wales for all of you non-Anglophiles out there) printed this picture of now deceased pilot Bob Jones.  For some reason, they captioned it with an "LOL".

A spokesman for Western Mail publishers Trinity Mirror said: “The caption error in today’s Western Mail is under internal investigation. We apologise for any offence this error may have caused.”

I am sure Bob's family is not "LOL-ing" over this one!  

Penn St. Fans Compare Their Football Sanctions to 9/11 Terrorist Attacks

Tom Price - Asshole!
Seriously? You have got to be kidding me!!!

Tom and Sally Price appeared on Scranton/Wilkes Barre's WNEP (Video below). If you tried, at any college in the United States, could you possibly find someone who would, on-air, compare sanctions to 9-11? At Penn State...it seems too easy.

“I just can’t put my arms around it, it’s, to me, it was our 9/11 today. I just saw planes crashing into towers,” said Tom Price.

I can't believe the Price's even had the nerve to make that kind of comparison.  I am sick of Penn St. fans saying how they got screwed over!!!  You should have gotten the Death Penalty and I hope you don't win a game this year!  Oh yeah, Tom and Sally Price - YOU BOTH CAN GO DIRECTLY TO HELL!!!

Israeli Defense Forces Wear Bikinis While on Duty


This is legit!  A friend (Saul) sent me this and he claims to have seen women in bikinis with machine guns on Israeli beaches.  He was there in July.  

I did a little research and found this via the Daily Mail
Tel Aviv -- Daily Mail says there is a good reason for this gun toting bikini-clad female Israeli soldier: "Under Israeli military regulations, if members take their weapon out from their military base they must keep them near at all times."
Saul told me that he only saw it three times while he was there and no one reacted to it.  It was natural for people to see this.

I wonder if any guys ever try to hit on the female soldiers at the beach?  Something about trying to pick up a woman carrying a Machine Gun that might deter some!

Joe Paterno Kicked Out of Heaven

Political cartoonist and writer Rob Tornoe drew a cartoon in January in which Bear Bryant welcomed JoePa into heaven. Now, he updated it with Bear Bryant Kicking JoePa out of heaven.  Good one Rob!!!

Carrie Underwood in a Bikini Drinking Coors Light

Can the title of a post be any more descriptive and straight to the point as that?  I am a big Carrie Underwood fan, both for her music and her Hotness.  I have seen her in concert a couple of times and she puts on a great show.  She was out at the lake a while back, lounging around in her bikini and drinking Coors Light.  Nothing wrong with that!  I love a girl in Bikini and a girl that drinks beer!  She may be getting the start of a little beer gut, but I think she is still looking great!




Teacher Pay Around the World


Not the clearest graphic, but it illustrates an interesting point.  American Teachers work the most hours yet they are near the bottom amongst teacher pay around the world. 

Football is Tough, But Rugby is Tougher

No Pads, no helmets and full contact.  I don't think many would argue with me when I say that Rugby players have to be the toughest, craziest SOB's in the world!  Look at this hit!
It was delivered by Manu Tuilagi - ASamoan professional rugby player who plays for the Leicester Tigers. Tom Williams is the recipient of the hit.  He is an English rugby player who plays for Harlequins. OUCH!

She's a Chameleon!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Girl With Ample Bosom Walking on the Roof Beams

Weird title to this post, but definitely worth a look!  Looks a little dangerous if you ask me

Movie Reviews by the Madman -- Enemy of the State


After returning from a long day at the Iowa State Fair, I decided to veg on the couch and watch a movie. Enemy of the State was on HBO so we settled in to watch this spy, action, thriller. I had seen it years ago.

The movie came out in 1998. It has a great cast - Will Smith, Gene Hackman and Jon Voight are the main characters. It also has several actors who were not that big at the time, but now are considered a-list actors -- Jack Black, Jason Lee and Seth Green.

The movie is pretty good once it gets going. The first 10 minutes or so are a little slow, but once Voight and his crew begin the chase, the movie takes off. It moves a mile a minute, with some great chase scenes.
The casting of this movie pushes it up from being just another action movie. The movie is well-cast and the actors do a great job. Hackman plays Brill to a T. He was the perfect actor to play him and his performance reminded me of his earlier performance in Francis Ford Coppola's "The Conversation" in which he played almost the same type of character.

The main storyline of the film is the complete invasion of our privacy by the government jerks who are supposed to be protecting us. They get their point across and the message of the movie still holds true eleven years later. It really makes you think about "Who is watching you?"
8.5 out of 10 stars!!! Rent it or catch it on HBO.

I am Disappointed in ESPN!

Today is National Left Hander's Day.  ESPN decided to put a poll on Facebook as to who is the best Left Hander of all-time.  They Put Tim Tebow as one of the Choices!!!

Seriously ESPN?  You have lost some major respect from myself and about a million other fans.  TIM TEBOW?  Comparing Tebow to Babe Ruth, Steve Young, Sandy Koufax and others?  Hell, Tebow doesn't even start and has terrible #'s.  I would say that Steve Young, today at almost 50 years old is a better QB than Tebow is right now!

You Have to Pay if You Win an Olympic Medal!

US Olympians who win medals will be taxed by the IRS on the value of the medal and the prize money they earn. Winning the Bronze is the best deal. 2 bucks for the medal and approximately $3,500 on the $10k in prize money. Gold and silver ramp up the burden:

Silver: $135 medal tax, $5250 on the $15k in prize money.

Gold: $236 medal tax, $8750 on the $25k in prize money.

Hugh Johnson adds, "Because the U.S. is virtually the only developed nation that taxes “worldwide” income earned overseas by its taxpayers, our Olympic athletes face a competitive disadvantage that has nothing to do with sports."

I think this is stupid!!!  They are representing our country and they are actually having to pay if they win.  Let them have the medal and the money tax-free.  Come on America!!!


Beach Volleyball Butt Signals - You WIll Be Quizzed


I know the Olympics are over and the thing I will miss most from the last two weeks will be beach volleyball. My God, those ladies are Hot!!!

One thing that has been bothering me though was all those signals they were flashing behind their butts. I had no clue what they meant. A buddy who plays competitive beach volleyball sent me an email explaining it all. He also sent me the link that I have on here.

I know it is a little late for this Olympics, but you will be ready for 2016 in Rio (Where the Butt is King). It will also help you save some face with your wives and girlfriends. When they tell you to stop staring at the players' butts, you can just say that you are trying to see the signal!
  • Closed fist: No block should be attempted for the opponent on that side of the court.
  • One finger: The blocker plans to block the opponent’s line attack.
  • Two fingers: The blocker plans to block an opponent’s “angle” attack.
  • Open hand: The blocker plans to match up with the hitter, deciding where to block based on the opposing team’s set and the hitter’s approach and arm swing.
Now here is the quiz. See if you can figure out what each lovely lady is trying to tell her teammate:







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