Now I have ran half-marathons in the past. There was a time I loved to run. Believe it or not, I used to run up to 10 miles a week and Bike another 30-40 miles a week. I actually used to be in pretty good shape! I had 4-pack abs (Not quite a 6 pack). I weighed about 160 lbs., which was perfect for me. I had little body fat to speak of. It was awesome! What happened? The married life with kids has done me in, although I wouldn't change that for the world! I just don't have the time or energy to do what I did 10 years ago. I used to spend almost 3 hours a day running, biking, playing sports, etc. Now, I just don't have 3 hours a day to spare.
To make myself feel better for not running as much as I should, I have come up with a list of "Why Running is Terrible!"
1. Jogging really is a detriment to your health when you think about it. Running around the neighborhood sucking up car exhaust while breathing heavily can cause health problems such as a stroke or cancer. Think about it.
2. Runners do not look good when it is all over. Watch a marathon or an olympic race. Now look at the athletes' faces when it is done. They look like someone who has food-poisoning and is about ready to barf up the Cow's testicles that they have just eaten. Then, they collapse on the ground in a writhing painful lump in the middle of the road or on the track. They look like a dog that has been hit by a car.
3. Jogging can be boring. If you do not have an I-Pod and you do not have a creative mind, running is monotonous and can lull you into a trance. That is how jogging accidents happen. People running into a parked car or running into a street sign -- Those things happen because people are in a trance-like state when running. Let's prevent unnecessary injuries and just stop running!!!
5. Are marathons really a sport? I mean they have something like 15,000 people running in them. Can you bet on a race with 15,000 people participating in it? How can you handicap it? If you can't bet on it, then it isn't a sport! With 12,000 participants, you cannot bet on a marathon and therefore, it’s not a sport.
6. The fashion. Elastic waistbands are bad, but stretch Lycra pants are verboten outside the confines of a strip club with a happy hour. [Editor’s note: beware strip clubs that have a happy hour as there should be no extra need to drum up business]
7. Jogging is to sprinting what T-Ball is to baseball—perhaps not the strongest example as you break more of a sweat deciding what to tip an attractive waitress than you do playing baseball, but nonetheless—like T-ball, jogging is lazy and egalitarian. Unlike sprinting, which involves competition and athleticism, the winner of a marathon is decided by whoever doesn’t immediately require an IV drip.
8. Spandex and fanny packs. While it’s true, this ensemble could be found any given morning before a shopping mall opens, it’s endemic in jogging. Worse still is when it’s done with those ski pole things, which we believe is called “Nordic Running”, whose complex origins date back to when mainland Europeans fled raping and pillaging Vikings.
9. It’s antisocial. Marathoning is the only “sport” (since we’re employing such a lax definition of sport here, feel free to include skipping stones on a lake or wolfing down a 72-ounce steak for a prize) that is completely solitary, yet requires absolutely no skill whatsoever—this differentiates it from golf or swimming — unskilled swimming is called “drowning”.
10. If you’re going to play a game of, say, football or rugby, you can’t just swap it for a cab ride—unlike a marathon.
11. Unlike some sports in which people die while competing — auto racing and boxing, for example — a marathon is the only one that fells competitors both during and after it takes place. If you see a Formula 1 racer drop dead after he’s uncorked the bubbly, it’s because he’s been shot.
12. A marathon is the only sport where the participants outnumber the spectators. If a mass of thousands of people is running in any particular direction, there better be a tsunami.
13. Jogging is always done at creepy hours. There is no conceivable reason to forgo an hour’s sleep to get up at the crack of dawn and roam the streets unless you’re a particularly gung-ho pervert, postal worker or hobo. Jogging in the evening when the rest of society is busy camped out in front of their televisions or boozing it up is also antisocial [see 8] .
14. It upsets dogs. The quiet of more than one suburban street has been disturbed by a passing jogger hoofing by and this being noticed by every second house’s dog. The baying hounds then ruin the good sleep that sane people enjoy late Saturday mornings.
15. The so-called “Runner’s High”. Getting high normally is all about convenience, the kind that doesn’t involve testing municipal pet bylaws with an errant step. Humans have spent thousands of years perfecting the fine art of distilling spirits, brewing beer and carefully processing and cultivating things that provide a high without having to break in a pair of arch supports or venture outdoors.
The only advantage of running -- Seeing women running in Lycra and short shorts!
Sorry, The disadvantages far outnumber the advantage.