Saturday, October 20, 2012

HOLY COW!!! I AM IN LOVE!!!

If anyone knows this incredible beauty, please let me know.  HUBBA-HUBBA!!!!!!!

This is a Nice Workout!


Selita Ebanks



You probably know Selita Ebanks as a Victoria's Secret angel and Celebrity Apprentice star.  She was born in the paradise known as the Caymen Islands.  She is a Hottie!

I found this video that she did for Maxim Magazine.  She was the June 2010 Cover Girl.  ENJOY!!!

I Was Sexually Harrassed Today by a 16 Year Old

I got sexually harrassed by a drunk 16 year old last night.  Last night at about 9 PM in downtown Austin, there was a group of teenage girls dressed in heels and mini skirts, looking like little sluts. They looked like and acted like they were totally wasted.  They were singing and dancing and trying to look older than their teen years showed.  As my friend as I were walking down the street towards them, I swore that it looked like one was in a nook of a building by the alley peeing.  Then all Hell broke lose.  One girl came up to me and was trying to get me to hug her.  Another girl went over to my friend and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek, all the while laughing and giggling.  To be honest, the girls did look hot and they will be some major hotties - Once They Get Older!  The girl that tried to hug me was a blonde with long legs and an athletic build.  She looked 16 and you could tell she was one of the bold ones of the group, and the drunkest. I didn't hug her cuz I just had a feeling some of the others in the group would be snapping fotos or something.  I could just see someone seeing a post of me hugging a drunk 16 year old!  She got a little mad since I would't hug her.  A couple of them then asked for us to buy them a 12 pack of beer.  They were being real flirty and touchy with us.  Putting their hands on our shoulders, grabbing our hands, etc.  We declined and the cute blonde got mad.  She actually got in my face and started yelling.  They started calling us "Fags" and saying how we are missing out on a chance to have a Wild and Crazy night.  We just started walking off.  We got about half a block down and we could hear them start pulling the same shit with another group of guys walking.  What scam artists!  I wonder how mammy sick, perverted guys have fallen for their jailbait tactics!

--Enrique Santos

Obamaphone - Cleveland Like Obama.

This is a Protester outside of a Mitt Romney rally in Cleveland, Ohio. She explains how Obama gives all minorities free phones, social security, food stamps. The Obamaphone is the key!

Jumping into a Semi-Frozen Pool Is Not Always a Good Idea

I have no idea what this guy is saying.  Probably something like "I am a stud!  I am so cool, look at me.  No one has the balls to do this, that is why I am the best!"

Then he jumps...and you can probably figure out the rest.

How Deceiving!

This would suck!  Get a self-pic from a hottie with nice cleavage to find out it was just her knees!  I guess if you have a fetish for knees, this would be pretty cool...

Surprise Motherfucka!

An Ode to Morning Sex


Happy Autumn



Fall is in the Air!  The leaves are falling, it is starting to get cooler, hot chocolate is being made and the fireplace is getting ready to be lit up for the first time since last March.  HAPPY AUTUMN EVERYONE!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga Has a Tan

I love pics like this!  A nice tan body, a self-pic while lying on the beach, nice voluptuous boobies, awesome oiled body, and the belly button piercing.  This is the body of Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga.  She posted this self pic on her twitter account recently.

For those who do not know her too well, here are some pics of her, face included!  Enjoy your weekend!!!





Hula Hoops, Bikinis and Lights

Another Hottie, another Bikini and another Hula Hoop video.  This time with a lighted hula hoop.  Enjoy!



Check Out all of our Hottie Hula Hoop Videos Here!

Courtney Prather and a Heavy Bag

Sexy Fitness Model, Trainer, and all-around Hottie Courtney Prather works out a heavy bag.

Out-Dated Orange Juice?

I bought some orange juice yesterday at Hy-Vee.  I always check the date on milk, but rarely check it on OJ.  I got home and poured a glass, then I noticed the date!  Oct. 23, 1538?  WOW!  Maybe OJ tastes better aged...


Open Letter To The Person Pooping in the Stall Next To Me at Jordan Creek Mall



Dear person pooping in the public bathroom stall next to me at Jordan Creek Mall (in the restrooms off of the food court),

I know you really were trying to keep it quiet and were a little embarrassed at your bowels situation.  Please don’t feel ashamed. I understand.  I have been there many times before. You’re a dude and I’m a dude, and as fellow dudes, you and I both understand that taking a poop in a public bathroom is mildly traumatizing. The ever-present threat of somebody hearing the plop of the poop hitting the water. Or, heaven forbid, hearing the squirt when you have diarrhea.  The constant paranoia of facing the other person in the bathroom when you leave the stall.

I want to say that I don't really care.  You go for it. Poop your heart out (not literally...you know what I mean). Poop like the world is ending tomorrow. Poop like nobody’s watching. because no one is watching. I don’t care if it’s the biggest poop in the history of poops, or the runniest diarrhea ever,  I promise I won’t think badly of you.

I remember not too-long ago when I was potty-training my kids.  I found this cool book called “Everyone Poops” and bought it. That's the book to the left. The premise was just that: everybody, everybody poops. I wanted to get that message through to my kids.  I remember when I was growing up, pooping in public was a taboo subject.  Although I knew everyone poops, I just couldn't grasp that fact that EVERYONE AND EVERY ANIMAL POOPS! And they poop in public.   It was a weird concept to me.  Think about that!  Everyone Poops, yet people are still embarrassed to poop in the vicinity of others.  I didn't want my kids to face that same trauma that I faced growing up.

For years, I was embarrassed to poop in public.  But what are the options?
The options are few and far between, and could cause major discomfort and perhaps bodily harm.  First, and perhaps most obviously, is to hold it. Though not always a viable option considering the length of time one will be out of the house.  There comes a time when you just have to let it go or risk some type of injury, yet this tends to be the most common route taken.  People will hold it in with all their might. That is why some people have exceptional sphincter muscle strength.

The second option is to say to Hell With It and take a poop. Believe it or not, there are people who live to poop in public.  I have heard of secret pooping societies in which people  intentionally go out and poop in public places just to get a thrill.  It is like a drug for them, pooping in public!  I guess the feeling you get when a stranger walks in on you is equivalent to bungee jumping or sky diving for the rest of us.  Extreme Pooping, a new extreme sport?

The other option is one that I’ve only seen little kids and old people use: shameless pooping. In this form, the person poops in the public restroom regardless of how many people are present. And they do it without fear of the consequences. They don't care who is around. This is the pooping method that all of us humans should strive for. It truly shows self-actualization and confidence, which is probably why it is usually reserved for the innocence of little ones or the old and wise.

Let's face it, poop is weird. Poop is strange and still holds a taboo place in society.  We all do it, and we all know we do it. We all share in this bodily function, and yet we allow it to isolate us. To Embarrass us.  To Shame Us.  As humans, we must come together and rise up against this shame.

So I say "Go For It!"  Poop to your heart's content!  And Enjoy!

Wiushing you Happy Bowel Movements,
The dude in the public bathroom stall next to you while you were pooping at Jordan Creek Mall,

This is the Future Generation...

...that will be running the country when I am old and retired! WE ARE SCREWED!!!!!





Constipation

Is it sad that some of my sayings come from ecards?  I told this one to a friend last night and he immediately said "Dude, that is from one of those ecards!"  I told him "NO".  I got home and decided to google it and sure enough, here it is.  I honestly did not see it on an ecard first.  I think I had heard it years ago on a movie.

All the good sayings are being ecarded and it makes us funny, witty guys look stupid!!!!

Driving and Shaving Your Pubes Don't Mix

NO SHIT!!!!!!

Open Letter to Mike Myers (Of Halloween Fame, not my Buddy Mike Myers from Texas - Sorry Mike!)

Dear Mr. Mike Myers,

Here we go!   It's that time of year again.  Halloween is only a couple weeks away. How are you doing?  Tired of killing people in Haddonfield, IL?  You have probably killed dozens!  How old are you now Mike?  Upper 50's?  60's?  When are you going to retire from killing and scaring people?  With Obama in Office, now would be the time.  He will take care of you in your old age.

But you have other things to worry about.  You are a Bad-Ass dude!  You are probably thinking you are gonna be bored when you retire.  I can here you saying to yourself,  “What the fuck does an ex-psycho, ax murdering killer do when he retires?”

Dude, I am here to help! There are plenty of things you could do to kill time (No Pun Intended) during your retirement. What about giving seminars?  Hit the lecture circuit and give some advice to aspiring psycho's out there.  Call up your buddies Jason and Freddy and make a series of Self-Help videos.  You could make a Killing (Once again, no pun intended.)  But as I think about it more, public speaking isn't up your ally, right? You hardly ever talk in your movies and you tend to lurk in the shadows.  You don't like the spotlight, so scratch that.

I am just brainstorming here, but what about taking up a hobby such as ballroom dancing.  It is all the rage now.  If Nancy Grace could do "Dancing with the Stars" I am sure you could do it.  Or what about all those pawn shop reality shows.  Why don't you open your own pawn shop and specialize in grotesque objects.  You could probably start with your ax and knife collection.

And lastly, write a book!  I bet hundreds would buy it.  If Monica Lewinsky can earn $12 million for writing a book about giving Bill Clinton a Blow Job, you should be able to earn $50 million talking about how you hacked up everyone in Haddonfield, Illinois.

Have a great Halloween!  Do you like seeing everyone dressing up as you?  Must make you feel like quite the stud!  And have an extra great Halloween if this is going to be your last one hacking and chopping up people.  If you do retire after this one, make the last one a great one!  I will be expecting your 17th? and final Halloween movie soon.

Happy Halloween and Muerdering,

A Fellow Madman

I am in need of a couple of These This Morning!

Hung Over and feeling like Hell! It was a rough night on 6th Street.  Nothing like a couple of Bloody Marys to pick me up!


--Enrique Santos

Free Advice Fridays - How to Vomit and Not Regret It!

For Those who tend to party a little too much...or have the flu!



And it kind of goes along with my earlier Free Advice from this morning.

The Happiest States



Here is a list of the 50 U.S. states (and the District of Columbia) in order of their well-being/happiness according to livescience.com  :

1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. Mississippi
7. Montana
8. South Carolina
9. Alabama
10. Maine
11. Alaska
12. North Carolina
13. Wyoming
14. Idaho
15. South Dakota
16. Texas
17. Arkansas
18. Vermont
19. Georgia
20. Oklahoma
21. Colorado
22. Delaware
23. Utah
24. New Mexico
25. North Dakota
26. Minnesota
27. New Hampshire
28. Virginia
29. Wisconsin
30. Oregon
31. Iowa
32. Kansas
33. Nebraska
34. West Virginia
35. Kentucky
36. Washington
37. District of Columbia
38. Missouri
39. Nevada
40. Maryland
41. Pennsylvania
42. Rhode Island
43. Massachusetts
44. Ohio
45. Illinois
46. California
47. Indiana
48. Michigan
49. New Jersey
50. Connecticut
51. New York 


Some interesting Observations:



1.  Louisiana is the happiest state, even though they have endured a major hurricane, high crime rates and corrupt politicians over the last few years.  I guess Bourbon St. and Mardi Gras provides enough fun and alcohol to make Louisianan's forget about all of their troubles.
2.  New York is the least happy state.  Imagine that.  I doubt anyone is surprised there.  I have been to NYC a couple of times and it does seem that the people there tend not to smile as much as in other places and there is a lot of anger there, probably due to traffic, high rents, few parking spaces and the New York Jets.
3.  Iowa, where I am living at now, is #31.  I would think it would be a little higher on the list due to the laid-back easy living here.  There must be alot of teachers in Iowa since us teachers tend to be on the unhappy/pessimistic side.  The winters don't help either.
4.  Hawaii is #2.  I am surprised it isn't #1.  I mean it is close to paradise.  I guess the high prices there are the only drawback.
5.  Arizona and Florida are in the top 5.  Must be all of the old people who are happy to be retired.  
6.  Alaska is #11.  Near darkness for almost 3 straight months, freezing temperatures for 9 months, blizzards, and high prices for just about everything and they are fairly happy.  Must be because Sarah Palin is no longer their governor.  
7.  Washington D.C. is #37.  WOW!!!  I thought they would be near the bottom of the list, like the bottom 5.  Outside of the tourist areas, D.C. is a dump (Except for Georgetown, which really is a tourist area too.)  High Crime, homelessness, burnt out buildings, crumbling apartment complexes--DC would be a horrible place to live.  I remember going about 8 blocks from the U.S. Capitol building and I found myself in the middle of a slum.  I am not kidding when I say I actually found a used needle lying in the gutter along the curb.  I was scared and turned around quickly, noting to myself to never just take off and wander around D.C. to check out the neighborhoods.  


How did you state rank?  Any comments would be appreciated.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Our Favorite Songs - Girls Kiss Girls by Pittsburgh Slim

Maybe not one of our favorite songs, but definitely one of our favorite videos!!!

Jade Fairbrother - Bikini Weather Report

South African Model and Playmate Jade Fairbrother is doing a bit of weather forecasting...Wearing a Bikini!!!  Now this is the kind of weather forecasting I am talking about!

Dallas Ice Girls Go Boating




The Dallas Stars Ice Girls hung out in bikinis on a pontoon boat in Texas for 'Lake Day 2012.'


The Video is below...

Caption This Pic

Let me get this started:

"50 Shades of Disney"




Add your captions in the comments section

Skateboarding In Colorado is Dangerous

This was The 2012 Buffalo Bill Downhill Race that took place in Lookout Mountain, CO. The racers were going about 40 MPH when a Deer decided to get in on the race.  One of the boarders was wearing a helmet cam.  Not sure who got the worst of it, the deer or the skateboarder!

What is Worse Than a Picture of Snooki?

A Picture of Snooki with no Makeup!  She actually tweeted this pic.  WHY?  Doesn't she realize by now that 95% of the world is repulsed by her.  She just lost another 4.5%!!!!

Amsterdam Drunk Ladies Fall Out of a Boat



HILARIOUS...The one chick even fell in again...I love it!

Happy Birthday - Freida Pinto





Happy 28th Birthday to the beautiful Freida Pinto!  She has always been one of my favorites.  She is a beauty, a great actress and I think she would be fun to hang out with.  Freida, let me know the next time you are in Iowa and we can do some Iowa things...



Carmen Electra is Getting Old




Former Hottie Carmen Electra is still looking pretty good...for her age.  But she is getting up there and finally, the beauty is starting to show her age.  The 40 year-old might need to start looking at her choice in provocative dress.  Carmen, leave that for the 20-something hotties.  This just looks a little weird.  If you were about 8 or 9 years younger, then most guys would be salivating right now.  But at 40, this look just doesn't work.  Sorry.


WTF? A Pregnant Baby?

OK, I think they have officially ran out of ideas for new baby toys.  A PREGNANT BABY?  Really?  The Baby has a baby and that baby is pregnant.  So this kid is going to be a grandma before the age of 2?  What the hell are we teaching our kids?  Babies having babies are normal?  This is why American Society is going straight to Hell!!!!!

And one last thing...What the Hell is  "REAL PREGNANCY ACTION"?

Octomom Allows Her Kids to Fool Around?


This is just gross, even for Nadya "Octomom" Suleman. Remember, she has a nasty masturbation porn video, has ridden a sybian machine on Howard Stern, tried a stripping career, and that is just the stuff we know of.

She may have outdone herself in the Gross department. I hope this isn't true, but knowing her antics it very well could be the real deal.

According to TMZ, a couple of her nannies are throwing out allegations of child sexual abuse. Now this is where it gets real gross - The allegations are not that she abused her children, but that she allowed one of her boys to take one of her girls to the side where the nannies said he would touch her inappropriately. The nannies say that Octomom never tried to stop it and acted like it was no big deal when they confronted her about it. the nannies then go on to talk about other neglect and abuse that they witnessed.

Nadya says that the nannies are lying. I hope to God that they are. If they aren't, this is sick shit! If this is true, all of her kids need to be taken away from her. She is not fit to be a mother. Maybe all this porn perversion is getting to her.

This is an Interesting Coffee Maker!


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I Have No Problem With Same Sex Marriage...

..I just wish the hot lesbians would all be Bi or at least make a video!  
You Ya-ting, left, and her partner Huang Mei-yu stamp their names in front of a statue of Buddha in the prayer hall as they are married in the first Taiwan same sex Buddhist ceremonial wedding in Taoyuan, Taiwan


Brazilian Model Nathalia Soliani (or is it Sosiani?) - HOT!

Brazilian hottie model Nathalia Soliani (Did FHM mispell it?  I searched Sosiani but nothing came up.) is looking great on the cover and inside the Hispanic edition of FHM this month. Once Again, I Miss Brazil!!  I need to go back there...SOON!!!


Our Favorite Bikinis - Malibu Strings Safari Beach Print


What a versatile Bikini!!!  You can wear it three ways: The sexy V cut, The tube top and the normal bikini style.  Personally, I prefer the V cut, although I would take that girl wearing any of the three styles.  And you can mix and match as well!  Go to Malibustrings.com and check this bikini out!

Do You Have a Dirty Mind...

I DO!!!

--Enrique Santos

Halloween Display Fail


Electronic Glove Makes It Easier to Detect Breast Cancer


A new product dubbed the Glove Tricorder by Med Sensation will make it easier for doctors – and patients – to diagnose breast cancer.  It can also be used to find other medical problems such as enlarged kidneys. The gloves contain a number of sensors including pressure feedback loops and accelerometers. The company plans to add ultrasound pads to the tips of the glove, allowing doctors to see inside the breast as they manipulate the tissue.

I volunteer to test it out.  I will even give free "Glove" Mammograms  :)

--Enrique Santos

Not Just Condoms

Couldn't they just say "Sex Toy Store" or something!  Love the sleazy shop/cinema/porn theater next door to it.  I can see there would be a demand for condoms in that neighborhood.  Not Just Condoms is in Denmark.  Might have to make a road trip soon!!!

¿Hey Baby, Qué Paso? - Our Favorite Songs

A Texas classic from 1990 - The Texas Tornados Singing ¿Hey Baby, Qué Paso?.


Great CSI Miami Commercial from Way Back in the Day

This is the way they should advertise all the CSI shows!

The Greatest Fake Punt of All-Time

Remember This?

Stuff That Swimming Pool!


Looks like we have the village idiots out and about buying a cheapie Wal Mart swimming pool.   I would hate to see how this family packs to go n vacation!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Carol Seleme's Butt Beach Workout

I recently introduced the readers of this blog to Brazilian Hottie Carol Seleme.  Below is Carol's Butt.  She has a Damn Fine Butt!  Near Perfect.  Just look at it for a second...

Do you want to know how she got that incredibly fine ass?   It's easy.  Check out Carol's Butt Workout for the Perfect Beach Booty!  Now you too can have a perfect Brazilian Butt (or at least inch towards one!)  



PS:  I know I may have already posted the video, but it is worth a second or third post, isn't it?
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