Saturday, March 17, 2012

One Last St. Patrick's Day Item

The Dropkick Murphy's Rock!  I just saw these guys in concert two weeks ago!  They were awesome!  They put on a great show, playing for almost two hours.  This is probably their most famous song, "Shipping Up To Boston"   I post it for your St. Paddy's Day Enjoyment.

Man Behind The "Kony 2012" Video Arrested For Public Masturbation

OK, OK, It was actually more like indecent exposure...

Jason Russell, the man behind the "Kony 2012" video and the guy that is the co-founder of "Invisible Children" was arrested yesterday morning in San Diego.  It appears Jason was party hard the day before St. Patrick's Day.  He was arrested for being drunk in public, vandalizing cars and masturbating in public.  WOW!!  That guy tied one on, didn't he!

Family Guy Goes Porn

Is there anything that is not turned into a Porn Parody Nowadays?  I have heard of the Smurfs, Star Trek, Star Wars, The Simpsons, Indiana Jones and a ton of other mainstream movies and shows that have had Porn Parodies made about them.  Now, There is a Family Guy Porn Parody.  Looks pretty stupid to me, but you be the judge.

Free Pizza With your Vasectomy!!!

WHAT A DEAL!!!  Check out this commercial and news clip about the Urology Associates of Cape Cod.  This is a true deal.  No Shit!  So guys, if you don't want to have anymore kids, or don't want any illegitimate ones, head out to Cape Cod.  They do this every March Madness!  That way, you can relax as you recover and watch basketball while you eat your pizza.  

Confess Ye Sins...



Friday, March 16, 2012

They Know How to Celebrate in Colombia

Atletico Nacional of Medellin were champions of the Colombian League after beating La Equidad on penalties. The celbration was epic.  I can attest to this as I have traveled to Colombia several times and been to a few Futbol games there.  I actually attended a regular season soccer match in that very stadium in the mid-90's.  The atmosphere was crazy.  Their fans are hardcore. Just check out the pic of the guy getting the Atletico Nacional Jersey tattooed onto his body.  Not a small one, but a full-size jersey.

 Imagine a celebration like this after a basketball or football game here in the states!

And I leave you with a few of their more beautiful fans!

Let's Work Out

She can motivate me to workout!  God I love to watch workout videos.  It is so much more fun than actually working out...

Chicago on St. Patrick's Day

The two greatest places to be on St. Patrick's Day in the States are Boston and Chicago.  I haven't been to Boston on St. Paddy's Day, but I have been to Chicago on a St. Patrick's day. 

They have a huge St. Patrick's Day parade and they dye the river green (See the pictures below).  The Irish Pubs are open all day long!!!  I recommend Fado's or the Kerryman or Kitty O'Sheas, all of which are downtown.  And I forgot Abbey's Pub.  They have live music featuring Celtic bands.  If you are up by Lincoln Park, hit Duffy’s, Durkins, Maeve and McGee’s.

There is so much to do.  I wish I was there today.  The weather is perfect. I guess I will have to make do here in Des Moines, Iowa.  They are having a St. Patrick's Day Parade downtown.  Probably take the kids to that and then off to Court Avenue tonight and a visit to Mickey's Pub.  Gonna Drink some Green Beer.  Probably drink enough so that I Piss Green in the morning.  

The Flashbang Bra Holster

As if guys don't have enough to worry about when trying to get to first base and beyond.  Now we have to worry about women hiding guns in their Bras!!!  Heaven Help Us!

A Guy's Point of View

I thought it was about time to set the record straight!  Well, actually I sat the record straight 2 and a half years ago when I posted this on my old blog.  I think it still holds true today.  I have added a few observations.  Guys - Let me know what you think.  Girls - Please do not send me emails wanting to cut off my balls or my wiener, or anything else that I value!  

From a Guy’s Point of View…
My buddy and I were talking this week and, as usual, we got to talking about women.  Isn't that what all guys do, talk about women?  It always ends up with women.  You can start talking about Sports, Politics, the Weather, etc.  but in the end, the conversation always turns to the ladies.  Anyway, after a lengthy discussion, we came to the conclusion that there are a lot of guys on the internet that write about relationships, they act like they know the opposite sex or think they can explain them. I call "BULLSHIT" to that!  Whoever says that is full of crap!  Those guys who go around saying that have no clue about women.  They are just trying to be all cool and macho.  

I am here to set the record straight. I have dated alot of women, been around them for most of my life, so I think I know them pretty well.  I would never say I am an expert on women.  I don't think any guy can. But I do think I am highly qualified and definitely more qualified than 95% of the "experts" on the internet.  

Now, I am going to set the record straight and explain some undeniable FACTS about my favorite topic, women.

1. Women don't poop-
I have never seen a woman “lay a log”, nor have I ever heard one express the fact that they got the "green splats" or "the runs."  Come to think of it, I have never heard a woman utter those words that all men hold dear and true to their hearts "I am goin' to go #2."  I bet there is some scientific research out there that says women don't produce any excrement and they also don't fart. Quit trying to hang out by the door while she is going to the bathroom.  Even if they did poop, they would probably turn the water on so we couldn't hear the plop of the poop.  (Important sidenote: because of this lack of poop, you can no longer refer to a women's ass as a Hershey highway and you absolutely cannot refer to yourself as her personal brown eyed master.)

2.  Women like it when you say, "You are just like your mother."-
Try that phrase next time you are arguing with your sweetie.  That will end it faster than a delivery of chocolate ice cream to the front door!  She will instantly smile and be all giddy.  Take advantage of this time as she will probably agree with anything you say after that. 

3.  Dutch Ovens are an acceptable form of foreplay-
Women love the way men smell, this is just a natural extension of this theory. It is all about that manly scent.  They love every smell we omit.  They may try and act all feminine and deny it, but it is an undeniable truth of womanhood.  Therefore, women have to love the Dutch Oven!  Try it tonight, I am sure she will stay under the covers and not come up for air for a long time.

4.  A casual reminder that a pair of jeans makes her ass look fat is considered to be very helpful
In order to look out for your woman, make sure you let her know, without her asking, that she looks fat in a pair of jeans.  She will be very appreciative that you are looking out for her and that you are honest.  You have killed two of women's most constant complaints about men with one little sentence.  Women always claim that us men do not pay attention to them and we are not honest.    She may be mad at first, but then she will realize that you are protecting her and actually paying attention to her.  You are sure to have Mind-Blowing sex the night you say this. 

5.  The most romantic thing you can do after a night of drinking with your friends is to…-
Sneak into the bedroom, take off your pants, and tap her on her forehead with your willie saying, "Mr. Boa (as in constrictor, What? That is her pet name for mine!) wants to play." There isn't a more romantic way to wake a woman up, 9 out of 10 women street walkers surveyed agree! Screw the alarm clock, just utilize Mr. Boa.  

There you have it guys! Make sure you employ this knowledge and these techniques as soon as possible for a happier and healthier relationship. Ladies, there is no need to thank me, I have given you a male mouthpiece to voice all of your concerns. Just think of me as the Male, White Version of Oprah!  

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Planet of the Apes - My Fondest Memory

I think it's because she was really hot, but she couldn't speak. That sounds really sexist and pig-like, but I don't mean it like that. Well, a small part of me means it like that, but really, wouldn't it be cool to fall for someone who couldn't speak? I don't think she would have went for me though, cause while Charlton Heston was saying, "Get your damn hands off me you damn, dirty apes!" I would have been in the next cell saying, "Dude, quit trying to be a bad-ass up in this place! What do you want to do? Get hit with the fire hose again?" Chicks seem to like the heroic, rebel types and not the complacent, sissy boys. Story of my life.  Anyway, I think her name was Linda Harrison.  I remember seeing the movie for the fist time when I was like 12 years old, and I think she may have been my first love.  MY GOD, she was hot!!

Some "Hot" Candle Girls in Church = FAIL!!

Get Happy Everyone!

The George Takei "Happy Dance!!!"  

Don't forget to get some "Sulu Cologne" to make you all the more happier!

Let's Lighten Things Up -- Email Joke time

I seem to get a lot of jokes that get forwarded in emails, so I am going to start a new post from time-to-time called "Email Joke Time".  These will all be emails that have been forwarded to me.  Here's a funny one that's currently making the rounds:
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk,even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up..
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Banned Beer Commercial

This Dog Drinks Bud Light, Then Budweiser.  What a Bud Dog!  Anyway, this commercial didn't quite make it to TV.  GEEEEEE...I wonder Why?

Want to Waste Some Time at Work?

I was bored at work and tired of playing Sporcle, so I checked out the game called Clockwork.   A buddy sent me the link.  You have to try it!

From the Clockwork Website:  A puzzle game in which all pieces move in synchronized paths and patterns. Players must use the speed and pathway of each piece to help unlock the puzzle, but keep track of all pieces as they move at once.

Terrifying Tuesdays - Customized Prom Dresses

It's that time again -- Terrifying Tuesday!!! With Prom season right around the corner, I thought this was appropriate.  This sure would terrify me!

I guess this is one way to get around those tight fitting prom dresses if you have a little bump in the front.
HILARIOUS!!!  And she actually wore that.  This is a real prom picture.  I wonder what the guy thought?  Could he actually look at that and say "Damn Girl!!  That is a great dress!"  What about the parents?  How many of you would let your daughter wear that?  And was this custom made or are there really prom dresses like this for pregnant girls?  They customize the hole according to how many months pregnant you are?  What is this world coming too?

DAMN!!!  I just asked 6 questions in that paragraph!

Mario Lopez - This is Why Your Career Burned Out

Seriously?  Mario, this is just stupid.  Not funny at all.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Warning - This is Gruesome

A Gymnast breaks his arm!  My friend almost passed out when he saw this.
"OH MY GOODNESS" is right!!!

If You Really Hate The Hat, Just Throw It Away!!!

Talk about a Near-Fatal Fail!

Pringles Fan?

No matter how much you like the chips, Why The Hell Would you get the dude's face tattooed on your leg!  What a waste!

Rio Bum-Bum (Probably not what you are thinking)

A friend sent me this and told me I should write about it because of the hilarious name.  It is RIO Bum-Bum Dishwashing liquid.  I have no idea how they go the connection between dirty dishes and bum-bum.  I don't even think I want to go there.

Anyway, It is a funny name.  Rio Bum-Bum.  It is Italian, so maybe Bum-Bum means something else in Italian, who knows. 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Bikini That Leaves You With No Tan Lines

Why Can't I work for

Anyway, nice idea.  A bikini that sticks to your body.  Not bad.  I could see a lot of "Wardrobe Malfunctions" happening with this one!

David Letterman's Top Ten Facts about Curling

Found this post from my old blog.  I was just talking about Curling the other day, so I thought I would post it.  My Canadian readers - You owe me one!  

David Letterman's Top-10 Surprising Facts about Curling.  Funny Stuff!!!  

Snooki Giving Birth

This is also how I picture it going down!  Good Job Chuy.

Me in 15 years!

In about 10 or 15 years, when my kids are teens, I am going to have to say this (or something like it) just so I can stay a cool parent!  And it wouldn't even be far from the truth!
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