Saturday, June 9, 2012

Model Lisa Morales is Our Hottie of the Day


Must Be a Wal-Mart in Florida

Did Anyone Else See Katherine Jenkins Flash Us on TV?

I was watching Good Morning America (Why?  I have no clue.  I usually am not up that early) and Sexy British soprano Katherine Jenkins (That's her to the left) was on the show. I decided to leave it on for a minute because she is kind of cute.  They ended getting her to dance with some dude and during the dance her skirt was lifted and her ass was revealed. Not a bad Ass if I May Say So!!!  

I finally got around to searching the net for some pics.  Here they are:

I Think The Ladies Will Like This...

According to the ladies I know, this is what most of them think of us guys!

Vegetable Seasons

Summer is here and that means gardening.  People are planting and cultivating their vegetable gardens as we speak.  I guess it is a slow blogging day, because I am going to post a graphic that shows when some of our favorite vegetables are in season.  Enjoy!

Disgusting but Funny

I am Still LMAOF!!!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Bree Olson Moves On

Charlie Sheen's ex and Porn Star Bree Olson may be trying to get out of porn and go a little more mainstream. Either that or she is getting shunned by the porn industry and she HAS to try and go mainstream.  Anyway, she shot this now Viral Video about ex-boyfriends, condoms and sex.

I have a Bree Olson story that I will have to share in an upcoming post.  I actually have met the star in Dallas.  Interesting lady to say the least.

Banned Skittles Commercial

Don't Drink and Dance

Why Not?  I think this is all the video evidence you need!

Dogs and Hot Sauce

This is a Clever Ad for Cepera Hot Sauce.  Love the Dog!!!

Welcome Friends From Norway

I checked my stats today and I found that I am popular in Norway!  I have this cool map that shows visitors from each country, the number, time spent on my blog, etc.  In the previous 4 months of blogging, I had a total of 37 visitors from Norway.  In the past 5 days, I have had 81 hits from Norway!  Not sure why I am so popular there.  I hope there are not any racy pictures of me circulating in Norway and now everyone wants to know who THE MADMAN is. 

I thought I would honor my Norwegian friends by posting some facts about their beautiful, fjord filled, but cold country.  Enjoy!   (Taken from Here)

Norway, a country situated in Northern Europe, is one of the members of the Council of the Baltic Sea States. In the country, His Majesty ‘The King’ acts as the ‘Head of State’, while the Prime Minister is the ‘Head of Government’. Tourism is one of the major industries of Norway and the natural beauty of the country forms its primary attraction. The fjord-serrated coastline and lofty mountains of the place, combined with the unblemished natural splendor of its inner parts, attract tourists to its lap year after year. In the following lines, we have provided a number of fun and interesting facts about Norway, to help you know the country better.

Interesting Facts about Norway 
  • The official name of Norway is 'Kingdom of Norway'.
  • Norway follows the system of Constitutional monarchy and Parliamentary democracy.
  • Norway is situated in Northern Europe.
  • Norway comprises of western and northern parts of the Scandinavian peninsula and the northern territories of Jan Mayen and the Svalbard archipelago, along with Bouvet Island, Peter I Island and Queen Maud Land in the southern hemisphere.
  • The official language of Norway is Norwegian (Bokmal and Nynorsk). However, in some districts, S├ími is also an official language.
  • Norway has an official Protestant State Church, based on the Evangelical-Lutheran religion.
  • Norway is the sixth largest country of Europe, in terms of land mass. However, in terms of population, it ranks only 28th.
  • Norway is one of the members of the Council of the Baltic Sea States.
  • The coastline of Norway, including fjords and bays, stretches over 20,000 kilometers.
  • As per historical accounts, the small kingdoms of Norway were united into a single state around 885 AD, by Harald the Fairhaired, a Viking King.
  • It is believed that the name Norway means “Path to the North”.
  • The highest mountain in Norway is Galdhopiggen (2,469 m). The largest lake in the country is Mjosa.
  • The Jostedalsbreen, in Norway, is the largest glacier in Northern Europe.
  • Pagan Gods, like Odin and Thor, were worshipped in Norway before it converted to Christianity, in 995.
  • Plague (Black Death) killed over a third of the population of Norway in the mid-14th century.
  • Hundreds of thousands of Norwegians migrated to USA in the 19th century.
  • The Christmas tree, which stands in Trafalgar Square in London, has been presented by ‘City of Oslo’ to the UK, for over fifty years.
  • The per capita income of Norway ranks among the highest in the world.
  • Norwegian Constitution was signed on 17th May, 1814. The day is celebrated as a national holiday in the country.
  • As per Encyclopedia Britannica, Norwegians read more than any other population in the world.
  • Norway is counted amongst the wealthiest countries of the world.
  • Norway was rated the most peaceful country in the world, in a survey conducted by Global Peace Index in 2007.
And last, but not least, Norway is home to some very beautiful women!  Take a look:
Rebecca Tysnes - Norwegian Model

Former Miss Norway - Monica Hansen

Kari Traa - Olympic Freestyle Skier

Aylar Lie

Chris Brown is an ASSHOLE!

Chris Brown is a DICK!  Come and get me Asshole!

Chris Brown tweeted this:

He already beat up Rihanna and now he wants to beat up Cher!  What a guy.  A real winner.
Dude, why don't you start threatening all the MALE Obama Haters out there (There are a ton of them!) and see what happens.  Let's see how tough you really are!  If you want, come by Des Moines and we can throw down.  YES, that is right DOUCHEBAG, I think you "needs" a beating!

...Sorry, I am having a bad day and I had to vent my anger somewhere.  But the challenge still stands DICKHEAD Chris!

Jennifer Love Hewitt Explains Vajazzling

This helps me understand it.  "A Sparkly Secret in your Pants"

Free Advice Fridays - Repairing Anything

Simple Flow Chart that shows you how to repair ANYTHING!  Bookmark this, Download it...It is invaluable!

Fav. Songs: Pardon Me - Incubus

Love This Song!  I have heard it twice on the radio already this morning, so it must be a sign.  I had to post the video.  Then an idea hit me; Why not post the videos to some of our favorite songs!  A new series of blog posts have been born.  Enjoy!

And I can definitely relate to this song.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

An Evening of Kickball

I was so bored today!  I did nothing and I was content with relaxing at home, watching TV and vegging on the couch.  My friend Kyle texted me and I made the mistake of telling him how bored I was.  He quickly reminded me that I "owed him one" (for being my wingman down on 6th Street a couple weeks ago, when he got stuck with a talkative, annoying girl who was not all that attractive either).  I asked him what he needed and he said his kickball team was in the league quarterfinals and they did not have enough players.  A couple of guys were out of town and another was hurt.  They needed one more to be able to play that night.  If I didn't play, they'd have to forfeit.  So I told Kyle that if they couldn't find anyone else in the next 4 hours, I would do it.  I doubt he tried to find anyone else.  He probably just waited until 4 PM and called me up.  Looks Like I was on for a game of kickball!  

I was telling a couple of buddies that stopped over after work that I was pissed about having to go.  I really wanted to just have a few beers and then go to sleep, but here I am spending a beautiful summer evening in Austin playing a stupid recess game.

Can you believe that there is a league for this game?  It is a game we all played when we were between the ages of 5 and 13.  Hell, if you have a league for kickball, why not have a league for Red Rover, Tag and that 4-square bouncy game?  

I get there thinking that this is probably some rec league team and they treat it like a beer league.  I was hoping they had coolers of beer and we could have a few during the game.  BOY WAS I WRONG!  These guys were serious.  We had warm-ups and then a pre-game pep talk.  A couple of the guys were saying how important this game was.  They hadn't made it past the quarterfinals during the last 4 season.  They were passionate about it!  

Maybe that fired me up or maybe I just didn't want to look like a douche, but I played the best kickball game of my career ( I haven't played since i was in 6th grade.  I went 5 for 6 with a home run, no errors, and we won the game 13-6.  They even asked me back for the semi-final game since one of the guys had back surgery and can't play the rest of the season.  I think I could get hooked on this game!  

--Enrique Santos

Where's the Horse?

A friend sent me this pic and wanted to know what kind of horse this was?  I took me about 20 minutes before I finally saw the Horse!  DUDE, Who cares about the Horse!!!

Hottie Planking

That is Hottie Kirsten Price, Planking in a Bikini, While Drinking a Capri Sun.  What more could you ask for?  

An Open Letter to the Driver in Front of Me at E.P. True Parkway and Mills Civic Light Today at 5:10 PM

Dear Driver of the Car in Front of Me,

The light is green.  Move IT!!!


PS:  I did not compose this text while driving.  I am currently in a parking lot at Valley Junction, West Des Moines,, getting ready to attend the Weekly Farmer's Market.  I do not condone Texting and Driving.  Just wanted to make that clear!

Django Unchained Movie Trailer

Looks like Quentin Tarantino has another great movie coming out soon. Check out the trailer for Django (The D is silent) Unchained.

And that is Christoph Waltz from his movie Inglorious Basterds (he played Col. Hans Landa) who is Co-Starring in this one.  That guys is one great actor!

Jaime Foxx, Don Johnson (From Miami Vice fame) and Leonardo DiCaprio are also in it.  This looks to be one of this winter's best movies!  I can't wait.

The Sex Olympics

I doubt this is ever going to make the Olympics so I propose a new alternative Olympics.  We have the X Games so why can't we have the SEX Games?  Just a thought.  In addition to Speed Sex, we could have competitions such as:
--Most athletic Sex Position
--Most Female Orgasms in 5 minutes
--Longest Cum Shot
--Underwater Synchronized Sex
And I am sure you could come up with plenty of other events.  Leave your ideas in the comments below!

A Thong and A Hot Chick

Notice I said AND...  That doesn't mean the Thong is on the Hot Chick!  

Our Favorite Songs - Mope

The second song in our never-ending list of "Our Favorite Songs". The first one was yesterday.

Now #2:    Remember this one?  "Mope" by The Bloodhound Gang

I am sure you probably remember their first big hit  from 90s rap-rock-funnymen The Bloodhound Gang,  “The Bad Touch”.  It seems that most people have either forgotten their second single or never even heard of it.  , released another single. I think they were just way too early.  If they would have released this song in today's "show us all the nostalgia from the past" mentality, it would have been a huge hit!  
Just look at the samples used: (everything in the grey boxes are from Wikipedia)
The song “Mope” features samples from Falco’s ”Rock Me Amadeus”, Metallica’s ”For Whom the Bell Tolls”, Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ”Relax”, the Pac-Man theme song, and Homer Simpson saying “Holy Macaroni” from “Treehouse of Horror VI”.
AND the list of pop-culture refereneces:
  • Subterranean Homesick Blues by Bob Dylan,
  • Notorious B.I.G., a rapper
  • Tupac Shakur, a rapper
  • Falco, an Austrian rocker (The song samples Falco’s hit, “Rock Me Amadeus”)
  • Frankie Goes to Hollywood (The song a samples the group’s song, “Relax”)
  • Metallica, The chorus’ harmony line is Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls”
  • Cold-Eeze, a cold medicine
  • Sweatin’ to the Oldies, a Richard Simmons workout video.
  • Golden Girls, a TV show
  • Mayor McCheese, a McDonaldland character.
  • Shamrock Shake, a mint-flavored, green-colored McDonald’s milkshake.
  • The Weather Channel, a TV station
  • What’s Happening!!, a TV show
  • Nutty Buddy, ice cream.
  • Silly Putty, a toy for children by Binney & Smith Inc
  • Spam, canned meat sold by Hormel
  • Colgate, a brand of toothpaste
  • National Geographic, a magazine
  • U.P.S., or United Parcel Service
  • COPS, a TV show
  • King Kong, a fictional giant gorilla
  • Tori Spelling, an actress
  • Party of Five, a popular TV show from the ’90′s
  • Luciano Pavarotti, an opera singer
  • Bo Jackson, a multi-sport professional athlete
  • Old Spice, a popular men’s cologne
  • My So-Called Life, a TV show
  • Brut, a cologne by Faberge
  • Journey, a rock band
  • Mullet, a haircut
  • Flowbee, a vacuum-powered device made for cutting hair
  • Kirby Company, a vacuum cleaner manufacturer
  • Jonny Quest, an animated TV series
  • Etch-A-Sketch, a popular children’s toy
  • Pac-Man, an arcade game developed by Namco
  • The Simpsons, Homer yelling “Holy Macaroni!” (from Treehouse of Horror VI)

Check it out and enjoy!

Hot Blonde Russian Reporter Falls in Fountain

No further description needed.  The title of the post says it all... I guess I could add "FAIL!"

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Tori Spelling "Donna" Needs a New Plastic Surgeon

Remember the eternal virgin on Beverly Hills 90210?  Donna, the good girl whose real life Dad produced the show (hence his daughter had to be the good girl) is not so good now.  She has been known to party and drink a little too much. 

It appears that Tori Spelling (Donna) decided she needed to get a boob job to stay competitive in Hollywood -- Let's Face It, she isn't the Hottest Hollywood Starlet.  Anyway, I think Tori needs a New Plastic Surgeon.  Who butchered her boobs?  That is just awful!!!  And How can she go out in public showing  Not sure what that is in there. 

Open Letter to Randy's Wife

Dear Madam, I had the misfortune to hear you quite literally screaming into your phone at the top of your voice trying to get your husband Randy to come to the phone earlier today at Barnes & Noble in West Des Moines, and I have some thoughts on the matter, namely these:

A) a cell phone will STILL WORK if you hold it away from your mouth and go off to find what happened to Randy, because screaming for him clearly didn’t work.

B) Putting your hand over the part you speak into on a phone will NOT break it nor will it disconnect the line. When screaming for Randy NEXT time you may want to mute your air raid siren-like voice for the convenience of the person on the other end of the line.

C)  Maybe you didn't notice, but you were at a Barnes & Noble Bookstore, A PUBLIC PLACE!!!  This wasn't in the confines of your private home.  People were relaxing, reading, drinking coffee (Which, by the way, if you were drinking any coffee before this episode,  you may want to consider cutting down on your caffeine consumption) and the last thing they wanted to hear was your screaming, whiney voice.

D) maybe the reason Randy didn’t hear you is because he’s hiding.  I know I would be hiding and a little embarrassed if it was my wife yelling in a store looking for me!

That is all Dear Madam -- I hope you learned your lesson

Great Prank - Hot Sauce in the Straw

From the sight Nikki and John.  BTW:  Nikki is a Hottie...Just sayin'

--Enrique Santos

I May Start Watching the LPGA Tour

Let's face it, the LPGA tour, and golf in general, is kind of boring to watch on TV.  Sure, the courses are beautiful and green and there is a great amount of skill involved, but I have never gotten into watching golf.  I love to play it, but hate to watch it.

That may change with Meghan Hardin on the LPGA tour.  She is a bonafide hottie!  It seems as though every four or five years, the LPGA gets lucky and a woman like Meghan comes along!  We have Natalie Gulbis who has been on the tour for a few years.  Here is Natalie looking Hot, Hot, Hot!

Love that Stretch!  
And now, Meghan has come along to beautify the LPGA.  Imagine Meghan and Natalie as part of your threesome!  (No pun intended)

Here are some pics of the beautiful Meghan Hardin:

LPGA Golf may become my favorite Spectator Sport!

Random Thoughts - June Edition

  • Is it just me or is our society becoming more and more germaphobic every month.  New sanitizers, studies on germs, soap adds on the rise, etc.  Yet it still amazes me that people will not think twice about sticking a ketchup package in their mouth to tear it open. I shudder at the thought of how many times that package has been handled before it makes it to my germ-free hands. And isn't it about time the ketchup package evolved? Is there a secret ketchup package conspiracy we are unaware of that does not allow the manufacturing of a new type of ketchup packet?  They are using the same design that they had in the 70's.  There has to be a better, or greener, packet. 
  • I have an upright vacuum cleaner. It sucks and it does a good job of sucking. But I don't understand why I have a headlight on my upright vacuum cleaner. I don't vacuum in the dark or in a wall-to-wall community carpet arena where other people are also vacuuming and the headlight could help keep me safe from a vacuum collision. Having a headlight on the vacuum makes about as much sense as having a headlight on your iron. I am not going to iron in the dark either. I just don't get it.
  • I find it disturbing and sad that journalists are using Twitter updates as reliable news sources. When I hear an ABC news story quoting Twitter or an ESPN anchor reporting about something Chad OchoCinco tweeted, it just doesn't seem newsworthy to me.  What if these guys are pulling our legs and just tweeting crap to tweet.  Think about it...
  • I used to love to "super size" my meal, but I am vowing to stop that.  I truly believe that "Super Sizing" at fast food restaurants should be outlawed.  That would probably save a ton of money on health care. 
  • Has anyone been completely satisfied with a super duper premium car wash? The ones where they do the undercarriage, extra wax and foam, etc. To me, it looks the same no matter which car wash I choose at the gas station.
  • It seems that weekly, there are TV stations, papers and websites telling us what jobs are going to be in demand in the next few years. I have a long term job prediction.  What about getting involved in the tattoo removal business?  I think it is going to be huge in about 10 or 15 years.  A few tattoos here and there are ok, but I think a lot of folks are going to regret the arm sleeves and the neck tattoos and the full leg tattoos that they are getting today.  When they hit 40 or so, they are going to want them off.   

That's All For Now...

Ladies - I Found a Sentimental Guy For You!

Here you go Ladies -- I keep hearing Guys aren't sentimental enough.  Well check out this guy.  I think he would fit the bill as a sentimental Dude!

And Another Fail Video

Why do I post them?  Because they are freakin' funny!  And it is always nice to know that there are others out there who fail more than you do!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Biggest Boobs Ever Seen at a Nightclub!


3-D Porn?!?!?!

Last night, we were over at my buddy's house.  He has one of those new 3-D TV's.  We were checking it out when One of the guys commented "Too Bad Porn isn't in 3-D."

Ron got a big smile on his face and ran into his In-Home office.  He rushed out holding a disc.  We all stared at each other in Disbelief.  Could it be?  There really is 3-D Porn out there?

Sure Enough, There is!  Ron was holding a copy of the world's first 3-D erotic film, "3-D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy" It is a Chinese Film that was made in Hong Kong last year.  The film is set during the Ming-dynasty and is a sequel to an earlier Chinese movie,  "Sex and Zen."  Here is the SFW Trailer:

A behind the scenes NSFW look is available here.

My Review for The World's First 3-D Porn Movie:

It kind of sucked!  The Film's hero has a small Penis and he wishes for himself a giant "cock" in order to have a ton of fun in the Pavilion of Ultimate Bliss (Think a Tacky, Eastern Version of the Playboy Mansion).  Back home his wife longs for the hero, little suspecting her husband's transformation into the Dirk Diggler of China. There is plenty of orgasmic moaning throughout the movie, but all-in-all the sex was not satisfying, despite the moans.  The movie showed a lot of flesh, but there was little sex and when there was, it was not convincing.  I would think you could do a whole lot more with 3-D porn.  You could have juices and sweat flying, a penis flying out of the screen, big boobs shaking in your face, etc.  

I would not call this hardcore porn.  It is more like a Soft-Core Porn movie you would see on Cinemax or Showtime.  

--Enrique Santos

Doing My Part To Rid the World Of Terrorist

How about some Terrorist hunting for Terrifying Tuesday?

I am sick and tired of terrorist!!!  Let's get rid of them all. In an effort to assist law enforcement, Ramblings of a Semi-Madman has decided to post the pictures of several known terrorists who may or may not be in the United States, Mexico, Canada, or anywhere else my readers hail from. If you recognize any of these men, please contact authorities immediately:

This guy.

These dudes.

Dudes with bazookas.

Terrorist guy on the phone

The Joe Pesci Look Alike (Very clever disguise)
David Hasselhoff (Maybe not a terrorist, but he needs to be disposed of somehow)

My Friend Candace Got an Indecent Proposal

Yesterday, I was taking a stroll on the Town Line Hike and Bike Trail in the relentless Austin Heat with my friend Candace.  We had already walked about 2 miles when I took a detour to take a piss.  I told her I would catch up with her.  We were close to Robert E. Lee Drive and the bridge that crosses Barton Creek.  

I missed this next part, so I am re-telling it just as Candace told me.  

This cute stranger comes up to me and asks me “You over 18?”I say “Excuse me?”He pulls out his card. “I’m a photographer for a Texas Modeling Magazine. Do you model?”I immediately think this is some lame pick-up line and I start hoping you are coming back sooner rather than later from your pee.  I know you sometimes get sidetracked when you see a pretty lady.I nod my head and say “Uh, no thanks.”“OK, OK.” the dude says.  Then he pauses and asks me “Do you wear lingerie?”Apparently he’s not getting the hint. “I said, no thanks.”“Just a couple photographs. Bra, panties…whatever you feel comfortable in.  You have the look.”I start looking for you, but I don't see you.  I am not too worried as there are probably 10 or 15 people jogging and biking.  I still get ready to give a swift kick to the groin if needed.  “Not interested.” I say and start walking away.  “Fifty bucks if you moon me. Please. I’ll give you fifty bucks on the spot.”“If I what?!? MOON you?!?”Jesus, this guy’s a fucking Whack Job.  I clinch my fist and turn to look at this psycho.  As I start walking back to him, something clicks in me and I think "Wait a minute. Fifty bucks?!?"
I ask him if he is serious and the dude says yes.  I tell him I want the money in advance and no camera. Then I tell him to stand on the trail while I take a few steps off the trail so no one else could see.
Then...I pull down my jogging shorts to my knees for about 3 seconds, all the while making sure he has no camera, then pull them back up.  
The easiest $50 bucks I ever made!  
You kind of have to know Candace to understand it all.  She is a great girl.  Smart, talented and a hottie.  She actually is pretty conservative, most of the time.  She has a wild streak in her and I think that is what showed this morning.  She later confessed she got a thrill from it.  

I offered her $100 bucks to flash her boobs for me and then do a quick moon, but she declined.  She told me "It wouldn't be the same with you.  We are friends.  Besides, you have seen me naked anyway!"  

True and I Thank God for those days of boating at Lake Travis, when we all would go to a cove and her and her friends would sunbathe topless!  

Unfortunately, she forbade me to post a pic of her here.  She just doesn't want anyone at work to figure out it was her.  :(  What a shame, because her Ass is Smokin!!!!

--Enrique Santos

Hispanic Batman - Seriously, I am not Joking Here

I found out that there is a new comic book series out about Batman.  It is called "Hispanic Batman" and it is just like the regular batman comics, but has a little "Latin" flavor to it.  In this comic book, Batman is a former Mexican Wrestler with a Moustache.

In one of the first couple comics, Hispanic Batman goes to the Playboy Mansion (I know you are skeptical, but I cannot make this stuff up!)  The comic debuted at this year's Comic-Con Festival out in California.  The "Caped Conquistador's" (like that one?) comics will be available soon at all Comic Book Stores.  

We Want Your Picture!

Hi Everyone!  This is Enrique.  Matt and I want to get to know our readers.  That is why we are asking you to send in pictures of yourself.  Guys, Girls dogs, grandpas; whoever is reading this blog, send in a picture of yourself and I will post it with a bio or something about yourself.  You can write it.  You can promote your blog, facebook page, anything.  It can be a pic of you at work, at play, at the beach, at home in front of the laptop...We don't care. Send your pics to or

I know some of you are thinking, "Dude, they just want girls to send in self-pics of themselves in bikinis or lingerie, etc."  I will not deny that thought entered our mind and we definitely will not delete or refuse to post any pics of a hottie, but this is much more than that.  We think it would be cool to actually put a face with our readers.  Blogging can be so anonymous.  This at least takes away some of that anonymity.

I actually got this idea from a friend of mine.  She did this on her old blog (since retired) and she ended up getting about 110 pictures in just over a year.  Granted, some of them were pics of old guys and their dicks hanging out, but she said most of them were normal pics.

To start things off, we actually have two unsolicited pics of readers.  One happens to be a friend of mine (This is Enrique writing) in Austin.  She is a hottie and a good friend.  She just wanted me to post her pic on here. Actually, Danielle's Pic kind of started getting me thinking about this and then I remembered my friend Sara and her blog.  Anyway, here is Dani:

The second unsolicited foto was of a reader in India (We are international!!!)   His name is Madhu and he sent us an email saying he would like to guest post sometime.  He sent this pic with the email.  Not sure which one Madhu is. We are hoping he writes us something and we will post it.  We are always looking for guest bloggers!  Here is the pic of Madhu and a couple of his friends.  Madhu, if you see this, please let us know which one you are.

A Disadvantage of Wearing Crocs

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