Saturday, June 30, 2012

A Human Bale of Hay

Living in Iowa, the farming capital of the world, I have seen just about everything in the farming world.  I spent a lot of time growing up on our family farm and on my Grandpa's farm.  This video was a little surprising though.

Farmer Bales Himself In Hay - Watch more Funny Videos

The Itsy Bitsy Spider - An Analysis

A Friend sent me this via email.  It kinda makes sense, doesn't it?  At least in a commie, socialist kind of way...

The Stereotype Song

SMM (Semi-Madman) Disclaimer:  I post this for your viewing enjoyment or anger.  I do not condone this video nor do I agree with the stereotypes (at least not all of them!  The American one is pretty good though :)

The Stereotypes Song by Ray Johnson. There is not any group, nationality that is immune from Ray's stereotype song.  This thing has over 21 million views.  

Here are the lyrics, just in case you don't think you heard it right.

I've always thought stereotypes were kinda ridiculous,
So I wrote a song about it and it goes a little something like this.

I think I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.

I love those fat Americans. You know they're so obnoxious.
They're always eating burgers. They're always holding shotguns.
And I love Mexicans. The way they mow my lawn.
They all got 100 kids 'cause they don't know how to put a condom on.
Uh huh. 'Cause that's the way they role.
You've got to go big like an Israeli nose.
If you ever buy a pint for an Irish guy, they're
Out of control like a Chinese driver.

I love the Middle East, but how do they handle
Rockin' burkas while they're riding camels.
I love Jamaicans. Yeah, they're cool, but
They're always high, so don't let them fool ya.
And I love them Puerto Ricans,
Even though they wash their ass about once a weekend.
I'm just joking. If you didn't know then
You're a little slow and you're probably from Poland.

I think I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.

Aw yeah! Let me hear you yell
If you love the outback redneck Australians,
And the crooked teeth of an English dude
Or those creepy Italians who think they're smooth.
And how could anyone hate the French.
Yeah, I know their hairy women don't shave their pits.
Brazilian girls is what you want,
Walking around town with that ba-dunk-a-dunk.

I love Africans, but hold up a second.
National Geographic says they're all butt-naked.
Breasts hanging low. What have they done with their clothes.
They've disappeared like coke up a Colombians nose.
Uh oh! They're all on my checklist,
Even Russian guys who drink vodka for breakfast.
They're stereotypes, and if you believe them,
Then your brain is small like a Korean's penis.

I think I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.

I love Scotsmen though they hump sheep.
(repeat 8x)

I think I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance to these stereotypes.

Our Favorite Songs - Lita Ford "Kiss Me Deadly"

I have to admit, when this song and video came out, I was blown away!  There weren't really many women who were in Hard Rock/Metal and it seems the ones who were in it were fairly ugly!  Then this came out and I nearly creamed my pants.  I was probably 13 or 14 and I was at that "Horny" puberty stage.  And Lita did it for me!  She was Hot, 80's hair and tight leather pants and everything!  Enjoy the video while I reminisce.

This is a Weird Pic

No comment needed...

Friday, June 29, 2012

That's a Nice Trick!

That's A Nice Trick - Watch More Funny Videos

Even in Miami, They Hate the Heat!

Found this pic from this weeks Miami Heat NBA Championship parade.  Looks like there weren't alot of people there.  I have been to the San Antonio Spurs Parade and the Dallas Mavericks Parade last year, and at all three (saw the Spurs parade twice) there were tons of people.  It was at least 6 or 7 deep for the whole parade route.  I guess it goes to show you, LeBron and the Heat aren't even "All That" in their hometown of Miami!

Why Brazil Rules in Just About Everything

Damn!!! I wished I was back in Brazil!!! 

Short Penis Stereotypes

A Random Thought to close the day -- You know what would really suck? Being a black man with a small penis. Can you imagine the constant looks of disappointment you would get every time you took a honey home and got busy? You would quickly become accustomed to hearing, "Oh. I was expecting something. . . well . . . different."

Out of all of the stereotypes out there, that is one that I think most black men could live with. I have black friends and they proudly talk about their penis size...Well all of them except Marcus; maybe he has heard the above expression before (sorry Marcus.   Hope I am wrong there).

So do the few small-penised black men just cringe when they hear that stereotype?

So ladies, next time you hook up with an under-endowed black man, you should look that small penis straight in the...uhh...eye and say that you are not going to give into a racist stereotype. You tell that penis that you are going to fight those vicious and harmful big-penis stereotypes. You are going to treat it just like you would any other penis that you have gotten busy with.  Both the penis and its owner will appreciate it!

This is what I was thinking about as my work day is coming to an end.  Why?  I just read a magazine article on Stereotypes and the last sentence of the article was:  "Think about common stereotypes that you have heard.  How would you feel if you were part of them?"  My answer -- I would feel pretty shitty.  But then again, I am a white guy with a normal sized penis (of course that means tiny compared to most black men...There I go again, perpetuating the stereotype!  I better shut-up).

December 21, 2012 - Prepare Yourself for Doomsday!!!!!!

This Week's edition of FREE ADVICE FRIDAY is designed to help us all deal with the impending doom that will happen on December 21, 2012.

As many of you know, the world is coming to an end in a couple of years.  Call me crazy, but I seriously hope something crazy and apocalyptic happens on December 21st 2012, the day the Mayan calendar ends.

Yep, I hope to hear someday that a big asteroid is headed our way and will crash into planet earth – but not anywhere near me. Maybe Antarctica. Yeah, Antarctica.  Except for freshwater ice cubes and penguins, what good is Antarctica for?  Nothing. On second thought, Penguins are cute.  I have always loved to see them at the scratch that.  Not Antarctica.  What about Greenland?  Not much there.  It isn't even green, it is covered in ice and snow so it is white.  I guess the asteroid could land there. 

Anyway, here we have people believing that something drastic will happen on that fateful day and some people believe nothing will happen. It is a toss-up.  I believe nothing will happen of course, but so did the great people in Atlantis and then all of a sudden they awoke one day to find their city under water, they were expert swimmers, and their necks were starting to form gills. They had no idea it was coming.  Maybe the same thing will happen.  I doubt it, but you never know...  

I mean it is possible I guess.  Maybe I’ll wake up here in Iowa and find myself in tattered clothing and scouring the hills for some sort of special rock that wards off the disease that has destroyed humanity?  There are some pretty cool geodes around Iowa.  Maybe that is why there are so many of them.  After all, it is Iowa's state rock.  Once the apocalypse happens, maybe everyone will flock to Iowa for the magical healing power of the Geode!  I better start collecting them now. 

Like I said earlier, I guess I kind of hope something crazy happens – while there is Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton there is a need for mass destruction.  I don't mean kill everyone off -- Just a cleansing of most of humanity from the face of the earth.  There are a lot of people out there that could use a good dying.  I know that sounds bad, but think about it...Thought about it?   It is true, right?  Think about the annoying telemarketer that always calls late, or the slow driver that drives in the left hand lane, or all the idiots on Jersey Shore.  Think about how better life would be without them. 

I don’t believe that I’LL definitely be a survivor of whatever apocalypse will befall us, but I have a couple things going for me: I have a car and can get away in a hurry provided I’ve remembered to fill my tank on December 20, 2012, (I am making a note right now on my Google calendar)  I know how to make a fire, I can sleep anywhere, I’ve watched Survivor a bunch of times, I was in Cub scouts, I would eat anything to survive (cannibalism you ask?  If it means me living or dying, I could probably stomach a well cooked rib or some thigh meat), and I’m practiced in wearing torn clothing (I was in college in the 90's).  I’ve got ‘survivor’ written all over me, so I’m not afraid of what may be coming.  Screw the Survivor TV show, which I have tried to get on several times.  I will show the world that I am the true survivor!!!

Those of you in more urban areas like New York or Mexico City or Paris or Tokyo should start getting ready just in case. Start heading for the country. The rest of you? You’ll find that in Post-Apocalyptic Earth, your money is useless, so you might as well just send it all to me now if you have some (There is a link to my PayPal account on the left column of this blog). It’s not like it’s worth anything anyways with this economy the way it is. Go ahead, just click on PayPal.  Or if that is too hard for you, just send me your account information in an email and I’ll take care of the rest. No problems!

I guess what I’m saying here is that there’s no reason to be alarmed yet, unless being alarmed convinces you to send me money or prevents you from going out and making a movie like “Mall Cop” or “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” while you prepare your dry goods storage bunker. Then by all means, feel free to freak out.

The Origin of the Word "Trampoline"

How Trampolines Got their name!  LOL!!!

Now This is a Breakfast!

8 ounces of beef, thick cut bacon, sharp cheddar cheese, a fried egg, and some greens to make it look healthy.  I would substitute hash browns for the fries and then you would have the perfect breakfast!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Kate Upton High School Yearbook Photo -- HOT!!!

Just because we love Kate here at Ramblings!  These are from the Holy Trinity Episcopal Academy (Melbourne, Florida) HS yearbook.

And don't forget to check out our other Kate Upton posts:

The Many Hidden Talents of Kate Upton
Kate Upton on the Cover of GQ Magazine
Kate Upton as the Easter Bunny
Kate Upton doing the Cat Daddy Dance
Kate as a Sexy Nun
Kate in one of the Sexiest GIFs ever
Kate in another Sexy GIF
Kate Upton Birthday Post

Photoshopped or Natural?

That is a Big, Misshapen Butt!  I say this one is Photoshopped.  What do you think?

And I don't get the whole huge butt thing.  I am an ass man.  I love a perfect butt, but I want it to be a little smaller than this one.  That is just weird.

On another note, I almost held this pic over for a Terrifying Tuesday post.  Between the Butt and her face, I would be scared if I was alone in an elevator with her!  Imagine that chick in bed...she could tear you apart!

--Enrique Santos

2010 British MTV World Cup Commercial -- Hilarious!

From my Old Blog:

A Buddy of mine in England sent this video clip over (a little late since the World Cup is Over).  Anyway, pretty funny MTV commercial that ran during the World Cup this summer.  Thanks Sean!!!

It' Still Hot as Hell in Iowa and Texas!

Matt says it is hot in Iowa and it is burning up here in Austin, Texas as well.  I am Dreaming of Cooler weather...and bikinis!  So I thought I would post some pics of Girls in Bikinis in the Snow!!!

Stay Cool!!!

 --Enrique Santos

Olympic Skier Lindsey Vonn in HEAD Commercial

It is so Freakin' Hot in Iowa This Week!!!  I was looking at stuff on the old blog and thought I would post this Great Commercial for HEAD Skis.  It isn't ADD, it is Lindsey using her Kinetic Energy!  It has snow, which would be nice today.  I also know Lindsey Vonn.  I have met her a couple times.  Her Dad and my Dad are friends and they have done some work together.  She is cool and a hottie!

This is smart product placement - Condoms or Diapers

Christwire: Tell US How you Really Feel About Carly Rae Jepsen!

They don't Hold Anything Back!!!

Olympic Swimmer Stephanie Rice in a Bikini Upsets Some Aussies

Australian Swimmer Stephanie Rice, who is an Olympic Gold Medalist that happens to SWIM for a living in a SWIMSUIT, is creating a stir in her native Australia for tweeting a picture of herself in...WAIT FOR IT... a swimsuit! The nerve of some people.  I Can't Believe a Swimmer Would ever do that!
The three-time gold medalist took this shot of herself wearing a birthday gift from designer Ellie Gonsalves and posted it on Twitter. It made waves (pun intended) just one month before she defends her Olympic gold medals in London.   Seriously People, What is the Big Deal?!?!?!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

"Oh Shit, Here Comes Another 'Yo Quiero Taco Bell' Joke. Can I get a new owner?"

Jenny McCarthy Is Almost 40 and On The Cover of Playboy

Jenny McCarthy is pushing 40 and is on the cover of Playboy this month.  She is still looking Good!  Definitely a top 10 MILF!
--Enrique Santos

Dr. Hedgehog

The Many Talents of Kate Upton

Many People say Kate Upton is just a pretty face and a pair of boobs (Great boobs at that).  I beg to differ and so does Terry Richardson.  He took Kate to Santa Monica Pier and  Beach and shot a short video showing her "Hidden" Talents!

Kate runs, hula-hoops, dances, skateboards, is a lifeguard; the girl is talented.  She even makes falling look hot!!!

We love Kate here at the Madman!  Be sure to check out our other Kate Upton Posts:

Kate Upton on the Cover of GQ MagazineKate Upton as the Easter Bunny
Kate Upton doing the Cat Daddy Dance
Kate as a Sexy Nun
Kate in one of the Sexiest GIFs ever
Kate in another Sexy GIF
Kate Upton Birthday Post

I am in Love With The Perfect Girl

Beer and Women; my two favorite topics!  This girl is perfect.  She is a hottie, is comfortable with being naked, and is ready to serve up beer anytime (While naked).  Gentlemen, I present the perfect woman!

It's HOT!!!

Our Favorite Songs - Simple Minds "Don't You (Forget About Me)"

Don't Worry Jim, I haven't Forgotten!  I hope you guys haven't either.  Here is one of my favorite 80's songs, "Don't You Forget About Me"

Spiderman Shoots Out of C.C. Sabathia's Ass

The New York Yankees played the Atlanta Braves the other night.  During the game, the Yankees' TV network YES was doing promotional spots for the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man, complete with in-game graphics.  One of their graphics was a little strange...

If Pillows Could Talk...

Some Quotes For You To Read and Think Over

Just posting some random quotes I have collected over the years.  As I get more, I will post more...duh!

There's no such thing as free kittens.

Luck is probability taken personally.

He tells her about the dead-eyed cellmate who, when arrested in a nightclub, had a beer in one hand and a sack stuffed with a woman's head in the other.
Andrew Corsello, "The Wronged Man," about Calvin Willis, a man who spent 22 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit

God damn it, the movie better be the greatest movie ever made. If it's not, I'm gonna kill Anderson. He's a dead man. If it's not the greatest movie ever made, or in the top ten, he may as well just move to China and change his name to Chin, and he better get himself a small room in a small town - and even then, I'll hunt him down.
Bill Murray, on The Life Aquatic

Cute chicks in ugly cars are cool.
Brian Kolman

I Don't. Buy the tomatoes with. The stems. On them. They don't. Degrade. They go. Down the sink. And into the water. Then. They get lodged in the throats of little. Otters.
Christopher Walken

Violence is fun, man.
Quentin Tarantino

The humane society showing up for Ozzy Osbourne, that was fabulous. We had these caged doves by where he was going to be signing, and they had these little signs on them that said, “Oh No, Ozzy”s Coming!” The humane society showed up with their trucks and stayed there the whole time.
Judy Negley, Co-Owner of Independent Records and Video, Colorado Springs, CO

Why can’t rock music be about growing old?
Roger Daltrey of the Who, who once sang “Hope I die before I get old”

Britney was absolutely devastated when I told her.
Taryn Manning, on telling Britney Spears that the Japanese symbols tattooed on her hipbone were meaningless gibberish

Prince smiles and holds his hands out in front of him, as if weighing an object in each. “Let’s see,” he says, “sleep, or a half a million dollars? Sleep, or a half a million dollars?”
Anthony DeCurtis, on asking Prince why he booked a tour with so few days off

Normal is a cycle on a washing machine.
Emmylou Harris

Don’t worry about suffering. It will happen. Just stand on the tracks long enough and the train will run you right down.
Pete Seeger

Senator Joe Lieberman wrote some kind of letter to us. I corrected the spelling and sent it back.
Johnny Knoxville, when asked if politicians ever gave him a hard time.

We didn’t send you to Washington to make intelligent decisions. We sent you to represent us.
Kent York, Baptist Minister, to U.S. Representative Bill Sarpalius

My favorite one, that fits me perfectly, is an Offspring shirt. It’s a vintage t-shirt I picked up on Melrose. It was, like, fifty dollars.
Avril Lavigne, on her favorite t-shirt, making me feel really old since Offspring was from my college days.  

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke, not Bobby Kennedy

More seldom than not, the movies gives us exquisite sex and wholesome violence, that underscores our values. Every two child did. I will.
President George W. Bush--WHAT DID HE SAY?

It’s like the IRA on speed.
Colleague of Molly Bingham, on the developing resistance forces in Iraq

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hand Shadow Puppet Sex

Never thought Hand Shadow Puppet Sex would be entertaining to watch!  This is good stuff...

Maybe She Needs New Glasses

Major Volleyball Fail!

It's Always Fun When People Confuse Cologne and Colon!

Newscast/Krispy Kreme Fail

You may have to look for it, but you will find it!

I guess the assistant didn't look over the image that was downloaded from Google or something.  What a Fail!

Beatin' Barack Obama - Wanna See The President Jerk Off?

I am not making this up!  A company actually came up with this "toy"!  It is the Beatin' Barack Wind-Up Toy.  Wind him up and he beats off!

"He Beats the Odds, Now He Beats His Meat" and "Commander in Cock"...What dumbass thought up those lines?  What is this society coming to?  

Hold Up... On second thought, that might be worth something someday! It only costs $6.85 on Amazon.  In 30 years, it will probably be worth $50 or more.  I gotta get one (only as an investment, I still do not condone this type of thing!)   

Oreos and Milk

That's the way I got started with my Oreo Cookie and Milk obsession.  I remember it as if it were yesterday!  Those were the day.  I could suck on a nipple, get some sweet milk and then lick and oreo.  I still relive those days from time-to-time, but that is another blog post!  

Obama Lost Massachusetts Yesterday

Probably not the smartest thing President Obama could have said. Boston Fans take their sports seriously!

Butters on the Toilet

Butters is one of my favorite South Park Characters!  This actually makes sense, except you would have to take off your pants rather than pull them down to the ankle.  Other than that, good thinking Butters!

Terrifying Tuesdays - She is Scared of Her Own Vagina

Hell, I probably would be scared of it too.  I mean if a girl is scared of her own Vagina, that would kind of give me a bad feeling about going down there!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Our Readers - The Trophy Wife

This picture was sent to us by Ally. Ally lives in Columbus, Ohio. She wrote that "I would make a great trophy wife 'cuz all I ever wanna do is sit on a couch and look hot."

Very Nice Pic Ally!  And you are a hottie, whether on the couch or in your undies in the bathroom!  So if anyone is looking for a "Trophy Wife" look up Allison in Ohio!  

This is the kind of picture we are talking about!  Thanks again Ally and keep sending those pics in.  

Our Favorite Bikinis - The Pizza Bikini

OK, so this may not be a real bikini since it isn't all connected with strings and stuff, but anytime you put my three favorite things together (Hotties, Pizza and the Beach) I have to post it on this blog!

I Give you the Pizzakini!

Our Favorite Songs - Stone Temple Pilots "Vasoline"

Great Song by one of the Greatest Bands of all-time.   Enjoy!

Will This Guy Be Single Forever?

My Bet - YES!!!!

Italian Mario Balotelli Drinks Pee at Euro 2012

Congrats to Italy, as they advanced to the semifinals of Euro 2012 after beating England yesterday on Penalty Kicks.  As the teams were getting ready for the PK's, Italian soccer player Mario Balotelli showed up on the tele talking to teammates on the bench.  He then took a sip of a suspicious looking yellow drink which he immediately spit out.  Urine?  I believe so.  Mario accidentally drank piss!

I have seen it before. You don't want to look like a douche running off the bench and into the locker room to take a quick pee so you just use an empty gatorade bottle or whatever else is laying around.  Besides, it was a good game.  You don't want to miss anything!

Miss Hooters 2012 - Amanda Jemini

I present to you Miss Hooters 2012.  Amanda Jemini from Boca Raton, Florida won the 16th Annual Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant over the weekend. Congrats Amanda!  
Now bring me some Wings  :)

--Enrique Santos

Random Thoughts from a Madman - 69

I still have a long ways to go, but I think when I turn 69 I am going to be smiling and laughing all year long!

Finally, A Naked Picture of Mine!!!

I know the Anticipation has been building and there have been numerous requests, so here I go!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Sunday Church and Yoga Pants

If you attend church Sunday morning, but spend the entire hour there thinking about nothing but a couple of women you saw in yoga pants at the gym on Friday, do you still get credit for attending church?

...Not that that was me, I am asking for a friend...


Not sure what this chick is dressed as, and I don't even think I want to know!

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