Saturday, July 7, 2012

Savages - An Oliver Stone Film

Savages came out this weekend and I think I am going to try and see it in the next couple of days.  It sounds awesome!  It is an action thriller directed by the one and only Oliver Stone. The star-studded cast features Taylor Kitsch, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Blake Lively, Salma Hayek, Beneicio del Toro, and John Travolta. A short synopsis of the movie (taken from what I have read and seen on TV):

A Mexican Drug Cartel (Lead by sexy Salma Hayek’s Elena and Benicio Del Toro’s Lado)kidnap Ophelia (played by the very, very sexy Blake Lively). Ophelia is the girlfriend of marijuana growers Ben (Aaron Johnson) and Chon (the very underrated Taylor Kitch). Ben and Chon must confront the group (formerly known as the Baja Cartel) rescue Ophelia. John Travolta plays a corrupt DEA agent.

Some interesting tidits on this film:  
--This will be the first movie that I see John Travolta in since his whole Cross-Dressing scandal came out.  Why doesn't he just come out of the closet already.  I think everyone assumes it, so just admit it and move on!
--Salma Hayek is in this.  I love her!!!  I swear she will look good until the day she dies. A Mexican Raquel Welch or Sophia Loren!
--Oliver Stone films are always action packed and have some kind of political and/or societal message.  Not sure what this one will be. 
--The Sex Goddess Blake Lively is also in this one.  Salma and Blake together...WOW!!!!!

Maybe Nerds Have Had it Right All Along!

This Is The Job I Need

Yoga Instructor, Pilates Guru, whatever you call it, this is the job for me.  I love butts and I have touched plenty, so I am definitely qualified for it.  And I am in way better shape than that guy!  Come on ladies, wouldn't you rather have a fairly good-looking 30-something touching your but than a bald, fat 50-something?

Who Do You Think Will Be Tom Cruise's Next Wife?

Here are the choices so far:

A.  Scarlett Johansson
B.  Mila Kunis
C.  Jennifer Love Hewitt
D.  Blake Lively
E.  Marion Cottilard
F. John Travolta

Leave your guess in the comments section.  If you wish to add someone to the list, leave the name in the comments and I will add it to the post.

Our Favorite Bikinis - The Tiny Brazilian Bikini

No commentary really needed here!  I have been to Brazil a few times and I can assure you that this is a common bikini down there.  Now if that trend would head north and come to America.  Could you imagine Hotties on South Padre Island wearing this one!

--Enrique Santos

Check out All of Our Other Favorite Bikinis

Jason Morrison has a New Doorbell

Brand new at my Buddy Jason's Household.

I Guess PETA Won't be coming around his house anytime soon...

Friday, July 6, 2012

Kate Upton in a Wet T-Shirt

Just had to post another Kate Upton Pic! We are obsessed here at RofSMM with her.

Base Jumper Looks Like Wile E. Coyote

This happened in Konakova, Russia. A 400 foot base jump off of a high voltage tower went horribly wrong when the man's parachute fails to completely open. He lands in the snow in what looks like one of those landings you see when Wile E. Coyote is chasing the Roadrunner. Apparently, the jumper suffered various broken bones, but survived.

Our Favorite Songs - Blur "Song 2"

Ever Since this song came out on one of the FIFA Video Games 15 years ago, I have been in love with it.  You can't help but move and jump around when you hear it.  I present to you Blur and their hit "Song 2"

Pubic Hair Birthday Gift

My buddy gave his girlfriend a rather unique birthday gift.  He shaved his pubes and gifted the pubic hair to her.  Apparently, she has been trying to get him to "Shave down there" and he has been a little reluctant.  He finally did it for her birthday. Caught her totally by surprise.  Caught all of us at the party by surprise too!

I just hope he got a great blow job in exchange for the shave!

On another note, Robbie -- You are one hairy Dude!!!!

Free Advice Friday - Doggy Style!

Gotta get that Butt up in the Air!!!

--Enrique Santos


Now you can drink Bacon Flavored Water.  This is not a joke.  I present Effervescent Bacon Drink Tabs!  Once again, THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!  I do not kid (at least this time.)  The tabs are being sold on the Archie McPhee & Co. website.

Now I love Bacon.  I mean REALLY LOVE BACON!  But Bacon flavored Water just doesn't sound too appealing to me.  There must be a "next level" of Bacon Love that I have yet to ascend to.   If that level involves drinking Bacon Flavored Water, I will gladly stay at my present level of Bacon Mania.  

Mom Calls 911 Because She Can't Control Her Son

Found this interesting story online. I know it is old, but it still says alot about our society today!
Police say a frustrated Boston woman called 911 to say she couldn't get her 14-year-old son to stop playing video games and go to sleep. Police spokesman Officer Joe Zanoli said Monday the mother called for help around 2:30 a.m. Saturday to say that the teenager also walked around the house and turned on all the lights.

The Boston Herald first reported the 911 call, saying the boy was playing the popular "Grand Theft Auto" game.
Another example of a parent who doesn't want to take the time or energy to try and set their kids right.  Instead, they just call the cops and hope someone else will do what they should be doing!!!  Unfortunately, there are way too many parents who are either too lazy or just don't care.  SAD!!!

Free Advice Friday - Ways to Lose Weight That Would Really Work

1.  Travel into a Remote Wilderness without any preparation (no maps, food, shelter, etc.) - You will be guaranteed to come out of it having lost weight, that is if you make it out alive!

2.  Embark on a doomed Romantic Adventure - This was suggested by some female friends.  It seems like many women and probably some men worry so much when they know a relationship is going to end that they lose weight.  Of course, I have also seen women and men start eating like crazy after the relationship is over, so this could be a double-edged sword.  Be careful!

3.  Contract a Terminal Disease - Terminal Diseases always bring about weight loss, and usually lots of it. 

4.  Become addicted to Opiates, Amphetamines, etc.  - I don't suggest this one, unless your name is Charlie Sheen or Robert Downey, Jr.

5.  Food Poisoning - I have suffered from Food Poisoning at least 12-15 times (I have done a lot of traveling).  Each time, I think I have lost an average of 10+ pounds.  I can vouch for this one. 
6.  Substitute laxatives for Candy - It will make you poop alot, which means you will lose weight.  It can also be a fun party joke! 

7.  Burn More Calories Than you consume!  - LOL!  I am just kidding.  We all know that doesn't work!  Besides, you would have to work at it!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Redneck Birth Control

Fingering a Girls Butt = Get a Disease...It's Karma?

LOL!  Some people are so gullible (and stupid!)

Tecate and Superman

A Fun, Fake Tecate ad.  For those who do not read Spanish, it says:
"For those who do not have a boyfriend and want one like this, Tecate is for you."
And yes, I know that "ke" and "Kieren" is spelled wrong.  Remember, I speak Spanish!!!  :)

--Enrique Santos

Ricky Gervais Tweets What I am Thinking

Great Minds Think Alike!!!

San Diego Fireworks -- 30 Seconds of Boom!

Last night, as many of us were watching our local cities fireworks shows, the San Diego Big Bay Boom Firework Show had a little problem.  The show was supposed to last 15 minutes. Instead, all the fireworks went off at once and the show lasted about 30 seconds. Here’s 15 minutes of fireworks in one 30-second YouTube video.

The city of San Diego released an explanation, stating, “People, it’s not that we didn’t last long. It’s that we gave you 15 minutes of pleasure in half a minute. We call that efficiency.”

Albert - A 6 yr. Old Who Raps About Booty Poppin'

WOW!!!!  What is the world coming too?  A 6 yr. old boy makes a rap video called "Booty Pop" featuring scantily clad women and sexual overtones.

 I didn't even know what a "Booty" was at that age.

--Enrique Santos

Rules for Dating My Daughter

I Posted this a couple of years ago on my old blog.  I figure now is as good as time as any to repost it.  I am not even sure where I got them all.  I found them on several websites and kind of personalized them.  Enjoy!!!

I know I have some time before my daughter actually starts dating (she is only 8), but I figured I better get a jump on things and start making my dating rules list for would-be suitors.  This is just a rough draft:

Ten Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.  Come in and face me like a man!

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body,  I will remove them.  (We just got the movie "Machete" - I will be taking notes!)

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that the world can see your boxers.  I think this is stupid and I hope the style changes before my daughter starts dating.   If it doesn't, I propose a compromise to these loose pants wearing idiots:  You can come to the door with your underwear showing but I want to make sure your pants stay on during your date with my daughter.  Therefore, I reserve the right to use my high-powered staple gun to fasten your pants directly to your waist.  Don't worry, I will sterilize the staples so no infection occurs.  And the staples better still be there when you drop my daughter off.   

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can  kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
You may come over and try to make small talk with me while waiting for my daughter.  You probably think it is the polite thing to do and makes you seem friendly if you talk about sports or politics, etc.  Let me save you some breath.  Don't talk to me.  I only want to hear "Yes, sir",  "No, Sir" and "We will be home early" coming from your lips.  I do not care about anything else you have to say!   

Rule Six:
Once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry (and hurt!)

Rule Seven:
While waiting around for my daughter to come (remember, make-up and hair takes along time), I would suggest that you do something useful, such as clean my garage or wash the dishes.  This will score you some major points!   

Rule Eight:
The following places are strictly prohibited for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, love seats, bean bags, etc.  It has to have single seat chairs or don't even think about taking her there.  Places that are not supervised by parents, policemen, nuns or other responsible adults.  Places that are dark (movie theaters are OK as long as you tell me where and which movie you are seeing and the time - Chance are I will get the urge to see the same movie at the same time but don't worry, it will be just a coincidence.)   Warm or hot places are off-limits as well, as my Daughter will want to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, etc.  Take her only to places where sweaters, jackets, gloves, long pants, etc. are required.  Ice Skating or a Hockey game come to mind.  

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may seem like a balding, slightly overweight, middle-aged man, but when it comes to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one and only one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I have a shotgun, a handgun, a shovel, and we live right on the edge of town, close to acres and acres of woods and fields. Do not test me!!!

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid.  I like to clean my guns on weekend nights.  Usually after 10 or 11 PM.  Since that will be the time you are bringing my daughter home, you need to be very, very careful.  As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.  Go to my daughter's side of the car and open the door for her.  Speak very clearly that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.  I will be in no mood to talk.  And if you don't recognize that guy standing at the front door, that is just me, with my camouflaged face.  Don't be alarmed.  Just get in your car and drive away.  

Our Favorite Bikinis - Maybe The Tiniest Bikini Bottom Ever!

Party Pants

Sometimes I get bored and I google random phrases.  Today, I googled "Party Pants"  This was the first image in the Google Images Search:

Kids at Weddings, and Funerals

I remember when I was a teen and a ton of my cousins got married all within a few years.  My older relatives would do this.  I never thought of doing the same to them at funerals!  Good Idea!

--Enrique Santos

Swimmer's Ear

THIS SUCKS!!!  I have not slept at all last night.  My ear is killing me.  I am pretty sure it is swimmer's ear. I have been swimming alot this past week so it makes sense.  The pain hit yesterday afternoon and with it being the 4th, my only option would have been to go to the emergency room, so I toughed it out!  It is 7:30 AM and I am heading to the doc right now.  Wish me luck!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What was the Downgrade?

If She's the upgrade, what was the original?  

I Like This Baby!

Guess Which Couple is Married

This is too easy!!!

Inside The Park Home a Bunt?

You don't see this everyday.  USA was playing Australia in the 2012 World Cup of Softball championship game when Team USA player Michelle Moultrie laid down a 5 foot bunt and turned it into an inside the park home run.  The USA won the game 3-0.  

Of course the 4 base error thrown helped out a little!

Our Favorite Songs - "4th of July" by Shooter Jennings

Remember Yesterday, we brought you Our Favorite Songs that should be played at Every 4th of July Party and BBQ today!  But we left out our favorite.  I guess we are a big tease!

Here it is!  Our #1 4th of July Song!  It is appropriately entitled "4th of July" and is sung by Shooter Jennings.  I love this song! Shooter is the late, Great Waylon Jennings' son.  I have seen him (Both Shooter and Waylon as a matter of fact) in concert and he puts on a great show!  Enjoy the video and Happy July 4th!!!

Our Favorite Bikinis - 4th of July Patriotic Edition

Happy Independence Day America!  To help Celebrate, we are posting some of the hottest ladies in Patriotic Bikini-wear!  Enjoy!

--Enrique Santos

Check Out All of Our Favorite Bikinis

Winning Euro 2012 Final 4-0, Spanish Goalie Iker Casillas Asks Ref to "Respect Italy"

Spain is once again Champions of Europe, having won the 2012 European cup.  They have now one three major tournaments in a row: 2008 and 2012 European Cup and the 2010 World Cup.  I don't think anyone can argue that they are one of the best national sides in the world, ever!

Sunday, Spain beat Italy 4-0 to win the Cup.  It was pretty one-sided and Italy never really looked comfortable playing Spain.  It was actually down-right ugly.  Near the end, Spain Goalie Iker Casillas was asking the Ref to blow the whistle early "out of respect for Italy."

My guess is that he really wanted to get out of there and start partying with his Hottie Wife Sara Carbonero!

Jimi Hendrix - Star Spangled Banner

Because it is July 4th, Independence Day, I figure it would be appropriate to post the video of Jimi Hendrix playing the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock in 1969.

Happy 4th of July!!!

It is going to be Hot as Hell!  My plan - Stay inside and rest, then grill some burgers and then watch the fireworks tonight. Oh yeah, I will probably consume large amounts of beer and/or Jack Daniels!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

BBC Releases Promo Commercial for 2012 Summer Olympics

The BBC unveiled the title sequence and marketing campaign for the London 2012 Olympic Games during half-time of the Euro 2012 final. Pretty Cool!

Terrifying Tuesdays!!!! - Most Terrifying Women in the Movies

Scary Women in movies, also know as Femme Fatales. This Terrifying Tuesday is dedicated to the scariest Femme Fatales that have ever hit the Big screen. Feel free to add any actresses that I missed in your comments.

7. Juliette Lewis -- Natural Born Killer

If I ever make a list of the "most badass women of all-time" she would have to be near the top. I would hate to meet her in a restaurant, or anywhere for that matter.

6. Jennifer Jason Leigh -- Single White Female

She goes from Shy to Psycho with amazing speed.

5. Piper Laurie - Carrie

Forget Sissy Spacek as Carrie. Her mom was the crazy scary psycho!!!

Piper Laurie plays Margaret White, a pathologically religious woman who uses religion to control her crazy telekinetic daughter Carrie

4. Rebecca De Mornay -- The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

De Mornay is a nanny that wants to destroy a family and take the kid she cares for as her own. Every Parents' worst nightmare.

3. Glenn Close -- Fatal Attraction

Every Man's nightmare!!!! This woman is the picture definition of a female stalker.

2. Linda Blair -- The Exorcist

Could Be #1, but her character is a little over the top. The vomit scene and the head-spinning was crazy!!!

1. Kathy Bates -- Misery

Great Movie in which Bates plays one of the most disturbing characters ever. I remember seeing an interview in which she said that she took adrenaline shots before some scenes to give her a "jittery" look. It sure did work. When she "Hobbled" James Caan, I cringed. That scene can never be erased from my memory.

Honorable Mention:

John Travolta in Hairspray -- John Travolta dressed as a woman is a terrifying sight.

Ever Wondered What Fireworks Look Like From Above?

Wonder no Longer! This is a GoPro camera attached to a balloon high above a fireworks display.

Now when you are watching those fireworks tomorrow night, you can tell everyone around you that you've seen the Bird's Eye View as well!

The Hypocritical Facebook User

This is so True.  I have a friend and all she does is complain about how all of her friends (Excluding me) bitch and complain about relationships, their friends, jobs, and life in general on Facebook.  I saw her this evening and we got on her facebook page and I found no less than 7 posts in the last 10 days in which she is complaining about something (Most often her job and her parents who want her to get married before she is 30...she still has a year and 3 months).

OOPS!  I bet she bitches, whines and complains that I just let everyone know her real age on this blog!  Oh Well!!!  Sorry Suzanne.

OOPS, know everyone know which friend I am talking about.  Our inner circle of friends will know it is you.  I could go back and delete your age and name, but I owe you one Suzanne!  I know you will forgive me in a week or two.

Our Favorite Songs - Patriotic songs for July 4th

Tomorrow is Independence Day here in the States, so I thought we would post a few "Must Have" songs in your playlists for tomorrow!  Enjoy!

"Born in the USA" - Bruce Springsteen

"American Woman" - Lenny Kravitz

"America' - Neil Diamond

"America" - Waylon Jennings

"Livin' In America" - James Brown

"American Soldier" - Toby Keith


I am sure there are many, many others that deserve to be on the list.  Feel free to add any songs I left out in the comments!  Thanks!

And I am saving the best for tomorrow.  Be sure to check out the blog tomorrow to see the All-Time best 4th of July Song!  (Hint - The singer of the song is the son of one of the singers on this post)

I am Outdoorsy!

Innovative Parenting!

I Went to Work Out...While Drunk!

I met some friends for a late lunch yesterday.  We were at Baby A's.  It was around 2 PM and we had a few Margaritas and beers.  That few led to a few more and so on.  By the time we left, it was almost 5 PM and I had had at least three margaritas and a four beers. I was feeling pretty damn good!!!  Now my normal routine is to hit the gym around 5 PM.  So what did I do...I decided to stay on my normal routine.  I went home, changed and drove to the gym.  I got there at about 5:30, ready for my drunken workout!  Here are a few things that I learned while working out after drinking huge amounts of alcohol:

1. Do Not attempt to lift as much weight as you normally would.   After drinking, my equillibrium was way off!   While attempting some incline dumbbell presses, I just about tipped over a few times (OK, OK maybe it was more like 6 or 7 times.)  

2. I am normally a pretty social guy and I talk to everyone at the gym.  I learned that I should probably keep the small talk to a minimum while doing a drunk work-out.  I had forgotten my gym card, so the hottie at the front desk had to pull me up in the system with my driver's license.  There was something wrong with my info as she showed me that they had me down as being born in 1930!  I said something to the effect as "Man, World War I was a pain in the ass!"  She said that the war was over by 1930 (She was Smart and a Hottie!) so I corrected my self and said "Damn, I meant WW II!"  Of course, that hadn't started yet.  Then I said, "You have brains and a body, you are the perfect woman!"  She just laughed, shook her head and let me in.  I think she likes me!!!!

3. Don't sing along to your iPod songs while drunk!  You may think you are a great singer, but you probably aren't.  And you are probably worse when you are drunk!  I had 2 people ask me if I could stop the singing.  OUCH!!!  

The good news, I didn't hurt or kill myself and I actually feel like I had a pretty good workout!  

--Enrique Santos

Monday, July 2, 2012

This Roadside Attraction is Gonna Cause an Accident

Remember I have already posted a couple of pics that have a high probability of causing an accident.  There was the girl in the car and the topless girl on the bridge.  Now here is another accident waiting to happen...

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