Saturday, July 14, 2012

Cop Dies Having Sex -- Not in Shape

Found this nearly unbelievable news story,  WOW!!!!  

It appears that an Atlanta cop died of a heart attack while having 3-way sex with another man and some lovely (or maybe slutty, or both) lady. The guy dies and his estate was awarded 3 million dollars because a doctor, who knew of his condition, did not warn him not to engage in strenuous activities, such as joining in with a buddy to have some hot three-way action with a woman who is not even your wife!

I don't know about you, but I would feel safer if I knew that the police officers out there keeping me safe are able to run after criminals on foot, engage in high stress car chases, and 3-way some woman with a buddy. If he can't do all of those, if he's just okay cardiovascular-he can have normal 2-way sex but no porn star like sex, then maybe he should be behind a desk somewhere while the real 3-way cops are out there busting their asses to keep our streets safe and our women double penetrated.

Just sayin'...

The 2012 London Olympics Website Only Wants Us to Say Nice Things!

This is just plain Stupid! And it is right from the London 2012 Olympics Website:

5. Linking policy

a. Links to the Site. You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner. The use of our logo or any other Olympic or London 2012 Mark(s) as a link to the Site is not permitted.

So let me get this straight... If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all, right? You want only positive comments about the Olympics, no negativity. That takes away 95% of what will be written about the 2012 Olympics. We will be left with some boring shit!

Timothy Burke of Deadspin sums it up:
That's right, they're declaring it illegal to, say, claim the London Olympics shit on the concept of free speech. Or to say the London Olympics engage in bullshit catering to mega-corporations while telling small businesses to fuck off. And you definitely shouldn't say the London Olympics have led people to fear for their lives as military missile installations are placed on their roof.
As usual, the Olympic organizers continue to let their asshattery get in the way of celebrating the achievements of the athletes a billion people will tune in to watch. And so, we say, fuck you.
And by the way, I still think those two mascots, Wenlock and Mandeville, you have for these games are stupid!

A Video of Pet Peeves

Which one do you hate the most?

Interesting Venn Diagram - Bikes, Thongs, Low-Cut Pants and Accidents

100 Words You Can Say Instead of Swag

Damn You Justin Bieber!!!!!!!  Swag was dead until you brought back that word!

The Football Movie All Pro Team

Everyone loves an All-Pro team. There is always alot of debating about who should and shouldn't be on an All Pro team. My friends and I got to talking about football movies awhile back and we came up with an All Pro team consisting of the best players from past football movies. Now keep in mind our roster is filled with players ranging from High School to the Pro’s. The only criteria to make our squad is that you were the best of the best at whatever level you played (Movie wise).

(Quarterback is easily the most competitive position in Movie Football land. The majority of Football movies feature the lead actor as the quarterback, so this was a tough one. A football team can only have one starter and there was much debate on this. Let's look at the candidates and then present our consensus pick.)

Reno Hightower (Best of Times)

The legend of Reno Hightower. How many passes did Reno throw back in the City Championship? I love the thought of having a QB that simply needs to throw on a pair of white spikes to ignite the entire team. Reno single handedly defeated Bakersfield in the biggest game of his life. He proved he can handle bad weather, take a beating, and that he is a natural leader. He is the type of guy that others will follow into battle. Despite the fact he is the star he will also sit down and chug a few beers with you. He sort of reminds me of Bret Favre.

Joe Kane (The Program)

Joe Kane clearly has all the talent in the world. He was recruited to play big time college football at ESU and is a Heisman caliber QB. But his drinking and confidence problems are major concerns. I can’t have my QB missing games because he is scared to fail. If Kane’s daddy doesn’t show up to one of our games, I can’t be worried that my QB is going to have a mental breakdown.

Paul Crewe (The Longest Yard)

How can you not like the guy who finally knocked off the prison guards? Without Crewe, the Mean Machine would have had no chance. I also like the fact he can run and throw. Crewe had one of the greatest two yard plunges in the history of football to win the final game. He had zero blocking on that play. The big question with Crewe is what is he doing in jail? Does he have a serious character flaw that we don’t know about? Also, it’s tough to overlook the fact that he was actually trying to throw the prison game in the second half. Regardless, I like his moxie. Crewe may be the best leader of any of the QB’s on this list.

Bird (Wildcats)

Truly a great athlete. Bird reminds me a lot of a young Michael Vick. But I don’t like the fact that you need to beg him to play. I want a QB that loves the game.

David Greene (School Ties)

How can you not like David Greene? His fairy prep school couldn’t beat St. Luke’s for the life of them until Greene arrived on the scene. He is also a born leader. Chicks dig him and guys want to be him. At least until they find out that’s he’s Jewish. Luckily for Greene, religion doesn’t play a factor in our evaluation process. I also love his attitude. If we need a Barstool Sports representative to stand out in the pouring rain and challenge the Boston Sports Review to a fight, Greene is our man. So while his courage can’t be questioned, his throwing mechanics can. He makes Philip Rivers look like Peyton Manning. Therefore, Greene would be a real project if we offered him a contract. I love his attitude though.

Willie Beamon (Any Given Sunday)

Another very talented QB. But we don’t want punks on our team and Beamon is a punk.

John Moxley (Varsity Blues)

Here is another QB that doesn’t like playing the game of football. Moxley wants to be a poet or something. We need our QB to spend hours in the film room breaking down film. We need him to live, breathe and sleep football. Also, I can’t have my starting QB going out and getting everybody wasted the day before a game. This type of behavior is simply unacceptable. Also, who turns down that chick with the whipped cream all over her? Is he gay? Even though it shouldn’t matter, I just know my guys won’t want to follow a gay QB into battle.

Johnny Walker (Johnny be Good)

Johnny Walker has some Jim McMahon in him. He clearly walks to the beat of his own drummer. But the question I have with Johnny is success going to get to his head? He may be just a bit too immature for the job.

In the end, we’ve got to go with Reno Hightower as our starting QB. It’s just impossible to put into words what he did with that rag tag group of Taft Rockets. I love his leadership. I love his field awareness and I love those white cleats.

Offensive Line
So who are we going to have to protect Reno? Well I think we’ve assembled a heck of an offensive line. Here are the five guys who will be doing the dirty work for us.

Manumana (Necessery Roughness)

This is the type of Offensive Lineman that we scoured the country for. Manumana takes it as a personal challenge to make sure that his QB is safe. Reno Hightower isn’t the most mobile QB ever to come down the pike so we’ve got to make sure his backside is protected at all times and Manumana is just the man to do it.

Jamal and Andre Jackson (The Replacements)

I like having brothers on the offensive line. (By brothers I don’t mean black guys, but actual siblings.) Everybody knows that the key to a good offensive line is to have guys who know each other and can anticipate each other’s moves. Well what can beat having two huge fat siblings anchoring the offensive line. I also like the edge that the Jacksons bring to the team. As former bodyguards they always carry guns and other weapons around with them, which is a good thing. We want to send the message that we’re going to run the ball right down your face and carrying guns helps send that message.

Billy Bob (Varsity Blues)

I want an absolute monster at center. But he’s got to have a little athletic ability and I think Billy Bob is that guy. Despite how fat he is Billy Bob was able to rumble for a TD at the end of Varsity Blues. I also love his attitude. Billy Bobs’ entire life revolves around football. I don’t blame him at all for getting drunk before the big game. He was just following his QB. He is a soldier that just follows orders.

Matteus (Rudy)

This is the guy who started chanting Rudy, Rudy, Rudy on the sidelines of Rudy’s final game. Again with offensive lineman you just want guys who are willing to sacrifice for the great goal of the team. Matteus turned in his shirt so Rudy could dress. What bigger sacrifice is there than that? Also, the guy is an absolute monster. As a side note, Rudy did not make this squad. There is no place for annoying runts who are going to hang out at Barstool Sports “U” 20 years after they graduated.

Running Backs

Billy Cole (The Last Boy Scout)

Oh wait a minute, didn’t he shoot somebody in the middle of one of his carries? I guess we can scratch him off the list.

Darnell Jefferson (The Program)

“Darnell Jefferson, starting tailback.” Sure, he’s a bit cocky and arrogant, but you need that out of your tailback. Also, it seems like he fixed his fumbling problem. It’s also a major plus to have Halle Berry hanging around the team.

Johnny O (Best of Times)

Listen, I know that Johnny O busted his knee during a TD celebration at the end of the first half against Taft, but I’ve got to give him a shot. Did everybody see his first half performance? Every two seconds the PA announcer was saying “Touchdown Johnny O”, “Touchdown Johnny O”. Just the thought of having Reno Hightower and Johnny O in the same lineup gives me the chills.

Grey Ghost (Everybody’s All American)

The only problem with the Ghost is that he is 107 years old. However, he was just too good to keep off this team.


Rod Tidwell (Jerry Mcguire)
The first thing I’m going to tell Tidwell when he comes to camp is that I don’t care whether he talks to the media, whether he celebrates, whether he is nice to the other players just as long as he makes plays. In fact, I’ll make him the highest paid player in the game, but he’s only getting one year contracts. I feel like he may go to bed on me if I give him a multi year deal.

Tweeter (Varsity Blues)
Here is another guy that has no regard for his body. Tweeter is just one of those football meatheads. He’s the kind of guy that picks on nerds and stuff like that. With Tweeter and Tidwell I’m going to be able to throw across the middle with no fear of my WR’s getting alligator arms.

Jack Dundee (Best of Times)
Don’t worry, Dundee won’t sniff the field, but he’s still a very valuable guy to have on the squad. Dundee will be the coach’s pet. He will be given the assignment of motivating the rest of the team through devious tactics every week. Instead of dressing up as a Tiger and painting people orange, maybe he’ll spray paint Boston Sports Review all over a few of our newsracks.


Lucy Draper (Necessery Roughness)
A.K.A Kathy Ireland. Not lots of competition in this category. It was between Lucy and Nigel “the leg” Gruff. Both proved they can make clutch kicks but Lucy gets the edge because we needed a hot chick to put on the cover of the paper. Life’s not always fair.


Defensive Line

Latimer on ‘roids – The Program
We’re not out to win the Nobel peace prize. We’re out to win football games. I don’t care whether you do drugs or steroids just as long as you are ready to go on Sundays.

Finch (Wildcats)
The new rage in football is to have gigantic fat guys play nose guard to clog up the middle. Finch is just the man to do it. There is no way that he can be moved. Furthermore he can be the team bookie. That seems right up his alley.

Julias Cambell (Remember the Titans)
Julias has tons of natural talent and is the ideal guy to put some heat on the opposing QB from his Defensive End position. I also have the perfect motivational tactic planned for him. I will have Jack Dundee silently put pictures of his buddy who got maimed on his locker before every game.

Andre Krimm (Necessery Roughness)
Who is Andre Krimm you ask? It’s none other than Sinbad. I’m not sure what Sinbad is doing wasting away on Texas State Armadillos. He seems like a pretty good player. And luckily for him we have a lack of depth on the offensive line. I just hope he doesn’t wear any of that wacky clothing around the locker room because it could give me color blindness.


Bobby Boucher – Waterboy
What can’t Bobby Boucher do? I’m always a sucker for the guys who single handedly take teams that haven’t won a game in years and carry them on their back to national prominence. Despite the fact that the movie sucked, there was no other choice for our middle linebacker. And once again Jack Dundee will play a pivotal role in getting Boucher in the right frame of mind before kickoff.

Alvin Mack – The Program
Yes, we are concerned about that career-ending knee injury that he may have suffered, but we hear he has been in rehab with Johnny O all off-season. And I could have sworn I saw him club boxing in Diggstown after the injury so I think he’ll be okay. I just love the intensity that Mack plays with. While Joe Kane was getting all the headlines at ESU I feel like it was really Mack’s team.

Stef – All The Right Moves
It wouldn’t be a football team if we didn’t have a hard-nosed coal miner from West Virginia or Pennsylvania or wherever Stef is from. He’s not going to be the most talented guy on the field, but he’s a perfect compliment to Mack and Boucher. I’m also going to have to give Steve Grogan a call and find out where to order some extra large cowboy collars because both Boucher and Stef wear big ones.


Dr. Death (Best of Times)
Sure, Jack Dundee beat him on the last play of the Taft vs. Bakersfield game, but what about all the plays before that? Dr. Death was pummeling all the Taft WR’s. They couldn’t even get off the line of scrimmage. He was intimidating and dominating everybody. And don’t worry, we’ll coach him up so he doesn’t fall for that “I’m pretty fast for a white guy” routine anymore.

"I'm Batman"

If Mario Were a Girl...

The Game Would Be Much Better!

--Enrique Santos

Friday, July 13, 2012

National Geographic Makes Her Horny

I pray to God that she has some type of porn mag or Brad Pitt Pics inside that National Geographic Atlas.  If she doesn't, this is a little disturbing!

Ice Age 4

Who's going to see this one over the weekend?  I have seen the first three and I think I am heading out to see #4 tomorrow.  My kids are excited.  I usually can't stand going to animated movies, but I am actually looking forward to this one.

Obama Parody "My Name's Obama"

Another Hilarious Barack Obama Parody Music Video. "My Name's Obama" Call Me Maybe Parody by Rucka Rucka Ali.

The Most Badass Office Resume of All-Time

It may not get you hired, but who cares!  If you are this BADASS, then you probably didn't need the job in the first place.

OOOPS!!! Dave Letterman Spoils The New Batman Movie Ending!

The rumors have been out there and many have said that the ending to the upcoming Batman movie is "One of the worst kept secrets in comic book movie history."  Now it appears that David Letterman has confirmed what many had speculated all along.

Why was it the worst kept secret? Just use Google and search for “Bane Batman” and you’ll see why.

You can tell that Letterman’s slip was really an accident. He had no intention of giving it away.  He’s describing the excitement people feel when a movie trilogy finishes and he just accidentally spoils the ending. He knew he let it slip and he tried to cover it.

Dinosaur Sex

Want to know how Dinosaurs had sex? I thought you did!  Check it out here, via The Huffington Post.
They even have a slide show!

Happy Friday the 13th!

Bologna Dinner at a Restaurant

A Bologna Dinner at a restaurant?  Two grilled pieces of bologna.  AT least it is Maple Leaf Bologna, whatever that is.  And look at the price!!! $10.50!!!  My God!  That better be the best Bologna ever. I can buy a pack of Oscar Meyer Bologna at the grocery store for like $3.  The pack at the store has something like 50 slices and it is pretty tasty. 

The Life of Ronald McDonald

A Ronald McDonald documentary

Free Advice Fridays -- Wanna be a Millionaire???

YES!!!  I got a legit email asking for advice.  The email read:

Hey Madman,
How can I make a million dollars fast.  I am already sick of college ( I am a junior at Iowa) and I just want to get on to the fun stuff in life.  In order to do that, I need $$$.  Any advice will be appreciated!!

Jay in Hawkeyeland

Well Jay,  No problem.  I have some ideas for you.  Of course, I am not a millionaire myself and probably never will be, but I do have some great ideas!!

1.  Don't drop out or do anything drastic.  Stay in school.  I would get the heck out of Iowa City.  I don't know too many millionaires that come from University of Iowa.  Most of the U of I graduates go on to be liberal college professors that hold up protest signs at political rallys for Obama.  Anyway, go where the $$$ is.  UCLA, USC, Harvard, Georgetown, University of Texas (the Bush twins went there), and Colorado are the places to be.

2.  Take some business classes at one of these schools.  Work on networking!!!   Would you rather graduate with an A and get a job as a manager of an Office Depot or get a C, but be best buddies with Bill Gates' son and ride your buddies coattails to a nice entry level job at Microsoft?

3.  If you are a computer wiz, use your knowledge.  Create some cool new application for a blackberry or facebook, get it licensed and market it, then you are set.  I read somewhere that a guy that developed an IPhone App made about $40,000 a day for about 3 months.  Now, he is "only" making about $1,000 a day.  Hell, That dude made more $$ in day than I make in a whole year!!!

4.  DO NOT BECOME A TEACHER!!!!!  If you want to be a millionaire, kiss the teaching profession goodbye.

5.  Get hit by a car driven by a star and then SUE!!!  Better yet, hang around Hollywood night clubs and look for Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan and wait for the right time to jump in front of their car.  You probably won't have to sue, they will probably offer a bunch of cash to keep it out of the papers.  (It would be a good idea to wear leather pants and jacket when you do this, keeps the road rash to a minimum.)    [Now is the time I do a quick disclaimer and say that I am really joking and you shouldn't try this.  Some idiot may actually do it and then they would sue me since I gave them the idea.  Funny Thing is that I am just a poor public school teacher with no money, so they wouldn't get much, hence they wouldn't be a millionaire, so don't sue me just do whatever, but leave me out of it, ok  -- Hope that is confusing and vague enough to prove to a court that I have no idea what I was talking about and I did not encourage dangerous behavior]

6.  Take up golf and practice!!!!!  You won't be a Tiger Woods, but the 210th ranked golfer in the world takes home over $100,000 a year.  Why was I a teacher again????

7. Start painting portraits and then meet an untimely death.  Your work will be worth a ton -- Oh, wait, guess that won't make you a millionaire, you would be dead!!  Scratch that one.

8.  Instead of buddying up with the sons and daughters of millionaire businessmen, get to know someone in the mafia.  Ever seen the movie "Goodfellas"?

9.  Find it!!! -- Just keep your eyes open and maybe you will find something worth a million dollars.  Some lady named Teri Horton bought a painting at a thrift store for $5 and it is now believed that it is a Jackson Pollock painting worth upwards of $50 million. 

Somebody bought what looked like an old copy of the Declaration of Independence.  He set it aside for years.  A friend came over and told him to have it looked at.  It could be a legit copy.  It was and it sold at an auction for $1 million (There were numerous copies of the Declaration made at the same time as the original.  They did not have signatures.  There are still several copies unaccounted for.)

I know when we took a family trip to Colorado, we kept our eyes open for gold nuggets.  You never know.  Several people have found sizable nuggets worth over $100,000 dollars in the Rockies. 

So there you have it!!!  Several ways that you can make a Million Bucks fairly fast (except #7, unless you want to leave it for a spouse or kids).  Jay, let me know if any of these methods work for you.  If they do, keep me in mind as the guy that put you on the road to riches and cut me my fair share (at least 25%)

Good Luck!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Werid Darth Vader Commercial from Hungary - Darth Vader Gets a Lapdance!

Darth Vader és az ikrek támadása = Darth Vader and the twins attack. Title makes sense. What Hungarian product this is for? No idea.

Coca Cola's Olympic Gymnast Can Really is a Stripper

--Enrique Santos

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West - The Future

A Buddy sent me this pic of what the couple will look like in a few years.  As if Kim's Booty could get any bigger!!!  LOL!

After seeing the Jessica Simpson pics, this may not be too far off.

The Los Angeles Angels = The The Angels Angels

Yes, it bothers me!!!

Real Mexican Food!

Yes, this is another Guest Blogger.  This artcle was sent to me by Susan Jenkins, a teacher from Chicago who has been teaching in Monterrey. She writes about Real Mexican Food.  I can vouch for her since I lived in Mexico for 7 years!   Enjoy the article. 

Most of us refer to fajitas, tacos and guacamole as Mexican food. In every North American city, you’ll find tex-mex restaurants- restaurants claiming they offer Mexican food but let me tell you, it’s far from being authentic. Then you have those higher scale restaurants where you pay $20 for tamales. Yes, the tamales taste ok, but tamales for $20? They are nuts!
When spending 5 months in Mexico, I must admit that the best part of it all was the culinary experience. Of course, the art, the history, the culture were also a very interesting aspect of my experience in Mexico, but my favorite part of it all was nothing more than EATING! Mexican cuisine is filled with tasty and colorful spices which result in a wonderful experience for your taste buds!


Although tamales were born in Mexico, thegy are now a popular dish all over Central America. Tamale is a starchy corn-based dough wrapped in plantain leafs. There are over a thousand different recipes. The salty tamales include different types of meat in the corn mix (chicken, pork, etc) whereas the sweet tamales will contain dried fruits or raisins. They can be served as a snack or as a meal (along with mole sauce or frijoles).  


Pozole is a traditional soup or stew corn-based stew from Mexico. Every region in Mexico has its own way of preparing the dish. You’ll find different types of meats (chicken, pork, turkey), sardines and/or chili powder. it’s normally served with tortillas, as most other Mexican dishes. You cannot leave Mexico without trying pozole. It’s very tasty!


Nopales are the leaf of the nopal cactus. Once the spines are carefully removed, they are cooked and served with a main course meal.  You should definitely try it next time you find yourself in Mexico.

Tacos al pastor

So what do Mexicans eat after a night out dancing? Yes! Tacos al pastor from a stand in the street. They are tacos filled with pork and served on a flour tortilla. Really delicious!

Chile Relleno

Growing up, my mom would often make stuffed peppers and I was never a fan of it… until I ate Chile Relleno, the equivalent of stuffed chile) in Mexico! It’s basically a chili pepper pepper filled with meat and cheese. Then it’s fried in an egg bater or corn masa flour. It’s then served with a sauce (tomato or any type of mole sauce).

Mango con Chile

When I first arrived in Mexico, I wasn’t accustomed to eating very spicy. But my taste buds quickly adapted to the chili used in almost every Mexican dish. But not only were they used in dishes, they were also sprinkled on fruits! Mango with chile is a real treat! Do it at home… Buy real Mexican chili (in powder) and sprinkle it on your mango. YUM!

Seinfeld Predicted Facebook in the 90's

I saw a rerun of an old Seinfeld episode last night.  The monologue he did was as if he was predicting Facebook.  Check it out:

It is like Jerry was a prophet.  He was talking about voicemail boxes on phones but it can be directly related to Facebook.  Think about it...What better way for "people who hated each other to keep in touch."

Even the little red light he talks about on your answering machine is now a little red number on the corner of your facebook page. “People like me!” you think as you see it, but then you click it and someone has just written on the wall for some event you were mass invited to or it is someone asking you to "Like" their friends page (If that page is Ramblings of a Semi-Madman, please like it!)

10 Things that Made Tim Tebow Cry

I received this email from a friend of mine and I had to post it.  Hilarious.  Not sure who came up with this first, but Kudos to you!!!

By now if you care at all about college football, or if you know someone who does, or if you’ve been within two miles of a sports bar, you’ve heard that Florida QB Tim Tebow cried after losing the SEC Championship game to Alabama. What you may not know is that this isn’t the first time Tebow has done such a thing. Put on your commemorative JOHN 11:35 eyeblack and read on!

October 31, 2009 – After breaking Herschel Walker’s SEC touchdown record, Tebow cried while hugging Walker at a post-game conference.

March 22, 1998 – The Tebow family dog, Banjo, ran into traffic and was hit by an oncoming car. A ten year old Tim cried in the middle of the street until the Tebows took Banjo to a local veterinarian, where the dog was treated and eventually released alive and well. No report on whether Tebow cried upon Banjo’s return to the family.

August 17, 2002 – The sun rose over the majestic Grand Teton mountains. Meanwhile, Tim Tebow was hit in the testicle by a stray golf ball.

November 17, 2003 – Tim Tebow tearfully accepted Jesus Christ as his personal lord and savior in front of a crowd at a Jacksonville, Florida church.

April 4, 2003 – While standing by the side of the road, Tebow witnessed a car drive pass and throw a candy wrapper carelessly out the window. A single tear made its way down his craggy Native American cheek.

August 19, 2006 – Somebody called him "Teboner."

July 22, 2008 – Following a heated argument with his girlfriend over the future of their relationship and his potential career in the NFL, Tebow reportedly met with Gators coach Urban Meyer in a Gainesville, Florida Steak ‘N’ Shake, where witnesses claim Tebow “buried his face in Coach Meyer’s shoulder and sobbed.”

December 6, 2009 – In the wee hours of the night following the Florida Gators’ disappointing loss, Tebow was further distressed when University of Florida medical school faculty informed him that his tears could not, in fact, cure all the AIDS in Africa.

December 25, 1996 – No Nintendo Sixty-FOOOOOOOUUUUUUR?

August 14, 1987 – Hours after his rocketship crashed on the planet Earth, young Tim Tebow opened his eyes in a crowded Manila marketplace and cried his first feeble tears, as if he somehow knew that he would never set foot on the soil of his native Krypton, nor ever see his true parents, Lara and Jor-El, ever again.

World's Fattest Woman Uses SEX to Lose Weight

Yes, you read the title to the post correctly!  Californian Pauline Potter was named the World's Heaviest Woman last year by The Guiness Book of World Records.  Since then, she has lost over 100 lbs.  HOW?  By Having marathon sex sessions with her ex-husband.  That's Right!  Click here to read the article!

Taco Bell Vs. Old Spice

Watch Out!  Looks like these two are starting a Twitter War!!!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Cosby Show -- Looking Back

I grew up with the Cosby Show.  We used to watch it every week and we would watch the reruns.  Loved that show.  I saw a rerun last week and I got to thinking about how realistic the show was, but also how UNREALISTIC it was. 

Some things I have been thinking about:
The fact that Claire Huxtable was in her early forties and had a successful law career doesn’t make sense. She had five kids: Sandra, Denise, Theo, Vanessa, and Rudy. Sandra was in college when the show started. Let’s say she was in her first year of school for arguments sake. That means if Claire, who we assume was 40 at the start of the show, was 22 when she had her. Which would delay her at least a semester to a year from taking classes. Then Denise was born 2-3 years later which would delay her again for almost a year. Then Theo was born within a year or two after that… Then Vanessa within another year after the birth of Theo. Looking at this I see the age breaking down like this.

22- Sandra was born (Claire in her final year of undergrad)
23- Claire finishes her undergrad
24- start of law school
25- Denise was born
26-second year of law school
27-Theo was born
28-third year of law school
29-Vanessa born
30-Forth year of law school  (so at this point Claire has four kids and she is going to law school and then studying for the bar all while Cliff is finishing med school and starting his medical career)

That is impossible!!! How could anyone do this?  Did they live with Cliff’s or Claire’s parents because there is no way there would be anyone around to care for the kids?  And if they were going to Law School and Med School, they couldn't afford a nanny.  They would be paying student loans off forever.  I mean how many families that would be in debt up to their eyeballs for a ton of years with student loans even think about having that many kids?  Show me a family in the US that has a similar timeline?  I doubt you can find one.  Thinking about this unrealistic scenario is driving me nuts.  Obviously I didn't recognize it when I was originally watching the show because I was in Middle School and had no clue how long law school took. 

This kind of ruins my whole perception of the show.  I loved it because it looked like it could be any middle class American family.  Now, my whole belief of this being a realistic show is shot!!!

A Scientology Buddy Action Comedy!!!!

With all the Tom Cruise/Scientology Crap in the news (And don't forget John Travolta and his crossdressing shit) I decided to repost something I wrote for my old blog in 2009.  Enjoy!

I was watching one of those entertainment shows -- ET or Inside Edition, something like that -- and they reported that L. Ron Hubbard's Favorite Son, Tom Cruise, wants to redo the classic "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" with John Travolta. I take it Tom would play Newman's Butch since he was shorter.

Could you imagine all of the hidden messages they would put into the movie. Maybe we will find out that Butch and the Kid were reincarnated aliens sent to Earth and their journey to Bolivia was their "Bridge to Total Freedom" or whatever they call their enlightenment.

I pray that Hollywood nixes this idea. I do not think the world could handle a Scientology buddy action comedy.

Jessica Simpson Turned 32 Yesterday - WOW! What Happened?

One time hottie Jessica Simpson turned 32 years old yesterday.  I remember when she was super-hot!  She peaked right around the time she was shooting the movie "Dukes of Hazzard".  Damn, she looked good!  See for yourself:

Man how time changes a body!  Look at her last week.  

What happened Jessica?  Can we have the old Jessica back?  At least she was wearing workout clothes.  I know she recently had a baby and I am hoping that is just the post-partem weight that will eventually work itself off.  I HOPE! While we wait for her to get back into shape, here is that Sexy Car Wash Video she did during her Dukes of Hazzard Heyday.  The General Lee never looked cleaner!

Want to Smell Like Justin Bieber?

All you have to do is buy Selena Gomez's new perfume.  I am sure that is what Justin smells like since he is always suckin' up to her and cuddling with her.  Seriously Selena, you could do sooo much better!  I have a cousin I could hook you up with!

--Enrique Santos

Now This is a Christian Car!

Took this pic of an Ultra-Christian Van in Des Moines.  I took it a couple of years ago and had posted it on another blog.  It was an Ohio car.  Maybe there was a huge Christian convention in town during that week because I saw several cars that were plastered with similar bumper stickers.  Either that or Des Moines is the new Conservative Christian Place to Be!  I always thought Des Moines was turning more toward the Pagan side if you asked me.

It was missing the little fish symbol though :(

This Make Sense...

Bad Tattoos - Baby Holding a ...

Please someone back me up here.  I don't want to be the only perv out there.  Look at this tat.  Now tell me what you thought the fingers were holding when you first saw it (Hopefully, you didn't read the writing first).

To me, it totally looked like a little hand stroking a penis!  Please tell me I am not the only one.  Why would you get that tattoo and on the inside of your forearm where everyone can see it!!  At least make the finger look more like a finger, or add a hand or something. This looks way too much like strokin' the sausage to me!!!

I Love Summer!

And This is Why...
Taken at South Padre Island about 10 minutes ago!
--Enrique Santos

Meaningless Encounters with Celebrities - Russell Means

One of our regular features here on this blog is a series of posts called "Meaningless Encounters with Celebrities"  So far, we have posted two of them:

Here is the Third installment in the series:
Celebrity:  Russell Means (AIM Leader and actor in "Last of the Mohicans and several other movies)
Place:  Rapid City, SD
When:  June 1999

Cool Guy!!  I met him at a Lakota Sioux festival in Rapid City.  I was standing in line for a drink and he got in line behind me.  We talked for about 5 minutes about Pine Ridge, Wounded Knee, and Indian Rights in general.  He was a very interesting guy with a strong presence.  Many Native Americans look up to him as a true leader. 

On the other hand, he is also very controversial.  After I talked to him, several of my Native American friends were surprised I had talked to him.  They called him a "Whacko" and a "Killer".  It actually striked up a pretty heated debate within the group I was in.  Not too many people bring about this type of reaction.

What Should You Do If You Find an Atheist?

LOL!!!  Seriously...

Bra and Panties

I check my email this morning and a reader sent me one with the title "My Bra and Panties".  Of course I thought it was a self pic for our series of posts entitled "Our Readers".  I open the email and this is the pic!  Sent to us by Lori Grandon of Salem, Oregon.  Thanks Lori!  You totally caught me by surprise.  Any chance we can get a pic with you wearing these?  

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Kiddie Playas and Dora the Explorer

Our Readers - We Love You all! Pictures from No Bra Day

Yesterday, we posted that it was National No Bra Day.  In the post, we asked for our readers to send their pictures of how they celebrated National No Bra Day.  Of course, we were hoping for some ladies to send in some pics...and they did!  WOW!!!  You guys are great.

This is Lexi!  She hails from Florida and said she spent the whole day out in the park, sans bra.  She even went skinny dipping!  Where are the pictures from skinny dipping Lexi?  

And this is Cindy showing her Hand Boob.  Cindy is a reader up in Calgary, Canada.  Thanks Cindy!

--Enrique Santos

The Manliest Burger Ever?

You Be The Judge!!!

Terrifying Tuesdays - Hair Dress!

WTF is that dress?  She looks like she is either:

A.  a mass murderer who uses the hair of her victims to make dresses 
B.  a hair stylist showing off weaves to potential customers
C. breastfeeding the two ladies that used to be with Beyonce in Destiny's Child

Let's Talk About Threesomes

On Saturday I went out drinking with a medium-sized group of friends (There were 7 of us in total, so some may consider that large.  To me, 10+ is large, but that is another blog post.) We hit a few of the bars down on Court Avenue.  That would be 5 bars to be specific. As the majority of conversations that I am a part of tends to do, the topic eventually turned to Sex. I don't know when that phenomenon began exactly, but as I sit here now I cannot recall any conversation I have ever had outside the presence of work or family that didn't turn to sex. Maybe there is some sort of Guiness World Record for Sex Conversations.  I need to look into that.  Anyway, I thought about this intriguing factoid a few months ago and reached one conclusion on why this occurs. Men turn the conversation to sex because they want tips and pointers from me. Who wouldn't? I have been told that I am some sort of Zen-Sex Master.  Women turn the conversation to sex because they want to bed me. Who wouldn't?  Once again, I refer to the Zen-Sex Master comments I receive.  

So someone in the group mentions threesomes.  BINGO!!!  Here we go!

Girl 1 says, "no way am I ever having a threesome!"

Girl 2: "I don't know - I don't think I would. Wait, would it be two guys or two girls?"

Girl 1: "Could be either. Which would you prefer?"

Girl 2: "It would definitely have to be two guys. I want all of the attention on me. I would feel pretty stupid laying there with nothing to do while the guy does stuff to the other girl. What would I do? Just watch?"

Girl 1: "I don't know. You wouldn't want to just sit around. You have to DO stuff."

Girl 2: "If it were two guys I might feel weird with the other guy just sitting there during the lulls in action."

Me: (Hoping to keep this conversation going for as long as possible) "You wouldn't let them both do stuff at the same time. If you know what I mean."

Girl 2: Like what?

Me: Like double penetration. . .

Girl 2: No fucking way!

Me: What about one guy downtown and one guy getting oral? (I don't know why we were using these stupid euphemisms - but we just were. I guess I didn't want to be so vulgar as to talk about double penetration using real names for body parts and what not)

Girl 2: I don't think I could concentrate on the oral.

Girl 3: I've had a threesome.

Everyone turns and stares at Sharon who has not been participating much in our sex talks, ever. She has been hanging out with us for a couple of years.  She isn't a regular, but comes out with her friend from time to time.  She rarely talks about sex.  She just listens.  Never comments.  She sometimes grins or throws in a little laugh, but that is her limit.  I don't know a whole lot about Sharon. She seem normal enough. She is good looking. She drinks moderately. She dances when appropriate, and laughs at my jokes. She is totally normal in every respect.

Girl 1: Was it two guys or two girls?

Sharon: Two guys. One was my boyfriend. The other guy was his best friend. This was about 6 years ago.

Girl 1: How did it happen. Did you seduce the friend?

Sharon: We were all drinking one night, and we all got really, really drunk. My boyfriend and I started making out and his friend kissed me too. Things just went from there.

Girl 2: So how did it work. What did the friend do while you were getting nailed by your boyfriend?

Sharon: Well I didn't offer to give him oral. They took turns.

Girl 2: Right, but what did the other guy do when he wasn't doing the nailing?

Sharon: You know, he used his hands, talked dirty - that sort of thing.

Girl 2: What do you mean "used his hands?"

Sharon: Just rubbed on us.

Girl 2: Us?

Kim: (looking a little red) On my breasts - on him - just rubbed I guess.

Girl 2: He rubbed on him? Where?

Kim: On his ass and stuff.

Girl 2: . . .

Girl 1: . . .

Everyone else: . . .

We are all in shock.  I think we were all thinking the same thing, but no one wanted to say anything.

I took a long drink of my beer, cleared my throat, and began: Your boyfriend's best friend rubbed your boyfriend's ass while he was doing you?

Sharon: I guess [She began to look a little nervous what with everyone staring at her]

Me: Your boyfriend, thrusting in and out [I make a little hip movement in my seat to emphasize my point here] and at the same time, his best friend's hand is caressing his naked ass?

Sharon: Okay, I don't want to talk about this if you guys are going to just make fun of me.

Garrett: Was there any man spanking involved?

Sharon: Come on! Stop, okay?

Me: Maybe your boyfriend had hip problems, and his friend was just spotting him to help with the thrusting.

Sharon: MATTTTT!

Me: He didn't slip in a finger in, well you know where, did he?

Sharon: Okay, I'm leaving.  I knew I shouldn't have said anything!

Me: Okay, in all seriousness. Sharon, I am going to tell you this as seriously as I can. You got seduced by two clearly bisexual men.

Sharon: Shut up. They were just in the moment.

Me: No, I have to disagree. Never, not even in the moment, do 100% straight men stroke another man's naked man ass. They have probably been getting naked with each other since high school and try to seduce each others' girlfriends every chance they get. I'd say there is a better than average chance they liquored you up and used you as a gay sex scene prop.

Sharon looked at her beer for a few seconds, then shook her head looked up at us and said, "I fucking hate you guys."

What can I say? I am all about ruining the fond threesome memories of others. However, I can say that I have now firmly made up my mind that if I have another threesome possibility I will only accept on the grounds that it is two women and not another guy with a girl. What if I am mid-thrust and I get an ass-rub? I have to think it would throw off my rhythm at the very least and it could possibly be an erection ender.

Then again, who couldn't use a good ass rub and some dirty talk during mid-deed?  As long as the rubbing and talking is being done by another woman!

Madonna's Daughter Lourdes Wearing a Cone Bra

Here is a picture of 15-year-old Lourdes Leon, Madonna's daughter, wearing a cone bra. The photo was shared by the @MaterialGirl clothing line Twitter account. I was fortunate enough to download it to my computer the first time I saw it. I went back to the twitter page the next day and it has been deleted.

The story on the photo is that it is a picture of Lourdes backstage at her mother’s MDNA tour. Is it just me, or is it freaky the resemblance between Lourdes and her mother?

LOL White American Cheese

Ron from Michigan sent me this via email.  It was from Harding's Market in his native state of Michigan.  The LOL stand for Land 'O Lakes.  Hilarious!

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