Saturday, July 21, 2012

What is this Woman Doing?

1. She’s very tired and can't control her yawns
2. She is getting a bit of oral from her Boyfriend (or girlfriend :)
3. She’s a singer practicing hitting the high notes
4. She hurt herself.
5.  She is using a vibrator
6. Other (Post your guess below)

--Enrique Santos

I Feel Like Taking Some Body Shots!

My Goal for tonight - 3 Body Shots of Tequila!!! 

Larry Bird Speaks Out About Kobe Bryants' Stupidity

Kobe Bryant has said that this year's Dream Team would beat the Original 1992 Dream Team. Whatever!  Kobe is an idiot.

Larry Bird had this to say:
Glad to see Larry had a sense of humor about it and basically didn't feel Kobe's comments deserved debate.  Neither do I.  The 92 Dream Team would kick this years "Dream Team" right out of the arena.  There is no comparison.  

My Friday advice to Kobe: Shut the Hell Up and just play Basketball!!!!

Apparently there's a new billboard on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood for that reads 'For MOTHER FUCKERS'

72,746 Have Broken The Fight Club Rule

Fred Willard Gets Arrested for Masturbating in an Adult Movie Theater!

Wednesday night, Anchorman star and legendary comedic actor, Fred Willard, was arrested with his pants down in a Los Angeles porno theater for lewd conduct. Apparently he was masturbation in the theater.

Let's think about this for a moment.  I’m not exactly sure why anyone would go into an adult theater and not masturbate.  Isn't that the whole reason that porn exists?  And for some reason, it is illegal to do this in a darkened theater where all the guys are there for the same reason.

And doesn't Fred have a computer.  You can download about 50 years worth of porn for free on the internet!  Why would anyone go to a movie theater.  HELL, I didn't even know those things still existed.

Willard, who is 72 years old, must have missed the old days when rubbing one out onto a seat back was more common place, and accepted. It's a shame really.  Why don't we let these old-timers live their last years like they want to.  If they want to go to a theater and jack off, let them do it.  Hell, we should be applauding Fred for being 72 years old and still able to masturbate.  I bet there are alot of 70 somethings that can't even get it up!

PedoBear and Joe Paterno

They make a great Couple!!!!!


Two Hotties Eating Cheeseburgers!  Gotta Love That!

--Enrique Santos

Friday, July 20, 2012

Michelle Jenneke - A Hot Aussie Hurdler!

Another Reason to watch the upcoming Olympics!

New York Knicks Say Goodbye to Jeremy Lin

Insect Sushi - Not for Me!!!

This is just plain gross, but if the Japanese like it, go for it.  During my travels, I have eaten insects before.  I did not really like it, but I did it.  This seems a little extreme.  Japanese chef Shoichi Uchiyama has developed a line of sushi recipes that use insects, rather than fish, as the primary source of protein.

Here are some pics

Not for me.  I would pass on this one.

Reactions to the Question, "Are You Dating Anybody?"

A friend sent me this via email (Thanks Ron!). Thought it would be a good "Free Advice Friday" post 

If you are asked "Are you Dating Anybody?" by parents, friends, etc.  These are some appropriate reactions:
  • Screech in horror.
  • Talk about your career accomplishments and how you’re “too busy” to date.
  • Make static-y and police siren noises into the phone and tell them you’re going into a tunnel. Then, hang up.
  • Similarly, throw your phone against the wall and run out of the room. If they ask in person, slowly back into a bush like this:

  • Send them a “photo” of your new beau but when they open it, it’s a screengrab of a Tumblr dashboard and a picture of a carton of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.
  • Say “yes” and then describe Andrew Garfield until they figure it out. “Well, he’s British and super cute.” to “He was just in the new Spiderman movie. No, not as an extra. …As Spiderman.” (This also works with Emma Stone, Donald Glover, Jon Hamm, Kate Upton etc etc.)
  • Tell them confidently that you will be dating someone as soon as you get the formula from Weird Science down pat.
  • Get a tattoo of the words “#ForeverAlone” on your forearm — and when they ask, roll up your sleeves.
  • Condescendingly tell them you’re continuing to be single as part of living performance art, commenting on the societal pressure to always be in a romantic relationship.
  • Flip the table. Storm out.
  • Proclaim you have five boyfriends named Liam, Harry, Louis, Zayn and Niall and you all live in a lovely polygamous house in Utah.
  • Immediately start talking and acting like it’s 1920 and you need them to make a match for you with your weird cousin like on Downton Abbey.
  • Transform into a bat and flap away into the night.
  • Bellow, “I am Loki, God of Mischief. I can not be contained by mere mortals! I must date among the Gods!”
  • Draw eyes and a mustache on a flask. “Kiss” your partner by drinking his sweet nectar of alcohol.
  • Create a life-size Japanese body pillow with a silkscreen of Benedict Cumberbatch (or another similarly attractive person) and bring it to the dinner table.
  • Reverse the guilt. Be like, “You created me. You saw my childhood. You know what’s up over here. What do you think?”
  • Stare them down and say, “Nope. Just getting boned on the reg.” Maintain uncomfortable eye contact.
  • Throw glitter in the air and prance away. (Also, a good way to come out of the closet if you’re looking for one.)
  • Sculpt a boyfriend out of delicious foods in front of their eyes.
  • Bring home a trucker/ex-con named Gus and say you got hitched. When they freak out, remind them that you being single isn’t so bad.
  • Spray them with mace.
  • Promise you will as soon as you find someone with the missing half of this golden amulet.
  • Put a top hat and monocle on a cat and introduce him as your betrothed, Mr. Darcy.
  • Crouch down and cover your head with your hands like during an elementary school tornado drill.
  • Say you’re waiting for the TARDIS, Amy Pond-style. Sing lines from Dr. Dre’s “I Need A Doctor.”
  • Toss a smoke bomb on the floor to blind them and disappear into a trap door.
  • Throw yourself through a glass window, because it’ll distract them and probably be less painful than answering that question. 

London Olympics are Almost Here

That means Beach Volleyball is getting near.  Can't wait to see all the oiled, sweaty beauties getting covered in sand!

Free Advice Friday - Stop Signs

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Camel Toe Fails




And don't forget to check out this Latina Camel Toe from a couple of nights ago!

And guys, if you want "Fake" Camel Toe in order to confuse the Hell out of your friends, then check this out!

GASHUNK Went the Shark!

Personally, I have never heard a shark go GASHUNK, but I am no expert

My Personal Wonders of the World

Apparently there has been voting for the new seven wonders of the world over the past year. Isn’t there like already 200 different seven wonders of the world list anyways? Is this really significant news?
In the spirit of this poll I decided to publicly release my personal seven wonders of the world.  Here they are, in no particular order. 

--The Largest McDonalds in the United States: It sits over a freeway in Oklahoma.  I have eaten there several times.  As far as McDonald's go, it is an average one at best.  But it is cool - eating above speeding cars.  At one point it was the largest McDonalds in the world until the Russians built a huge one in Moscow, damn those former communist bastards.

--That one pink house on the street near where I lived in South Austin:  I went to college at the University of Texas in Austin and lived for a few years in an apartment complex next to Zilker Park.  I remember I used to pass this cool looking pink house on an almost daily basis.  Of course, it is Austin and the slogan for the city is "Keep Austin Weird", still it was a cool bright pink house.  I would never live in it, but it sure was funny.  Not sure if it is still there or not. 

--Any shopping plaza with a dollar store and a Wal-Mart: How can you jam that much trash in such a small area?  WAIT -  There was a Wal-Mart and a Dollar Store where I used to live and they were only about 3 blocks from each other.  Does that Count?

--Baylor University: A baptist school, in Waco, Texas that, while I was in school at Texas,  did not allow dancing or alcohol on campus and had a curfew in their dorm room.  I had some friends that went to school there and they would road trip almost every weekend to Austin or Dallas.  If they still have those rules, put it on the list.  Their campus does look nice too.

--The World's largest Coffee Pot/Tea Kettle/Whatever it is -- In Stanton, Iowa: If that is a city's claim to fame, then they need to get a little more industrious!

--Billy Bob's in Fort Worth, Texas -- The World's Largest Honky Tonk!!!

--Las Vegas, Nevada -- A city that has become one of the richest and fastest growing in the United States, built in the middle of a desert and built on Mafia money.  Where else but in America?  (Note:  With Russia now open to capitalism and the Russian Mafia rivaling the Italian Mafia in its heyday, there is a chance Russia will build a similar city in the middle of Siberia.  Stay tuned!)

--The New Dallas Cowboy's Stadium -- I have been there and it is amazing!

--6th Street Austin, Texas -- The live music capitol of the World!!!

--Chipinque in Monterrey, Mexico -- A beautiful city park in the mountains above Monterrey.  It offers a great view and an escape from the heat and smog of the city (sometimes)

--Combo fast food places: A Taco Bell and a KFC together? That is true engineering genius, where else can you get buttery biscuits and a chicken soft taco in the same place? This is a true testament to American ingenuity and our quest to eat as many calories in a day as an entire African village.

So there you have it, personally I think my list is a little more well rounded than what people voted on, but whatever…   I will probably be adding more to this list as I think of them.  (I made this one up in just 5 minutes.)

What would you list as a random Seven Wonder of the World? (give me one or give me seven whatever you feel like)

"The Big Lebowski" - The Shakespeare Version

I found a website that takes one of my favorite movies of all-time, The Big Lebowski, and re-writes it in the style of Shakespeare.   Screenwriter Adam Bertocci has written it and it is awesome: “Two Gentlemen From Lebowski”, or, as you might know it, The Big Lebowski as written by William Shakespeare.

It is a must read for Literature lovers.  I have read through the first two acts (There are five) and am going to try and finish it this weekend.  I suggest all H.S. English teachers read this.  Shakespeare Lovers need to read this too.

It’s blowing up all over the internet because of the cross-cultural learning that the story invokes.  It is taking a Pop Culture icon and putting in the style of Shakepearean writing.  After reading just the first two acts, I believe it sounds like how  it would be written by William Shakespeare. If you’re wondering whether you should take the rest of the afternoon off and read it, here’s a sampling of “The Chorus,” a.k.a. Sam Elliott (Imagine Elliot's deep voice reciting this):

In wayfarer’s worlds out west was once a man,
A man I come not to bury, but to praise.
His name was Geoffrey Lebowski called, yet
Not called, excepting by his kin.
That which we call a knave by any other name
Might bowl just as sweet. Lebowski, then,
Did call himself ‘the Knave’, a name that I,
Your humble chorus, would not self-apply
In homelands mine; but, then, this Knave was one

It proceeds to get more awesome for what will amount to the rest of your day. And the one question you will ask (after screaming ‘VERILY!’) is, “how long did that take?” Adam stated that he wrote the first draft in just one weekend and then took 2-3 more weeks to get it ready for the final version.

I think "The Dude" would be happy with the final product.

You Can Hiccup and Fart at the Same Time!

At Least Cats Can...

The Japanese Snuggie

Found this Add for the Japanese Version of the Snuggie.  I can't read Japanese, but it looks like it basically says "Want to stay warm and look like a ridiculous mummy?  Buy the Japo-Snuggie!!!" 

Do people actually buy these things??

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Chiquinquirá Delgado -- Latina Bombshell

Chiquinquirá Delgado (What a Name!)  And can you believe that she is already 40 years old!!!  WOW - She is staying in shape.  This hottie is from Venezuela and can be seen on Univision.  She hosts a program called ¡Despierta América!   Enjoy the Pics!

Nick Swardson's "WereMilf"

Nick Swardson is hilarious and he continues to make some funny ass videos for!

Another Failed Barack Obama Promise

How many promises can this guy break and still be in office!

Did You Know??? - Wolves and echoes

Wolves hunt in coordinated packs, so long-distance communication is critical to a successful kill. However, wolves hunt in mountainous areas, so their howling is left vulnerable to echoes that can distort their ability to communicate. To combat this, wolves howl at a frequency that will not echo. This allows them to confirm the exact location of their hunting partners, which helps them to ambush unsuspecting prey.

While Driving in Council Bluffs, Iowa...

Council Bluffs, Iowa - What a city! I was over there for a Writing Workshop this week. It was actually very informative today.

Anyway, while driving around Council Bluffs trying to find somewhere to eat lunch, I see a teenager driving around with "Cool Shades" and a wife beater T-Shirt - Looking all Tough as Crap! He is driving around town in a souped up VW bug with a sticker in the back window that reads "I (Heart) Hot Moms." Underneath this sticker is a sticker of a hand flippin' the bird to the whole world. Then, to top that off, he has a "Born to Be Wild" Bumper Sticker! Unfortunately, I was driving so I couldn't get my cellphone camera out to take a picture (I wouldn't want to be breaking Iowa's new law!)  The dude was probably 16 or 17 and the car had Iowa plates (I know, my first thought was that it was a Omaha kid).

If I were the kid's parents, I would take his keys and never let him drive again with that kind of crap on the car. I think we have a future Charlie Sheen on our hands here, except the kid probably will never be famous!

Alien and Predator Get Married

I guess Alien and The Predator put their differences aside and decided to tie the knot! Tracey of the Little Cherry and Black Cherry Cake Company made this adorable wedding cake for them.


Readers, I do not even know what to say when I came across this picture on the internet.  Apparently, it is from one of those weird Japanese Game shows. 

Anyway, let's have some fun and leave a caption for this picture as a comment.  This could be fun. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Monica Alejandra González Cortez - Miss Playboy Panama

I love Latinas!  And I Love Panama.  I have some friends from there and they swear to me that the average woman in Panama looks like her.  Enjoy!!

--Enrique Santos
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