Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Hulk Hogan Sex Tape

I finally got to see the Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.  Nothing special.  The quality sucks and I swear it is staged!  If you want to see it, click here (NSFW)

Anyway, as I said, I think it is Staged.  It is almost as if Hulk is going out of his way to pretend it isn't staged.  And You gotta love the captions!  The Hulkster says “I feel like a pig”….after having sex with her because he just ate - I am glad I am not the only one to say that!  And he says “you’re awesome”….What a way to sweet talk a girl!   

And what is up with the guy who was talking to them at the start of the tape?  He knew what was up.  Sounds like it was his place.  

The Hottie in the sex tape is Heather Clem.  The girl is married to Bubba from the Howard Stern Show, so she is gold-digging her way up the ladder. Maybe Hulk was bamboozled.  It is possible that this dude and Heather set it all up so she could get some more fame.  Who knows...I did find some pics of her for your enjoyment.  Hot body, Ok Face:

Heidi Montag Stripping (Sort of...)

Looks like Heidi Montag has decided to get into adult entertainment.  Not porn (at least not yet) but Stripping.  According to TMZ, Heidi is now booking strip club appearances. TMZ reports:
The former MTV reality star has struck a $25,000 deal to appear at the Crazy Horse III strip club in Vegas on October 19 … but there’s a pretty big catch.
Montag — and her G-cup boobs — will not be getting naked. So, patrons will only get a chance to throw money at giant unfamous boobs that night.
$25,000!  That is about the price of one of her boob jobs!  If she strips about 20 more times, she can pay off her past plastic surgeries and start earning money for future surgeries.  Imagine how much she could make if she actually strips!  My guess is she will realize this and soon she will be taking it all off.  Then the logical next step is Porn.  I give her 12-16 months before her first porno comes out.  

Adele Sings the New Bond Song

Here it is, the highly anticipated theme song to the upcoming James Bond Movie "Skyfall"

Personally, I think this song sucks. Of course, I am not a big Adele fan, but I am not letting that cloud my judgement. The song still sucks!

And what is it about Adele songs that make women all emotional and shit?  Seriously.  I have seen women crying their eyes out listening to Adele.  I know she sings some songs about getting dumped and having her man leave her for some chick that is half her age, etc.  But seriously!  I bet women will be crying to this song even though it is just about Bond and a sky falling.

One of the Coolest Soccer Goals I Have Seen

I have no idea where this is from and I can't understand the comments on the YouTube Page, but this is a great corner kick.  It is a Kick, Jump, Jump, Jump, Shot!

Goalie Scores a Goal With His Penis

YUP!  That's Right!  Cruz Azul took a penalty shot in a Mexican League game that bounced off the post and then hit the Tecos Goalie Sergio Rodriguez's Private Parts.  Then it rolled in!  How embarrassing, right?!?!?

What is Hillary Thinking?

Maybe we should have a "Caption This" contest.  Here is the pic:

I will get the captions going.  Since I recently posted about Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton, here is my caption in honor of those two and the fun that Hillary missed out on:

"Damn, I Wish I had a Cigar!" -- Hillary Clinton

Add your captions in the comments section. 

The Boyfriend Pillow

Now Women are substituting real life guys for a freakin' pillow!  Between that and the high rate of lesbianism, us guys are going to be left out in the cold!!!  This Sucks!  I guess we are really going to need those Chinese Masturbation Machines...

--Enrique Santos

Friday, October 5, 2012

That is some nice Jiggle!

Click on the Pic to see the Jiggle!

The Perfect Place to Put Your Beer While in the Pool

Another Wonderful Kate Upton "Behind The Scenes" Video!

This time from her photoshoot for the November 2012 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine! As you know, Kate Upton is one of our favorites here at this esteemed blog!  The Goddess Has Returned!

And she has shared some tips on hooking up with her:  She doesn't like pick up lines, she likes a funny guy, and -- she's not paying for dinner.  

Kate, I will pay for every dinner we eat together and I do not use pick-up lines.  And I have been told I am a freakin' hilarious guy!  Give me a call...

Emily Ratajkowski is Back!

For those avid readers of this blog, you will remember that we posted the video of Emily Ratajkowski and Sara Jean Underwood's Sexy Carl's Jr. commercial.

Now, Emily Ratajkowski has made a return appearance to this wonderful blog!  She recently posted a pic of herself on Twitter doing the dishes naked!

My question is: Who is the lucky guy or girl taking the pic and is there a place where I can apply to be that person?  I take good pictures!  

Sophia Vergara Pool Workout

This is in Spanish, so many of you will not be able to understand this. Let me summarize:

This appears to be a a pre-Modern Family Sophia Vergara wearing a bathrobe, then taking off her bathrobe to reveal a nice blue bikini, and then she is wearing some weird flipper gloves, then bouncing up and down in a pool, then…is anybody still reading this? Let me guess, you went down to the video as soon you saw the headline.  DAMN!  Don't my words matter to you all?

Free Advice Friday - How To Hack A Nerd's ATM Card

Geeks and Nerds can be fairly predictable. It is a known fact that many of them try to use pin numbers for their ATM cards that they think are way too tough for any of us "Common Folk" to figure out.

WELL - BUSTED! A friend sent me this via email. Your secrets have been exposed and your ATM cards will never be safe again!

I Call Bullshit!

Why Not Watch A Molotov Cocktail Explode In Super Slow Motion

Very Cool!  I am really Loving This Super Slow Motion Stuff!

The Science of Procrastination - And How to Avoid It

Free Advice Fridays is here and we found a video about the "Science of Procrastination" and how to avoid it.  I know I have been in a Procrastinating mood for the past few days.  Enrique is always in Procrastination Mode!  So let's see why we are that way and what we can do about it, Shall We?

Free Advice Friday - Gestures around the World

Body language that's harmless at home may be outright insulting abroad. Here are five gestures to avoid. (

DON'T: Thrust your palm, fingers extended, toward someone in a downward swat.
THE MESSAGE: Called the moutza, this crude hand signal is a holdover from the Byzantine era, when judges ridiculed guilty people by wiping ash on their faces. Nowadays, it means "Screw off!" or "That's ridiculous!" The message comes across as serious and offensive, not playful.
DANGER ZONE: You may instinctively make this gesture when refusing something, such as a shot of ouzo in a bar.
WORK-AROUND: Say óchi ("no") and efharistó ("thank you") or make a blocking motion instead. If you are declining the offer of a drink, for instance, cover your glass with a hand. And if you're really trying to make friends, just accept the drink.

DON'T: Point your two hands toward the ground as if you're holding two pistols, with the back of your hands visible to the other person.
THE MESSAGE: You're threatening to beat the person up -- or saying you could beat them up if you wanted to.
DANGER ZONE: Gesturing toward a spot in front of you, such as a place where you want a bellhop to drop your luggage.
WORK-AROUND: Wave your hands toward the spot instead.
DON'T: Point your foot at a person (especially someone older than you) or at a religious icon, such as a statue of the Buddha.
THE MESSAGE: Feet are the "lowest" part of the body, according to the spiritual hierarchy of Thai Buddhism, so you're basically insulting someone or something as the lowest of the low.
DANGER ZONE: At a temple, where visitors often pause and sit on the floor, you may be tempted to stretch your feet outward after a long day.
WORK-AROUND: Sit cross-legged, you farang.

DON'T: Create a V shape with your index and middle fingers, with the back of your hand directed at the other person.
THE MESSAGE: Winston Churchill may have popularized the "V for Victory" symbol worldwide, but this gesture, performed in reverse in England, Scotland, or Wales, is similar to giving someone the finger in the U.S.
DANGER ZONE: Requesting a table for two at a restaurant or ordering two drinks at a bar, you may unconsciously flash two fingers this way.
WORK-AROUND: Say "two" instead, or remember to raise two fingers "peacefully," in the palm-outward way a hippie would flash the peace sign.

DON'T: Flash the thumbs-up sign.
THE MESSAGE: It means about the same thing as flipping the bird in the U.S.
DANGER ZONE: Without thinking, you may give someone a thumbs-up when you're eager to show your approval but don't know how to speak the local tongue.
WORK-AROUND: Learn how to say "yes" in the native language instead.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Jodie Marsh - That is Quite a Dress!

Found this pic of Ramblings' favorite Jodie Marsh back when she was a blond!  Why can't I ever see a girl wearing a dress like this?  Come on Des Moines, get with the fashion.  I want to see this on Court Avenue every-once-in-a-while!  

Bar Refaeli Has a Sex Tape

This is Why Pam Anderson is Perfect for Google:

The perfect fit!  Pam Anderson should be the new spokeswoman for Google!

Happy Birthday to Russell Simmons

Russell Simmons turns 55 today!  I wonder how much $$$ he is going to spend on a date.  Russell Likes to keep him self surrounded by young hotties and the rumor is he has been known to spend some $$ on them.  Look at this one:
 Russell Even Looks surprised at what he got for his money in the first one!

I have to admit, she is a hottie.  Gotta love the See-Thru Dress!  Have fun Russell and stay out of trouble!

--Enrique Santos!

I Would Love to Be at The Bottom of That Escalator!

There's Only One Type of Bra for Me!

As for me, I would take one of the other Bra's!!!!

The Debate - Is Golf a Sport?

I like to golf, but I am not a person who believes golf is a sport.  To me, Golf is the male equivalent of a fashion show.

Golf is a bunch of dudes who put on bright-colored shirts, khaki shorts or pants and some funny-looking shoes, hop in their BMWs, head down to the course to drink some over-priced imported beer, and try to pass themselves off as athletes.

They are not athletes, and for some of them, I question their manhood. 

Many of the golfers I see are just lazy men who have gotten way too fat to partake in a real sport.  They golf in order to tell people that they are active in “sports.”  Some even go as far as to say that they are still “Athletic” at their age be cause they play golf.  GIVE ME A BREAK!  Athletic my butt!  If you are still athletic, then you should be able to run a mile without having a heart-attack or play a pick-up game of basketball without sucking.  The majority of them can’t, so they've decided to hang out with a bunch of their buddies from the office and pretend to be athletes. 

Why is golf not a sport?

1) No cardiovascular activity

2) Fat people can play

3) You can play golf while drinking alcohol (If you drank during real sports, you would barf all over the place.)

4) There is a guy that sells cologne and other toiletry items in the clubhouse bathroom.  And the guy will shine your shoes for you. 

5) Bright-colored shirts and khakis

6) Because it is a “Boss Law”.  More to come on that in a later post. 

People who golf always say "But it requires a lot of skill, and..."

Whatever dude!  Brain surgery, fine-tuning an engine and running a multi-million dollar corporation also require a lot of skill but I never see that stuff on ESPN.  

And by the way, I feel that Bowling and Poker are not sports either.  They are hobbies just like golf.  I do all three but I would never go around telling people that I am participating in a sport when I am bowling or golfing. 

“EL JEFE, What constitutes a Sport?” you ask.  I know you are asking that cause I can hear you, telepathically speaking of course. 

These are my rules for Sport Classification:

1) There must be some type of cardio activity

2) There must be a good chance for blood and/or bodily injury

3) The sport is focused on the human, not a machine (Sorry NASCAR)

4) You have to get tired by playing it.

5) AC/DC's "Back in Black" must be played before instance that the activity starts. 

6) It must have a chance of being on ESPN as a highlight

7) You have to be in good physical shape to play it

8) Spectators have to be allowed to yell during the competition

9) It has to watchable on TV

10) No pansies can play the game

If it doesn't meet all of the above requirements, then it is not a sport.  Plain and simple. 

Invisible Dick

Dude, that has got to hurt!  Look at Invisible Dick (OK, he is invisible so you can't really see him, but you get the point) This Dick guy  is riding a bike naked with only a helmet and shoes on.  What is he thinking!  That has got to be some major chaffing!!!

One-sided MMA Fight?

Looks pretty one-sided, doesn't it.  a 600+ lb. fighter vs. a 169 lb. dude in an MMA match.  Bet you know who is gonna win, but it is fun watching it and listening to the announcers anyway.

600lb vs 169lb MMA Mismatch - Watch More Funny Videos

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Twilight - For Guys

A Reader sent me this video.  James says it has been out for years and he was surprised we haven't posted it.  After watching it, we are a little surprised we missed this one too!  Thanks James!

Bikini Baristas

Whoever thought of this, You are the greatest!  This is pure Genius. I don’t even drink coffee and if there was one of these en route to my work in the morning, I’d be volunteering to pick up every one else in the office’s orders. Bikini Baristas!!  If They have them in Seattle, they could definitely bring them here to Texas.  And they could be in Bikinis Year Round!!!

Having Your Mom Take a Sexy Pic of You For Twitter =


Thanks for the Road Map but...

I think I know my way around down there pretty well!
--Enrique Santos

You Can Win an Emmy For Sitting on a Girl's Face!

My cousin alerted me to this yesterday.  He was watching some awards show last week and told me that he saw the GREATEST AWARD ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN HISTORY.

Laurel Holloman’s won a Bravo award for her work on "The L Word," which apparently is a show about Lesbians.  Just take a look at her acceptance speech!

It's cued up to the right spot where it gets interesting. I think we need to be giving more awards for this sort of thing.

And I may have to start watching this show!  

Chinese Hospital Introduces a Masturbation Machine

And It's Hands Free! Thats right, a hospital in China has introduced a hand's free sperm extractor to help men who have infertility problems and to collect sperm. The sperm donor can adjust temperature, frequency, and speed. The machine has a video screen for x-rated viewing and a surround sound system.

I am adding this to my Christmas Wish List!

Hooter's is Really Going After the Family Market

Just check out the back of this new kid's menu:

Not only do they have your son or daughter outline a busty Hooters Girl, they also have to "Help Batman find His Beer" and spot the difference between several mugs of beer!

"Miss Caliente" Pagent in Arizona

I have a big concern!  A Huge concern.  With Arizona being perceived as anti-Hispanic and with so many Latino groups boycotting Arizona, what is going to happen to the state's annual Miss Caliente pageant, that “unforgettable event that places the strength of Latina woman in the spotlight.”

A friend of mine in Arizona (He wanted me to stress that he is LEGAL!) has told me the pageant is to undergo a slight change of name to make sure these señoritas are all Legally Hot. Starting this year, the Miss Caliente Pageant will become Miss Legally Caliente Pageant.

THANK GOD!!!  I was really worried

Kate Moss Used Sex To Get Her Boyfriend To Give Up Veganism

Not a bad idea. I think that would work for most guys. WAIT A SECOND!!! How many guys are actually Vegans? And Skinny Ass Kate Moss is a meat eater? No Way!

According to, The Kill's(That is a rock band) Jamie Hince gave up veganism when Kate Moss served him a bacon sandwich in her underwear.

"I was vegan for about 20 years. But then the thing that really tipped me over the edge was when I first met Kate, had just started seeing her, and I walked into the kitchen and she was in her underwear making me a bacon sandwich," said Hince.

"She didn't know I was vegan, and I was like... all my principles went out of the window," he added.

Poor Cookie Monster!


This is an old pic from a courtroom trial somewhere in America.  Not sure what the lady is showing her ass to the judge for.  Maybe it is the trial of a stripper, or she got a bad Brazilian Bikini Wax or something.  Or she is just trying to get the judge to rule in her favor!

Rope Swing Fail!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Chyna Is "Queen of the Ring"

Remember the mess that was and still is Chyna? The chick that was on Celebrity Rehab and a handful of other reality shows in which she embarrassed herself?  Oh Yeah, She is also a Former Wrestler turned porn star.  That's right, Chyna is doing what so many other "Has-Beens" do: Turning to a career in Porn!  She is squaring off against the biggest names in wrestling in her new movie Queen of the Ring! You get to see her fight and have sex in the ring, including an ambitious 9-man gangbang! Here’s the SFW trailer:

Laura Vandervoort - Me in My Place

We already brought you one video of Esquire Magazines Feature called "Me in My Place".  The series features their Hottie models telling a joke from their home.  The first one posted was Nina Dobrev.

Here is new Ramblings of a Semi-Madman Favorite Laura Vandervoort and her installment of "Me in My Place"  Don't forget to check out some of the pics from her Esquire photoshoot after the video!

Frozen Food Does Not Look As Advertised!


Monica Lewinsky Gets $12m Because She Gave The President a Blow Job!

Yes, the title of this post is correct! Monica Lewinsky is going to get $12 Million because she put Bill Clinton's penis in her mouth! A publisher decided to pay Monica $12 million to write about a dick she saw and placed in her mouth 15 years ago.  RadarOnline reports:
“Monica has tried to move forward, but the nightmare of her affair with Bill still haunts her,” a close pal told The ENQUIRER. “She’s facing 40 without a man in her life, and seething about the way her reputation was destroyed as the whole world watched.”
For the first time ever, Mon­ica will also release steamy love letters she penned to the Cheater-in-Chief.
“Monica wrote the letters on her computer,” said another source. “In them, she opened her heart about her love for Bill and how much happier she could make him than Hillary. Some of what she wrote was so raw that she never sent them.”
Friends fear the blockbuster expose could finally torpedo the high-profile Clinton marriage, wreck Hillary’s future political career and trigger a potentially fatal health crisis for the 66-year-old politician.
First off, I doubt this is going to do anything to his marriage.  I posted this summer a pic of Bill Clinton with Porn Stars.  The dude is a playboy and his wife knows it and puts up with it.  Why?  The Clinton name and mystique helps Hillary as well.  She doesn't want to let that go.  Besides, while Bill is out Fucking Porn Stars, I am sure she is getting it on with some of her young assistants in the State Department.  In Washington, people do just about anything to move up in the Political world, including sleeping with dogs!!!

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