Saturday, December 22, 2012

That is an Interesting Snowman

We just had a blizzard here a couple of days ago.  We received about a foot of snow, so there are plenty of snowmen up all around the neighborhood.  This one seemed a little out of place.  I don't think the neighborhood kids made this one!

Hottie of the Day - Morgan Brittany

A special Christmas edition of our "Hottie of the Day" series.  Tonight, we are presenting MORGANBRITT724, aka Morgan Brittany.  She has an awesome body and a cute face.  We here at the blog took one look at her and agreed we had to get her on this thing asap!  Enjoy!

Amii Grove Wishes Everyone a Merry Christmas

Amii Grove is a British Model who likes to get naked sometimes.  She also is the only "Amy" that I have ever seen spell her name "Amii."  Where does that come from?  Anyway, here are some pics of Amii in full Christmas Regalia!

Bianca Beauchamp Workout Videos

Bianca Beauchamp is a sexy Redhead with a great body. Here, she shows us how she keeps that awesome body in shape. Enjoy!

Bianca's Sit-up Routine
An Elliptical Workout

Sophie Reade Wants to Wish You a Merry Christmas

Check out some more Sophie Reade Here!

We Were A Kleenex Family

Tissues, Kleenex, whatever you want to call it -- When I was growing up, my family were definitely a tissue family.  Even more specifically, a Kleenex family.  We probably kept that company alive for all these years. 

Even though I have moved out long ago, my parents still one of the most loyal Kleenex families in the world. They never bought any other brand, just Kleenex. 

When I was little, I bet there was a box in every room, bathroom, hallway, etc.  I would be willing to bet that if you go to my parents house right now, you will still find at least one box of tissues in every room.  They even kept Kleenex in both of the cars.  When I started driving, they would somehow sneak a box in my Ford LTD Monster that I had.  I would get rid of it, but it would be right back in there the next day. 

Heaven forbid if a box ran out.  But if it did, all we had to do was go to the closet in the hallway, where mom kept a rather large supply of Kleenex boxes.  If there were less than 7 or 8 boxes in the closet, it was time to stock up.  I would remember going to Fareway and buying 3 or 4 boxes at a time.  A box in the small storage drawer by the pool, in both cars...everywhere really.

And if you sneeze?, "Do you want a Kleenex? Here have a Kleenex. Just blow your nose. You don't need to blow your nose? What? Then here, put it in your pocket for later. Go ahead. You might need it later."

AWWW  I love my mom and dad and their obsession with Kleenex.

Hottie of the Day - Tattooed Latina Beauty

I wish I had a name!  Alisa Verner, whose name appears on the picture, is the photographer.  If anyone knows the name of this beauty, please let us know!


Have a great Holiday Weekend!!!

Great Christmas Lights Display

This is classic!!  

Sinifesela uKhisimusi oMuhle noNyaka oMusha oNempumelelo

Found a site that translates "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" into over 100 different languages.  

By the way, the title is "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" in Zulu.  

Samoan -- Manuia le Kerisimasi, ma le Tausaga Fou

They even have Klingon for all of you Star Trek geeks out there --   QISmaS DatIvjaj 'ej DIS chu' DatIvjaj (sg) or QISmaS botIvjaj 'ej DIS chu' botIvjaj (pl)

'Tis the Season

Ahh, tis the season. I love the season. The season is great. There is no other season of the year when you get to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story and Elf all in one day’s sitting.  And now add Four Christmases, which I just saw on Pay-per-View.  NICE!!!!!!!

Final Exam

Here is a little story that was passed on to me years ago.  There is a moral here.  See if you can figure it out. 

This Exam Is FINAL

It said: (95 Points). Which tire?

Figure out the moral to the story?  It should be easy to see, yet I still get students in High School that come up with some pretty interesting reasons for not taking an exam. 
Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.

The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.

"Cool ," they thought. "This is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Merry Christmas from Blog Favorite Lucy Pinder

Here is RoSMM favorite Lucy Pinder wishing all of us a Merry Christmas!  Enjoy the video.

World Atlas of Cup Sizes (We are Talking about Boobies Here!)

Looks like Russian and Scandinavia are where you need to go if you really like Big Boobs!

A Nascar Christmas

A loyal blog follower from Alabama, named Marcus H., sent me this old Christmas poem for NASCAR lovers of all ages.  Now I am not a big NASCAR fan, but I like to keep my readers happy (Yes, I am a suck-up) so here it goes:

                                         A NASCAR Christmas
Twas the Race before Christmas

and all through the track

Each driver was ready to make his attack.

The tires had been stacked by the pit crew with care

With hopes none of them would run out of air.

The drivers were belted all snug in their seats

Where visions of checkered flags looked mighty sweet.

When out of the infield there rose such a clatter

The crowd sprang to their feet

to see what was the matter.

What sight met their wondering eyes as they rose

Twas Rusty Wallace punching somebody's nose.

With eyes like the eagles the spotters they came

And they turned on their headsets

and called them by name

"On Spencer! On Petty! On Rudd and Jarrett!

On Cope! On Speed! On Ward and Jeff Burton!

At the top of the curve ran 'em into the wall!

Now gentlemen, start your engines all!"

More rapid than lightning the Iceman they flew

With a sack full of cash and the Winston Cup too.

And then in a twinkling there came to the front

The bright rainbow colors of Gordon's DuPont.

Then Bobby Labonte flew by in a flash

While Martin had a breakdown and Spencer a crash.

Then all at once with a rush and a roar

There came a new car they had not seen before.

From bumper to bumper it was painted all red

North Pole Toy Co. was the sponsor they read.

With a little old driver so lively and quick

They all said at once, "Hey, this must be a trick!"

"A geezer like that shouldn't be driving here!"

"And why does his pit crew all have pointed ears?"

The next scheduled pit stop went kinda slow

For the old fellow stopped at each pit in the row.

He spent no time at all, but left gas and oil

A new set of tires, new tools for their toil.

He asked no endorsement, demanded no fee

And left only coal for the black #3.

Childress got on the com and said Hey Intimidator..

Want to chew him up now, or save him for later?"

Dale spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

He gave him a nudge, then broadsided the jerk.

But the old guy escaped with a zig and a zag

And crossed over the finish line, right at the flag.

The old man drove straight up to victory lane

Grabbed up the trophy and drank some champagne.

Thanked all his sponsors and took the cash too

Stole a kiss from Brooke Gordon, and then off he flew

As he sped out of sight, one last cry did they hear,

"Merry Christmas to all, better luck next year!"
Author Unknown

Drunk 4-year old boy steals Christmas Presents -- No, Really it is true!!

WOW!!!!!  When someone first told me of this story, I was shocked and did not believe it.  I searched for it and found that it is true!!!!  What the Hell is happening to society??
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) - A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one. 
April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail. She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree. Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again.
The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.
April Wright said, "Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped."
Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone. She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn't get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.
Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father's footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking. 
"He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is.
The Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer. 
Wright said, "He got it out of my father's cooler in the back and how he got it open I don't understand because it was one of those tab beers."
But it doesn't stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor's house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts. One was a girl's brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.
"Going to the neighbor's house and taking their presents, very embarrassing," said April.
She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure. 
"Kids do things like this and it's out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake," she said.
Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden.
I am still shocked!!!!!

Hottie of the Day - Jessica Cambensy

Jessica Cambensy is the Hot Assassin's Creed 3 Model.  She is currently what most geeks and nerds are masturbating too.  So, in order to perform a service and help these guys get their daily Jessica Fix, here are some more pics.  And follow her on Twitter as well.  You will find out there is more to her than Assassin's Creed.  

And please check out our other "Hotties of the Day"

Ejaculators Help Firefighters?

So if enough people ejaculate on a fire, will it help put it out?

Free Advice Friday - How To Act In an Elevator

We pride ourselves on offering free advice to the masses.  We are here to help and make your life simpler.  Our series, Free Advice Fridays, has proven to be extremely popular and helpful.  We have received many emails thanking us for the advice.  In some instances, the advice has actually helped people, which is our goal!  (In one instance, our advice did not help, but made a situation worse.  To Mike from Houston, we are sorry that you are getting a divorce, we never said we are perfect).  Anyway, here is this week's edition of Free Advice Fridays.  We offer a set of rules that should make your elevator riding experience much more enjoyable.  

1) A Person who gets on the ground floor and pressed the button for the second floor  deserves to mocked, ridiculed and harassed for the whole 5 seconds they are on the elevator.  If the person talks back or tells others to be quiet, patrons in the elevator have permission to emergency stop the elevator and give the guy a punch or two, maybe even a kick in the scrotum.

2) Don't stand right in front of the buttons unless you are willing to push the buttons for everyone.  Also, you will be in charge of the Open/close door button, which is very powerful.  You can allow people on the elevator (Hotties) and you can close the doors before others get on (Douches).  Wield this powerful carefully and smartly!

3) Don't be too worried about contracting some weird disease in an elevator.  Unless a person sneezes or coughs directly on you, you are un-likey to contract something because you are just not on the elevator long enough.

3a) If a person does sneeze or cough on you, feel free to retaliate verbally or physically because that is a major Dick Move!

4) Do not stand in front of the door if there are other places to stand.  You will look like a selfish Asshole if you do this.

5) Many people do not like to talk to strangers on the elevator.  They loathe it.  Therefore, if you are a talkative type of person, you have to judge who does and doesn't want to strike up a mini-conversation on the elevator.  If a person makes eye contact and smiles or gives a head nod, you may strike up a conversation if you like. Wait until the door closes or you will look too anxious.

6) If you want to be sure to avoid tall conversation on an elevator, then bring a newspaper, magazine or documents that you can immerse yourself in.  People will assume your are busy and leave you alone.

7) Don't even try and use a cell phone in an elevator.  If you do use one and you complain about the poor reception, people are free to make comments about how stupid you are.    

8) Any portable musical device (IPods, Smart Phones, etc.) that are audible by others are a big no-no.  Make sure you are using head phones and they are at an acceptable volume level.  No one else wants to hear your Michael Bolton collection or Lady Gaga songs.

9) SPACING!!!  You must allow as much space between you and every else as possible.  DO not crowd.

10) If you have a child with Attention deficit disorder or the kid is just plain hyper, keep the little one under control.

11) While on the elevator, stare at the numbers, or your feet or that newspaper you brought.  Don't make eye contact unless you plan on talking to the person.  Staring without speaking is creepy and can lead to you being marked as a creepy perv.  Beware! 

JibJab Year in Review 2012: The End is Here

JibJab Year in Review 2012: The End is Here

It is almost Noon and we are all still here...  I am just taking a few shots and waiting for the end to come.  I wish it would hurry up!

Video Compilation of Christmas Fails - Happy Holidays

 Compilation of Christmas Fails!  Tis the Season...

Twas The Night Before Christmas - Walken Style

Well, not exactly Walken Style.  It is more Like Kevin Pollack Trying to do it Walken Style.  For some reason, Kevin Pollack reads Twas the Night Before Christmas in his best Christopher Walken voice.

Guido Toothpaste

This was a paper handed in by a High School Student for a Business/Advertising class.  Sad!  This really shows how far down in the hole we have gone!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Now That is a Snow Sculpture!

See If You Men Passed This Vision Test

A Shitty Girl

This Gross Sexual encounter happened about 8 years ago.  I had met a girl out on 6th street at a bar.  We made out a little and then we traded numbers. She was hot and a couple of years younger than me.  She told me she worked in a car dealership that was owned by her dad.  

I called her up a couple of days later and she asked me to come over and see her at work one night.  No problem.  I was out the door and heading her way.  My car was in the shop, but the fine Austin Bus system would take me right to her workplace.  

When I got there, the showroom lights were off and the outside lights were on so you could see very little from the outside looking in but we could see out to a relatively busy street. The dealership was downtown and it was a small one that specialized in sporty, expensive foreign cars.  

I get there and within minutes, we are starting to make out.  She assures me that we are alone.  She excuses herself to go to the ladies room and I get comfy on the couch in her office.  She comes back a couple minutes later and I soon realize she has taken her panties off. She starts to unbutton my jeans, takes me out to the showroom floor hops up onto the hood of a Porsche, leans back and tells me to fuck her.

Hell Yeah!  She doesn't have to ask twice.  After a few minutes of sex on the hood, she tells me that she wants to do it doggy style so she jumps down, turns around and leans forward over the car so I can get busy again. I have my jeans down around my ankles and my T-shirt is still on, just in case someone walks in.  We go at it for a good 5 minutes longer and then we finish up. It was kind of cool, doing it on expensive cars and knowing that people outside might have been able to see us. 

I hop to the bathroom to clean up.  When I get out of the bathroom, she is already dressed and back in her office.  I ask her out to dinner, but she tells me she has to finish some work before her dad gets back (She informs me that her dad was going to be back any minute, which made me a little nervous thinking he could have walked in on us.)  I give her a little kiss and tell her I will call her later.  I walk out and catch the bus back home.  

While on the bus, I notice an awful smell.  The bus really smells like Shit! I switch seats but it still stinks.  I notice that people are looking at me with a funny and disgusted look.  I look at myself and see that my t-shirt has a damp brownish stain down at the bottom of it. The smell wafts up to hit my nose and I realize that this is where the smell is coming from.  The damp stain is a sweaty shit-stain.  How I did not smell it on the way to the bus stop, I have no idea!  

I figure out that the girl hadn't gone to the bathroom just to take her panties off and get ready for some wild sex, but she also had to take a dump.  And it appears as though the girl did not wipe or she is a poor wiper.  Whichever, it was a big turn off and I felt like barfing.  I guess that as we were doing it doggy style, my shirt must have rubbed up on her ass crack and absorbed the sweat of our sex and the shit from her butt.  

As I said, that was a big turn-off.  I did call her back, but we never got back together again.  That was just too big of a turn-off to overcome.  I still smell that smell 8 years later when I think about it!  
Needless to say I 'lost' her number after that.

Hottie of the Day - Lou Lou is Her Name...

I don't know too much about this blonde, British Beauty, other than she is a porn star and goes by the name Lou Lou.  I have not seen any videos of her and these are the only pics I could find in which she was not completely naked with a penis in her mouth or in an orifice.  If you want to see those pics, check them out here (NSFW).  

I Am All For It!

Fake Balls On the Hitch

I saw a truck driving around downtown Des Moines yesterday. My first thought was “How do guys who have secured fake testicles to the back of their pick-up trucks get laid?” Why did I think that? Because next to the guy driving, there was an incredibly hot Brunette. Now you may say that they were just friends or brother and sister, but she was sitting in the middle, not in the passenger seat. She was sitting as close to him as possible.

Now this guy looked to be in his 30's and was not all that good looking. I would say he was average at best, but the girl was at least an 8+ and probably in her early 20's. That is the moment that the above question popped in my head.

Here was this average guy driving a Toyota truck that had a pair of those goofy-ass testicles dangling from the hitch. This dude was with a bonafide Hottie! Unless he was rich (Which I doubt it. The truck was probably a 10 year old piece of crap truck. It had seen its better days) or was the greatest lover in bed in the history of sex, What was I missing?

So I ask you Ladies: why is this not a deal breaker? I have heard of ladies who were into guys and then found out they watched Star Trek or listened to Frank Sinatra and it was over. They wanted nothing to do with a Sci-Fi enthusiast or someone who was stuck listening to 50's and 60's music. Yet a woman will happiy take a ride from a guy whose car has fake balls?

Ladies, please explain...

Christmas Sweatz

You Gotta Love "Christmas Sweatz."

Band Aid - "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

One of the greatest Christmas songs ever.  Band Aid was an all-star band of musicians from The UK.  The song was written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure.  This was the precursor to Live Aid.  This song was sung to raise money to help feed children starving in Africa.  The song was recorded and released in 1984.  Bob Geldof would go on to organize Live Aid in 1985.

Now We Have To Watch Out For Eagles?

WOW!  This Golden Eagle tries to pick up a kid and carry it back to its nest.  No doubt the eagle wants some fresh meat for the little ones!

Update:  The video is FAKE! Some Montreal Students used some fancy-Schmanzy Technology to put this video together.  I have to admit, when I first saw it, looked real to me!

What a Way to Die

Was the three way with her, the mogul and some of his bananas?  I guess she would never need to buy a Dildo!

This is How to Quit Your Job

This is a year or so old, but I just found it so it is new to me.  This guy quit his job the way that we all dream of quitting our jobs.  Watch, learn and take notes.  If I ever win the lottery, this is how I will quit my job.

I Love Bacon...

...but when the bacon starts staring back at me, I begin to think that maybe I have been eating a little too much of it!

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The First Cummunion

They actually shot a porn video in the Vatican.  How the Hell did they pull that off? The movie is called First Cummunion: The Holy Spoocharist

And this wasn't the first one either. A movie called Pope Fisters IV (don't you just love Porn Film Titles) filmed at the Vatican in 1982. My questions: Where were Pope Fisters I-III filmed at?

Jodie Marsh Tweets Her Tanning Pics

Jody Marsh is a sexy bodybuilder, ex Glamour Model, and she always has an orange tan. She showed us how she gets the tan by tweeting some pics of herself while tanning. GOD I LOVE TWITTER AND SMART PHONES!

Season's Greetings!

Rosie Jones, Holly Peers, India Reynolds, Sophie Howard, Lucy Pinder 

Holly Peers, India Reynolds, Rosie Jones

Rosie Jones and Kaylee Carver

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