Friday, June 14, 2013

Free Advice Friday -- Throw a Great Surprise Party!

Perform a highly ceremonial and solemn blood oath on all invited guests to maintain the strictest code of silence, or "Omerta," on matters related to the surprise party.

Explain - in no uncertain terms - the consequences for failing to maintain total and complete secrecy while planning the surprise party.

Monitor your invited guests. Who do they call on the phone? What are their e-mail login and passwords? Sift through their garbage and recycling. The key to a surprise party is the element of surprise. It's your duty to make sure the secrecy is never compromised.

Use a complex language of runes, Roman numerals and zodiac symbols when writing invitations. If discovered, the cryptic symbols will prove indecipherable except to invited guests.

Build your own location for the party. Do not use an existing facility or safe house for the event - these could easily be discovered and ruin the party's clandestine nature. Instead scavenge the nearby countryside for materials that can be built into a hut or shelter for the party.

All surprises are based on deception. Therefore all surprise parties are based on deception. Be extremely subtle even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of your guest of honor's fate.

He who is prudent and lies in wait for the guest of honor will throw a memorable surprise party.

Prepare to wait for hours, days or even weeks for the "SURPRISE" moment. Stockpile sufficient rations, potable water, medical supplies and ammunition. Anything left over can be used for the party.

Use war paint to disguise your identity. Conceal your movements by following an animal's tracks or scent to the party location.

Operate in shadows.

Avoid using the phone or e-mail to discuss operations. Speak in code when discussing the party in person. Never discuss the party with more than one person at a time.

Employ PsyOps to disorient and confuse the guest of honor. This will give invited guests greater ease of movement leading to the party.

Consider hiring outside contractors to deliver the guest of honor to the predetermined party location. Contractors should conceal their identity, wear only dark clothing and ski masks and must not speak. It's also a good idea to transport the guest of honor in a windowless and untraceable white van.

Serve both regular and decaf coffee with the cake.

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